There are few things more frustrating than pouring your heart out to a guy over text, only to have him respond with the dreaded “K.” Luckily, if your dude tends to clam up over text, there are things you can do to help bring him out of his shell. Read on for our tips on how to handle a dry texter.
[Edit]Steps
[Edit]Avoid making assumptions.
- It can be really hard to pick up on tone over text. When you’re texting, you can’t hear a guy’s tone of voice or see his facial expressions and body language. That means it can be really easy to misinterpret text messages, especially short ones.[1] Before you assume that those dry texts mean he’s bored, upset, or being passive-aggressive, think about other possibilities. For example, it’s possible that:
- He doesn’t like texting or isn’t used to it
- He’s busy or distracted
- He doesn’t realize that his short texts could come off as rude
- He wants to chat, but he isn’t sure what to say
[Edit]Ask him what’s up.
- When in doubt, it’s a good idea to clear the air. If his one-word texts seem a little different from his usual style, you might worry that something’s bothering him. Instead of jumping to conclusions or trying to guess what’s on his mind, just ask him what’s going on.[2]
- Say something like, “Hey, you seem kind of quiet today. Is everything ok?” Or, “Is now a good time to chat? If you’re busy, we can talk later.”
[Edit]Try changing the subject.
- He might be bored or unsure of what to say. Or, it’s possible that the topic you’ve been talking about is sensitive for him. Whatever the reason, if it seems like he’s clamming up all of a sudden, sometimes changing the subject can help. Say something to make the transition to a new topic feel more natural.[3]
- For instance, “Oh hey, I just remembered something I’ve been meaning to ask you about.” Or, “This is a bit of a change of subject, but how was that Netflix documentary you watched last night?”
[Edit]Ask him some open-ended questions.
- These tend to require longer answers. If you tend to ask a lot of “yes” or “no” questions, the dude you’re chatting with might not realize you’re looking for something a little more substantial. The same goes if you’re just telling him things without actually inviting him to respond in some way. Try to get the conversation flowing by asking questions that start with who, what, where, when, why, or how.[4]
- For instance, instead of just saying, “Did you have a good day?” try something like, “How was work today?” or “So, what have you been up to this weekend?”
- If you tell him something, follow up with a question. For example, you might say something like, “That snowstorm was crazy last night, we must have gotten at least 10 inches up here. How much did you get?”
[Edit]Switch to a phone conversation.
- Texting might not be his style. Sometimes you just need to switch up how you communicate. If he has trouble opening up over text, ask if he wants to take it to voice. You could also suggest video chat, or even meeting up to talk in person.[5]
- For instance, say something like, “I’d love to hear how your big presentation went today. Is this a good time to call?”
[Edit]Give him space if he’s busy.
- He might be chattier later on. If you’re getting a bunch of one-word answers, it could be because he’s multi-tasking. You can always ask him if it’s a good time to chat. If he says no, take a rain check and try again later.
- For instance, say something like, “Seems like you’re busy right now. TTYL?”
- It’s totally normal for people to want space from texting sometimes. Even if he’s not busy, he might just need a break from texting or want some time to himself.[6]
[Edit]Tell him if his dry texts bother you.
- He might not realize how they come across. If you have a good vibe with the guy in general, but his short texts drive you up the wall, it might help to let him know how you feel. Keep it chill and try not to make it sound accusatory, so he’s less likely to feel hurt or defensive.[7]
- For example, say something like, “Hey, I love chatting with you, but I’m not sure how to feel when you send a lot of one-word answers. Sometimes I wonder if you’re bored or upset with me.”
- Try suggesting a solution, like, “Hey, just let me know if you’re not in the mood to talk,” or “We can do FaceTime if you prefer.”
[Edit]Let him start the conversation sometimes.
- Slow down if you feel like you’re doing all the work. Just like in a face-to-face conversation, things can get unbalanced if one person is a lot more talkative than the other. If you tend to send a lot of long, chatty texts, it’s possible that he might just feel a bit overwhelmed. Try slowing it down or stopping for a bit and see if he makes a move to get the convo going again.[8]
[Edit]Chat about serious stuff in person.
- Heavy conversations are always trickier over text. For one thing, it’s a lot easier to misunderstand each other than if you’re talking face-to-face or even over the phone. If you have something important or difficult to discuss, give him a call or ask if he can meet up—that way, you’re more likely to have a productive conversation instead of getting a lot of frustrating one-word answers.[9]
- For instance, if you need to talk to him about where the relationship is going, or open up about a tough situation that you’re dealing with, don’t try to connect with him over text.
[Edit]Move on if you just can’t seem to connect.
- Sometimes, one-word texts can be a red flag. If you’ve noticed that the dry texts are becoming more of a pattern—especially if he’s taking longer and longer to answer you—then it could be that he’s losing interest.[10] If you just can’t seem to get a conversation going, and if you’re not connecting in other ways (like over the phone or in person), then it might be time to let him go.
[Edit]References
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a36816319/dry-texting/
- ↑ https://dating.lovetoknow.com/dating-conversation-topics/17-ways-keep-text-conversation-going
- ↑ https://dating.lovetoknow.com/dating-conversation-topics/17-ways-keep-text-conversation-going
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a36816319/dry-texting/
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/communication/5-communication-tips-try-your-partner
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a36816319/dry-texting/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-you-shouldnt-text-your-argument#1
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/g2889/text-messages-that-prove-hes-just-not-that-into-you/
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via Peter
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