How to Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Random acts of kindness are deliberate attempts to brighten another person's day by doing something thoughtful, nice, and caring. While the possibilities for the things you can do to be kind are almost endless, the most important thing is to expect nothing in return. Complimenting people, sharing a smile, paying it forward, and expressing thanks are great ways to get started with practicing random acts of kindness.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Brightening Someone’s Day

1. Give out compliments generously. Instead of staring at the floor when you’re stuck in an awkward silence, find something you like about the other person and compliment them on it. Not only will it make them feel good, it just might kick off a conversation with a new friend.^[1] For example:
   
   • “Wow, you look great today!”
   • “I love your new haircut.”
   • “Where did you get that sweater? It’s so pretty!”
   • Share compliments that you overheard with the person they’re about.^[2]
   • Remind the people in your life that you're grateful for them.^[3]
2. Share a smile. Smiles are contagious! Whenever you’re talking to someone, whether they are a stranger or a friend, show that you're happy to be with them in that moment.^[4]
   
   • If you meet someone who’s sad or grumpy, smile anyway. Ask them if they're having a hard day, listen to their problems, offer to help in any way you can, and wish them better luck in the future. Share contact information if there is something you can do to help them down the road.
3. Visit or send postcards to sick kids in the hospital. Even if you don’t know them, kids will love having someone new to talk to. Bring a small gift, like a card or stuffed animal, to show them that people are thinking of them.
   
   • The elderly can also get lonely. Visit them and listen to their stories.
4. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Find a homeless shelter in your area, and offer your help with meals and transportation. If you love animals, look for an animal shelter or rescue. Help out by cleaning cages and taking the dogs for walks.
   
5. Pay it forward. Pay for the meals of the people sitting next to you at a restaurant. Cover the coffee for the people in the car behind you at the drive-thru. Feed the parking meter for the car next to yours to keep them from getting a ticket. Pay for tickets for the family in line behind you at the zoo or movies.
   
6. Give up your seat on public transportation. It doesn’t have to just be for elderly folks or pregnant women; everyone will appreciate a seat in a packed bus or train.^[5]
   
7. Practice self-care and love. Being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to other people. Take care of yourself by getting rid of your negative filter, taking a break to read a good book or take a bath, and complimenting yourself. Support yourself with positive affirmation, and be patient when things don’t go exactly as planned. This will put you in a better mindset to help others.
   

[Edit]Expressing Gratitude

1. Do a chore for a family member before they can get to it. If your partner normally cooks dinner, do it for them that day in the exact same way that they would do it. It will show them that you appreciate how much they do for you.
   
   • You can also wash their car, weed the yard, do the dishes for a week with no questions asked, or make them breakfast in bed.
2. Thank the people who normally don’t receive a lot of thanks. We tend to forget about the more “invisible” people in our society who keep our lives running smoothly. Thank the person who delivers your mail, the barista who prepared your coffee, and the janitor who cleans building where you work. Write a note or say “thank you” genuinely in person.^[6][7]
   
   • Send or bring treats like donuts or pastries to your local police station, emergency room, or fire department. You can order them from a bakery, or even better, make them yourself! Include a thank you card with your gift.
   • A lot of people don't get much positive reinforcement in their day-to-day life, so kind words really help them feel seen.^[8]
3. Leave a big tip at a restaurant. Waiters and waitresses often rely on tips for a large part of their income. Make someone’s day by leaving a 50-100% tip.^[9]
   
4. Pick up trash on the side of the road and throw it away. Normally city employees or private clean-up agencies do that, so make their job easier by cleaning up any litter that you see.^[10] Make sure you stop your car safely on the side of the road if you were driving.
   
   • If you take a walk, take a plastic grocery bag with you so you can collect any trash you see.
5. Expect nothing in return. The greatest acts of kindness are those freely given because you care about another person and want them to be happy. Kindness is its own reward, so it will improve your sense of well-being and happiness no matter what you do.^[11]
   
   • If you pick up trash on the side of the road, don’t call the city waste management office and brag about how much work you’ve saved them.
   • If you do a chore for a family member, don’t hold it over their head by saying “You owe me one.”
   • If you give up your seat on public transportation, don’t look around at other people expecting them to give up their seat for you.

[Edit]Tips

• The phrase “random acts of kindness” is a shortened form of “practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty,” which comes from a 1993 book of the same title by Anne Herbert and Paloma Pavel.^[12] It is a reversal of “random acts of violence and senseless acts of cruelty”, a common newsspeak phrase in the 1980s.^[13]
• “National Random Acts of Kindness Day” a national holiday celebrated in the U.S. on February 17th.^[14]
• Even the smallest things can be random acts of kindness, like smiling at someone or saying hi to a stranger.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Be Cheerful
• Start a Charity
• Be Kind

[Edit]References

1. ↑ [v161576_b01]. 29 September 2020.
2. ↑ http://www.bradaronson.com/acts-of-kindness/
3. ↑ [v161872_b01]. 28 July 2021.
4. ↑ [v161576_b01]. 29 September 2020.
5. ↑ http://www.omnipositive.com/80-inspiring-random-acts-of-kindness/
6. ↑ [v161576_b01]. 29 September 2020.
7. ↑ [v161872_b01]. 28 July 2021.
8. ↑ [v161872_b01]. 28 July 2021.
9. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/29-ways-to-carry-out-random-acts-of-kindness-every-day.html
10. ↑ http://blog.udot.utah.gov/2012/01/adopt-a-highway-state-road-clean-up/
11. ↑ https://www.feld.com/archives/2014/07/mentors-218-expect-nothing-return.html
12. ↑ http://www.improvisedlife.com/2013/06/11/the-origins-of-random-kindness-and-senselss-acts-of-beauty/
13. ↑ http://www.craveonline.com/culture/955243-odd-origin-random-acts-kindness-day
14. ↑ https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-random-acts-of-kindness-day-february-17/

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How to Accept Your Body

People are constantly bombarded with unrealistic and potentially harmful images of “ideal” body types. This can make it difficult to accept, love, and feel confident in your own body, which is critical. It's also important to learn what your body can physically do and become comfortable with these capacities. According to philosopher Baruch Spinoza, humans “know not what a body can do,” in the sense that nobody can know exactly what their body is actually capable of doing, at least before experimenting with it.^[1] Psychologists note that there is a distinction between how people perceive their bodies and how their bodies engage in actions.^[2] In order to accept your body, it’s important to get in touch with both of these aspects of your body on their own terms.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Appreciating Your Unique Body

1. Recognize what actually gives you pleasure. Make a list of your most pleasurable moments. Include as many details as possible, such as who you were with, what you were doing, where you were, etc. Reflect on what these have in common. Was it the type of people you were with? The amount of excitement produced? Or simply the setting, like being in nature or in a big city? As you realize the conditions under which your body has received the most pleasure in the past, try maximizing the amount of time you spend in similar situations in the future.
   
   • Every person has a unique body, which means you'll need to experiment and find out what gives you pleasure.^[3] Research suggests that less than half of Americans describe themselves as particularly happy with their present conditions, partly because they're not entirely certain about what actually makes them happy. Start off simply by thinking back on all of the times you would describe as happy.
2. Recognize what you are naturally good at. Part of having a unique bodily structure and chemistry is coming to terms with the fact that some bodies will naturally be better at some activities than others. If you max out your height growth at 2 inches, for example, odds are you won’t become a world class center in the NBA. But, you might become a particularly good horse jockey. Learning to accept your body means learning to accept that your body is better at performing certain actions as opposed to others. It might take you some time to figure out what activities those are.
   
   • If you aren’t sure what activities your body is naturally suited for, spend some time experimenting with ones you’d never imagine yourself to be interested in. Take a class in yoga or pottery. Attend an improvisational performance meeting. Just like Spinoza said, there’s no way to know what your body can do until you do it.
3. Identify what you like about your body and appearance. Even people with terrible body image can find something about their bodies to appreciate. It's important that you learn to love and appreciate all of your good qualities, including physical ones. Don't allow yourself to get hung up on qualities that bother you, only focus on the positive.
   
   • For example, you may currently be unhappy with your thighs—perhaps you think they are chubby or scrawny—but try to put a positive spin on this. You may wish you had slightly thinner thighs, but they do an excellent job propelling you up hills. Or, you may think your legs are spindly, but you are among the few that can really pull off wearing skinny-jeans.
4. Accept your body as it is. This means not trying to change who you are or focus on qualities you don't like. Learn to enjoy your body - how you move, feel, and get around. Let go of how you used to look, especially if your body has undergone changes from pregnancy, childbirth, injuries, or medical conditions. Be kind to your body as it is right now.^[4]
   
   • Don't put yourself on a diet, unless your doctor has advised it. Learn to listen to your body and eat a comfortable amount. Don't deny yourself food or beat yourself up about how much you eat.^[5]

[Edit]Learning to Avoid Negative Thoughts about Your Body

1. Realize how much time you devote to negative thoughts. Negative thoughts do nothing to improve your self-image. Spend a day or two actively reflecting upon how often you think about your body. How often do you think or say something negative about your body? How often do you have positive thoughts? Chances are, you are far more critical than positive.^[6]
   
   • Consider keeping a tally in a journal, note-pad, or on your phone for this task. Carry a notebook with you when possible and quickly jot down each negative thought that comes up. Include whether or not the negative thought was related to the way you might have looked. At the end of the day, you will likely be amazed at how much more negative you are throughout at single day than you realized.
2. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. While this may be difficult in the beginning, it's an important part of accepting your body. As soon as you notice yourself starting to have a negative thought, replace it with something positive about yourself.^[7] Give yourself time to get into the habit of thinking positively.^[8]
   
   • Try starting each day by thinking a few positive thoughts. Remind yourself of these thoughts throughout the day when you start feeling critical of yourself. For example, you might say, "I really like the way this new haircut makes me feel."
3. Limit your exposure to negative media images. Try to cut back or stop engaging with television shows, movies, magazines, or blogs that present an unrealistic or negative depiction of the body. Remind yourself that a majority of photos circulating the internet and magazine subscriptions have been altered to make the models pictured appear more in line with standard notions of beauty and sexuality.^[9]
   
   • Psychologists are worried that with this trend's increase over the last 20 years, such images are creating unrealistic ideals regarding what a body should look like. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked in by these empty caricatures with no reference in the real world.
4. Find a therapist who uses Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Many CBT techniques used by psychologists focus on the present and short-term using goals as therapy.^[10] While it's best to see a therapist for CBT, you can begin to practice it on your own. When you notice a negative thought about yourself surface, stop yourself, take a deep breath, and try to locate the evidence for your belief. Has anyone actually told you this aspect of your body was flawed? If so, was the person just trying to hurt you, or maybe making a joke?
   
   • Psychologists believe that, in many cases, if you have an unrealistic expectation of how you should look, you'll have a distorted body image. It's important to notice when these unrealistic expectations show up in your thought processes, so that you can hopefully challenge these ideals with concrete information.^[11]
5. Handle the negative people in your life. You are already working on being kinder to yourself and focusing on the positive aspects of yourself, but you also need to assess the other people in your life. Do you get criticism from your friends and family? Do they tell you that you need to lose weight, dress differently, or change your hair? If so, it's important that you find ways to address these negative influences.
   
   • Keep in mind that you probably won't be able to cut out your close friends and family in the same way that you can stop buying Vogue or watching America's Next Top Model. Even so, if they body-shame you or are overly harsh and critical, you need to be willing to have a respectful, yet firm discussion with them about how their words or behaviors hurt you.
6. Mix in different social groups. As you try out new activities, talk to people you might typically ignore or shy away from. Talking to strangers might feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you do it the easier and better it will get. No matter how uncomfortable you might feel at first, keep in mind that isolating yourself from other people can be even worse, with some research suggesting it can be just as deadly in the long run as obesity.^[12] It is important to become more comfortable engaging with new people, especially if the people you are currently around aren’t supportive of your body-image or aren't positive influences.
   
   • Brain research suggests that who people love is highly influenced by their brain chemistry, which means you might not always fall in love with the kind of person you imagined for yourself.^[13] This can also be true for building close friendships. It’s important to surround yourself with people who support you and encourage your self-discovery. Simply put, it will be much easier to accept your body and challenge any unrealistic ideals you might have if you're surrounded by people that accept you and your discoveries.^[14]

[Edit]Learning to Focus on the Positive

1. Pay attention to the compliments you receive. Rather than look out for criticisms, enjoy the compliments you get. Pay attention to the content of other peoples' compliments and remember them. Write them down so that you can remind yourself of them later, especially during darker moments.
   
   • Instead of dismissing other peoples' compliments or convincing yourself that they're just being polite, take them at their word and trust that they are not just humoring you. Consider that others are giving you their honest assessments. Accept their positive words graciously.
2. Consistently identify what you like about yourself. Every time you notice yourself thinking negatively about your body or an aspect of it, remind yourself of something about your body that you like. Make a list of at least ten positive things about yourself, omitting anything appearance-related. Add to the list frequently.
   
   • This will help you begin to understand and appreciate all the wonderful aspects of yourself. You'll realize that your body is just one part of your total package. ^[15]
3. Reinvent your relationship with your mirror. If you spend too much time in front of the mirror, make a rule that you can't say or think anything negative about yourself when you look in it. Instead, use your mirror to identify the positive things you see. If you're still struggling with the mirror, take it away for a while. Studies have shown that you may be more likely to focus on your career or relationship, rather than your looks.^[16]
   
   • Verbalize positive affirmations in front of the mirror: Say to yourself “You're beautiful!”, “You're amazing,” etc. when standing in front of the mirror.^[17] This may feel forced, and you may not initially believe what you're telling yourself, but experts tell us that this process—what they call cognitive behavior therapy—really does work over time.

[Edit]Setting Goals and Making Changes

1. Improve your health and well-being. Part of learning to fully accept and be happy with your body may mean that eventually you change some aspect of it. For example, this might mean that if you are overweight, you hope to lose weight. But, remember that the numbers on the scale are just one aspect of and indicator of your overall health. Make sure that you are scheduling and keeping regular physical exams where you can get all of your “numbers” (weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc.). This will give you an overall picture of your health and will allow you to discuss your health goals with your doctor.
   
   • It's possible that you may need to gain or lose weight to be healthy, but you should also aim to achieve strength, flexibility, and endurance.
2. Set positive goals. Rather than focus on the negative of the goal, highlight the positive. For example, if you decide to begin a work-out regime, avoid framing your goal in terms of how many pounds you want to lose. Instead, have your goal be something positive, like “I'll work out so that I can run two miles without stopping,” or “I'm going to commit to a walking program so that I'll be fit enough to hike part of the Appalachian Trail with my dad.”^[18]
   
   • You'll have better luck at success (both in terms of achieving your goals and learning to feel better about yourself) if you think of what you hope to accomplish or be able to do better.
3. Do physical activities that you enjoy. Choose activities and exercise programs that you find fun and entertaining, and don't select them solely on the basis of how they can help you change your body. Instead, spend some time trying out new activities and go with the ones you truly enjoy and can get excited about. If you love yoga, for example, then do it, even if you think that you are currently too overweight to look graceful at it. Nearly any fitness program can be adapted for individuals of different sizes and fitness levels.
   
   • If you are self-conscious working out in front of other people, consider taking private lessons, working out with a close friend, or working out at home. Be careful not to let your fear of being judged by other people dictate how you will lead your life.
4. Adopt your own style. Don't choose your clothes, make-up, or hair-style simply based on what you think is “appropriate” for someone of your body type or what the fashion magazines say is most flattering. Wear what you want, what you like, and what you feel comfortable in. Choose clothes that reflect your personality, that are comfortable, and that fit your lifestyle and activities.
   
   • Try out a wide variety of clothing styles and fits. If you feel confident and beautiful in a style that is considered to be “flattering for body-type X,” then by all means wear it, but do so because you like it, not because you think you're supposed to wear it.^[19]

[Edit]Keeping Things in Perspective

1. Compare yourself only to yourself. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all looked the same. There's no point in comparing yourself to others, regardless of whether the person is a celebrity or classmate sitting next to you. Instead, compare yourself in terms of how you've progressed over time, now that you've created your own realistic goals. For example, you might think to yourself that you've improved your appearance compared to a few years ago.
   
   • Don't forget to be patient and kind to yourself. Don't treat or judge yourself any more harshly than you would your friend or anyone else.^[20]
2. Know when to seek help. Understand that nearly everyone struggles to maintain positive body image all the time and it's normal to have ups and downs. But, you should also honestly consider if you need to speak with a counselor, doctor, or mental health professional.^[21] There are various signs that your body issues are severe and require professional help. Ask yourself the following:^[22][23]
   
   • Are you unable to control negative thoughts about yourself? Do you spend hours thinking about your perceived flaws?
   • Does your unhappiness with your appearance interfere with your life? For example, do you avoid going out or speaking in public? Do you dread going to work because you're afraid of being seen and judged?
   • Do you spend an excessive amount of time in front of the mirror each day and/or groom excessively?
   • Are you unable to stop comparing yourself to others? Do you avoid being photographed?
     • Understand that if you struggle with any of these, you'll most likely need help to accept your body. You may possibly have what is known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), which typically requires professional help. If left untreated, BDD can lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior.^[24] Even if you are not diagnosed with BDD, know that there is no shame in seeking help and advice rather than struggling on your own.
3. Find professional help that works for you. You have several options when it comes to getting professional help. You can see a mental health therapist and/or counselor and get one-to-one therapy. Or, you could find local support groups for a slightly less formally structured experience. There are even online support groups where you can build relationships with others who suffer from pervasive negative thoughts about their body.
   
   • The important thing here is simply finding support from others who are not going to judge your perceptions about yourself. They might even have some helpful tips to offer you.
4. Remember that body-image is only one part of a healthy self-image. It is important that you learn to accept and hopefully love your body, but it's also vital to realize that your self-worth is not defined in any sense by what you look like.^[25]
   
   • When you think about the people you admire, love and/or respect the most, what qualities spring to mind? Do you value others or yourself only for the physical qualities or because of character and personality traits?^[26]

[Edit]Tips

• Put post-it notes on your mirror which identify your good traits. Feel free to include some notes which identify physical traits you appreciate (e.g., “You have gorgeous cheekbones”), but be sure to have some notes which are not just looks-related.
• A strong support system is important, since it can be helpful to have advice about your body-image from someone you trust. You can refer back to this when negative thoughts come up.
• Be sure to discuss with your doctor any decisions to begin a new diet or exercise program, and be on the lookout for extreme or sudden changes in your body.
• Everyone is different no matter what shape and size you are. Some people find different shapes and sizes different.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Love Your Body
• Love Yourself
• Read Body Language
• Exfoliate Your Body for Soft Skin
• Get a Bikini Worthy Body
• Build Self Confidence

[Edit]References

1. ↑ Spinoza, B. (1677). Ethics. Everyman Classics, translation by G H R Parkinson, 1989. (Note, Prop. II, Part III)
2. ↑ Gallagher, S. (2005). How the body shapes the mind. Oxford; New York: Clarendon Press.
3. ↑ Kate, H. (2013). Positive Psychology And The Body: The Somatopsychic Side To Flourishing: The somatopsychic side to flourishing. McGraw-Hill Education (UK).
4. ↑ [v161500_b02]. 31 July 2020.
5. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/accepting-your-body/
6. ↑ [v161500_b02]. 31 July 2020.
7. ↑ http://www.bulimiahelp.org/articles/22-ways-love-and-accept-your-body-just-way-it
8. ↑ [v161500_b02]. 31 July 2020.
9. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vivian-diller-phd/photoshop-body-image_b_891095.html
10. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/demystifying-treatment-for-body-dysmorphic-disorder/
11. ↑ Veale, D., Gournay, K., Dryden, W., Boocock, A., Shah, F., Willson, R., & Walburn, J., (1996). Body Dysmorphic Disorder: A Cognitive Behavioural Model and Pilot Randomized Controlled Trial. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 34, 717-729
12. ↑ http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/08/dangers_of_loneliness_social_isolation_is_deadlier_than_obesity.html
13. ↑ Marazziti, D., Akiskal, H. S., Rossi, A., & Cassano, G. B. (1999). Alteration of the platelet serotonin transporter in romantic love. Psychological Medicine, 29(3), 741–745.
14. ↑ http://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ894784.pdf
15. ↑ http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/20-ways-love-your-body
16. ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/16/fashion/mirror-fasts-help-take-the-focus-off-yourself.html?_r=0
17. ↑ http://www.bulimiahelp.org/articles/22-ways-love-and-accept-your-body-just-way-it
18. ↑ [v161500_b02]. 31 July 2020.
19. ↑ http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/20-ways-love-your-body
20. ↑ http://www.bulimiahelp.org/articles/22-ways-love-and-accept-your-body-just-way-it
21. ↑ http://www.nedc.com.au/body-image
22. ↑ http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd
23. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353938
24. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353938
25. ↑ http://www.bulimiahelp.org/articles/22-ways-love-and-accept-your-body-just-way-it
26. ↑ http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/20-ways-love-your-body

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How to Set Goals and Achieve Them

Few things are better in this world than setting a goal and achieving it. Just like when athletes experience a type of "runner's high" after a race, so too does completing any goal produce a sense of elation and pride. This article explores many ways of setting and pursuing goals. Goals won't just complete themselves. You need to be regimented in your pursuit of them. Get started. Keep going. Achieve your aspirations.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Formulating Your Goals

1. Decide what you really want to achieve. Don't be concerned about what others want for you. Make your goals for yourself.^[1] Studies show that when your goals are personally meaningful, you’re more likely to get ahead in life and achieve them.^[2]
   
   • Oftentimes, this is the hardest part of the goal-making and fulfilling process. What do you want? The answer to this is often a mixture of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Buzz phrases like “stay true to yourself” clash with familial and work obligations. Find goals that promote a balance in your life - goals that make you happy and benefit your loved ones and others that depend on you.
   • Consider asking yourself some questions, such as “What do I want to offer my family/community/world?” or “How do I want to grow?” These questions can help you determine the direction to take.^[3]
   • It’s okay if your ideas are fairly broad at this point. You’ll narrow them down next.
2. Prioritize. Once you have an idea of what you really want to achieve, you need to prioritize these areas. Trying to work on every area of your life at once can leave you overwhelmed and unable to achieve any of your goals.^[4]
   
   • Split your goals into three areas: first, second, and third tier. The first-tier goals are the most important to you, and they may come more naturally. The second and third tier goals are not as important. They may also be more limited or specific.
   • For example, first tier goals could be “improve my health” or “spend more time with my family.” Second tier goals could be “keep my room clean, learn to surf” and third tier goals could be “learn to knit, do laundry more regularly.”
3. Set specific goals. Be specific and realistic about what it is that you want to achieve.^[5] Research shows that setting a specific goal makes you more likely to achieve it and can even make you feel happier in general. Be as specific and detailed as possible, remembering that you may need to break large goals into smaller sub-goals.^[6]
   
   • Ask yourself some questions about your goals. What do you need to do to achieve them? Who will need to assist you? When will each stage of your goal need to be accomplished?
   • For example, “Be healthier” is too big and vague to be a helpful goal. “Eat better and exercise more” is better, but it’s still not detailed or specific.
   • “Eat 3 servings of fruit and vegetables a day and exercise 3 times a week” is specific and concrete, making it much easier to achieve.
   • You also need to build the scaffolding for how you will achieve these goals. For example, to achieve your fruit and veg goals, will you bring healthy snacks along to work? Choose a fruit cup instead of fries the next time you eat out? For exercising, will you work out at the gym or go for walks in your neighborhood? Think about the individual actions you need to take to “add up” to your overall goal.
   • If you have multiple stages for your goals, when does each need to be accomplished? For example, if you’re training for a marathon, you need to have an idea of how long each stage of training will take you.
4. Be realistic. Setting the concrete, specific goal of “Buy a 3-bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side” won’t help you if your budget is more “Studio apartment in Brooklyn.” Keep your goals grounded in reality. It’s okay to have aspirational goals, but you need to know exactly what to do to get you there.^[7]
   
   • For example, if your ultimate goal is to buy a big house in the country, you will need multiple sub-goals to accomplish this. You’ll need to save up money, build your credit, even possibly increase your income. Write out each of these sub-goals, along with the steps to take for each.
5. Write out your goals. Be detailed, be clear, and include your deadlines. Writing them down tends to make them feel a little more real. Keep your list in a place where you can reference them frequently. This will help keep you motivated.
   
   • Word your goals positively. You’re much more likely to achieve your goals when they are worded in positive ways, such as “Eat more fruits and vegetables” instead of “Stop eating junk food.” another example of this is "Exercise more often" instead of "Sit around less".^[8]
6. Make sure your goal is measurable. How will you know when you’ve completed a goal? If your goal is to move to a new house, you’ll know based on when you sign on the dotted line of your new lease or title papers. Other goals aren’t measurable at first glance. If your goal is to become a better singer, then how will you know when you’ve reached it? Set measurable goals instead.^[9]
   
   • For example, you could memorize and “perfect” a single song. Learn to play an instrument while singing. Hit a new note. Measurable goals give you a sense of completion when you’ve finished them as you work towards a larger goal.
7. Keep your goals grounded in what you can achieve. Remember that you can only control your own actions, not anyone else’s. “Become a rock star” is not really a feasible goal because it relies on others’ actions and responses that you can’t control. However, “form a band and practice our music until we’re excellent musicians” is a goal that your own work can achieve.^[10]
   
   • Focusing on your own actions can help you face setbacks, too, because you will recognize that you can’t control the roadblocks you may encounter.
   • Remember that goals can also be processes. For example, “become a senator” relies too much on others’ actions, which you can’t control. If you don’t become a senator, you’re likely to consider your goal as a failure even if you did your best. “Run for public office” is a goal that you can consider achieved, even if you don’t win the election, because you went through the whole process to the best of your ability.
8. Create a realistic schedule. Your deadline doesn't have to be exact, but it should be your best guess. Your deadlines must be realistic based on your goals. If you're a part-time worker making minimum wage, don't make your goal to have earned a million dollars by the end of the year. Give yourself enough time to accomplish what you've set out to do.^[11]
   
   • Set a deadline. We all procrastinate. It almost seems like a natural human quality, but when a deadline is approaching, you’ll work harder to obtain your goal. Think about being in school. When a test was coming up, you knew you needed to study, and you did. Setting goals for yourself should work the same way too.^[12]
   • Remember that some goals will take more time to achieve than others. “Eat more fruits and vegetables” can be achieved very quickly. “Become more physically fit” will take much more time and effort. Set your timelines accordingly.^[13]
   • Take external deadlines and timelines into consideration. For example, if your goal is “Find for a new job,” make sure to include any application deadlines that your prospective employers have.
   • Set up a rewards system. Humans respond well to reward systems. Whenever you accomplish part of your goal, however small your progress, give yourself a little reward. For example, if your goal is to practice your music more regularly, allow yourself a half-hour with a comic book or your favorite TV program once your daily practice is finished.
   • Stay away from punishing yourself if you don’t meet your goals. Punishing yourself or beating yourself up about not accomplishing something can actually hold you back from accomplishment.
9. Identify possible obstacles. Nobody really wants to think about what could go wrong when they’re planning for success. However, identifying potential obstacles and how you’ll deal with them is crucial to achieving your goals. If you don’t, you won’t have a game-plan when challenges inevitably present themselves.^[14]
   
   • Obstacles can be external. For example, if your goal is to open your own auto shop, you might not have the money to buy your own shop at first. If your goal is to open your bakery, you might not also have the time to spend with your family that you want.
   • Identify actions you can take to overcome these potential obstacles. For example, you could apply for a business loan, write a business plan to attract investors, or partner with a friend to go into business together.
   • Obstacles can also be internal. For example, a lack of information can be an obstacle, especially in more complex goals. Emotions such as fear and uncertainty can also be internal obstacles.
   • Actions you could take to address a lack of information could include reading up on the subject, asking a mentor for advice, practicing, or taking classes.
   • Acknowledge your limitations. For example, if the obstacle is that you don’t have enough time to focus on setting up your business and spending the quality time with your family that you desire, there may not be a way to resolve that tension. However, you can talk with your family to let them know that the situation is only temporary.
10. Tell people about your goals. Some people shy away from letting others in on their life goals. They fear that if they fail, they’ll be ashamed. Don’t think of it this way. Think of it as allowing yourself to be vulnerable, without which you can’t connect with others or grow personally.^[15] Others can help you reach your goals, can offer physical assistance, or just give you the necessary moral support.
    
    • Others may not react as enthusiastically to your goals as you hope. What is important to you may not be as important to others. Recognize that there is a difference between constructive feedback and mean-spirited commentary. Listen to what they have to say, but in the long run, you’ll have to decide how important your goal is to you.^[16]
    • You may also encounter others who do not support your goals. Remember that you’re working on your goals for you, not for anyone else. If you constantly meet with negativity from someone about your goals, express that you do not enjoy feeling judged or unsupported. Ask the person to refrain from judging you.
11. Find a community of like-minded people. Chances are you aren’t the only one with this goal. Find others who have the same aims. You can get started together and benefit from each other’s knowledge and experiences. When you’ve reached your goal, you’ll also have someone to celebrate with.
    
    • Go online, utilize social media, and visit local places that cater to your goals. In our digital age, there are many ways of connecting, staying connected, and forming a community.

[Edit]Getting Started

1. Start working toward your goals today.^[17] One of the hardest steps to achieving your goals is taking that first step. Begin immediately. Even if you don’t know what your exact course of action is going to be yet, just go with your gut. Do something that is geared towards your goals. When you complete that step, recognize that you are on your way.^[18] You’re more likely to continue working on your goal if you can feel a sense of immediate progress.^[19]
   
   • For example, if your goal is “Eat healthier,” go grocery shopping to buy fresh fruit and vegetables. Clear out your pantry of junk food. Go online and look for healthy recipes. These are small actions that are easily accomplished, but they can add up fast.
   • If you want to learn any new skill, you have to start practising. Strum a guitar and practice basic chords if you want to become an excellent musician. Start reading self-help books designed to help beginners develop new skills. No matter what your goal is, there is a way that you can start immediately.
2. Follow your plan of action. If you followed the steps presented earlier, you should have a good idea of what steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Now is the time to put them into action.^[20]
   
   • For example, if your goal is to buy that three-bedroom house, go to real estate websites and look around for houses that meet (or are close to) the criteria of what you want. Determine your budget and how much of a down payment you’ll need. Set up a savings account for a down payment and start saving. Build your credit by paying bills responsibly and managing credit lines.
3. Visualize achieving your goal. Research has shown that visualization can help improve your performance.^[21] There are two forms of visualization: outcome visualization and process visualization. To meet your goals, combine the two.^[22]
   
   • For outcome visualization, imagine yourself accomplishing your goals. Make this visualization as concrete and detailed as possible. How good does it feel? Who is there to congratulate you? Do you feel proud? Happy?
   • For process visualization, imagine the steps that you must take to achieve your goal. For example, if your goal is to become a small business owner, imagine each action you take to achieve that goal. Imagine yourself creating a business plan, applying for a small business loan, pitching to investors, etc.
   • Process visualization helps your brain “encode prospective memories.” Psychologists say that this process can help you feel like you can accomplish your goals because your brain already feels some of the success from them.^[23]
4. Keep a list. Review your goals daily. Read over your goals at least once a day. Read your goals when you get up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Reflect on what you have done each day to work towards them.
   
   • When you’ve completed a goal on your list, don’t scratch it out entirely. Instead, move it to another list, this one for “accomplished goals.” Sometimes, we focus on what we haven’t achieved and forget about all the goals we’ve met. Keep the list of accomplishments around as well. It will be a good source of motivation.
5. Ask for guidance. Find a mentor or someone who has achieved your goal to give you advice. They’ll have insight into ways that you can achieve your goal or things to avoid if you want to succeed. Listen to them carefully. Consult them regularly.
   
   • Just like in school, you wouldn’t necessarily choose to teach yourself advanced mathematics. It is far easier if you have a teacher — someone who knows the “formulas” to success — to help you along the way, to explain ways of overcoming obstacles, and to celebrate with once you’ve succeeded. A good mentor will be just as proud of you for achieving your goal as you’ll be of yourself.

[Edit]Handling the Journey

1. Recognize “false hope syndrome.” False hope syndrome is probably already familiar to you if you’ve ever set a New Year’s resolution. Psychologists describe this syndrome in three parts that make up a cycle: 1) setting the goal, 2) feeling surprised by its difficulty, 3) giving up on the goal.^[24]
   
   • False hope syndrome often happens when you expect immediate results from your actions. For example, you might set a goal of “Become more physically fit” and then get discouraged when you’ve been working out for two weeks without noticeable changes. Just remember that some goals do take time and setting up clear stages and timeframes can help combat unrealistic expectations.
   • This syndrome can also happen when the initial “rush” of the goal wears off. For example, the goal “Learn to play the guitar” is really exciting for a little while, as you buy a new instrument, learn a few chords, etc. However, when the real work of daily practice, calluses, and chord progressions sets in, you may lose momentum. Setting small goals and celebrating small successes can help you keep your momentum going.^[25]
2. View challenges as learning experiences. Several studies have shown that people who treat setbacks as learning experiences are more likely to feel positive about their ability to achieve their goals.^[26] If you view challenges, setbacks, or even your own mistakes as “failures” and beat yourself up for them, you’ll be focusing on the past instead of looking toward the future.
   
   • Research has shown that people who accomplish their goals don’t usually have fewer setbacks than people who give up on their goals. The difference is in how you envision the setbacks. Can you learn from what went wrong to do something differently next time?^[27]
   • The drive for perfectionism can also hold you back from acknowledging mistakes as sources of growth. When you hold yourself to impossible standards of performance, you’re actually more likely to feel like your goals can’t be achieved.^[28]
   • Instead, be compassionate with yourself.^[29] Remind yourself that you are human, and that all humans make mistakes and experience challenges.
   • Studies have shown that positive thinking is effective at helping people learn and adapt than focusing on your mistakes or flaws. Next time you find yourself beating yourself up over a perceived failure, remind yourself that you can learn from every experience, no matter how unpleasant it is in the moment.^[30]
3. Acknowledge every victory. So much of achieving goals is a matter of perception. Celebrate small wins. If your goal is to make straight A’s and you do well on an exam, celebrate it. If you goal is to become a lawyer, celebrate every hoop you successfully jump through, such as getting into law school, doing well in a course, passing the bar, and finally getting a job.^[31]
   
   • Celebrate benchmarks or milestones. Some goals will take years if not longer to accomplish. Recognize and celebrate the amount of time that you’ve spent doing something. Practice takes time and effort. Recognize and be proud of the amount of time you’ve put into something.^[32]
   • Celebrate the smallest accomplishments, too. For example, if your goal is “Eat healthier” and you’re able to say “no thanks” to that greasy but delicious slice of pizza, pat yourself on the back for your willpower.
4. Stay passionate. Whatever your goal is, it is a goal for a reason. It is something that you want for yourself in the future. Let that passion and drive show. Reminding yourself about what you are working towards can help you get through momentary difficulty or unpleasantness.^[33] Sometimes, the best destinations force you to take the roughest trails.
   
5. Revise your goals if necessary. Life is filled with lemons that don’t make very good lemonade. Sometimes, unexpected things happen that will affect your plans. Don’t be afraid to recalibrate, think of new plans, set new goals, and in some cases reject old goals that you might not care about any more.
   
   • Setbacks are natural. They shouldn’t automatically deter you from your ultimate goals. Recognize why you are facing a setback. Is it something you can control or not? Move forward accordingly.^[34]
   • Consider new opportunities. Some of the best things in life aren’t planned. Say yes to new opportunities if they help further your own goals or present new, better goals.
6. Persevere. Keep track of the small successes you accomplish. Achieving these smaller tasks will help you build your self-confidence, because you’ll know that you’re capable of achieving things you set out to do. Remind yourself of your past successes when you find yourself struggling.^[35]
   
   • Remember that setbacks don’t mean failure. Author J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels were rejected twelve times in a row before a publisher agreed to take a chance on them. Inventor Thomas Edison’s schoolteachers told him he was “too stupid to learn anything.”^[36] Oprah was fired from her first television job and told she was “unfit for TV.”^[37]
   • Sometimes it's that negative feedback from others that fuels our drive to be successful at our goals and dreams.

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Accomplish a Goal
• Achieve Your Goals for the New School Year
• Achieve Short Term Goals
• Set Goals

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v161450_b01]. 30 June 2020.
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
3. ↑ https://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/january/resolutions-succeed-mcgonigal-010615.html
4. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/samanthasmith/2013/12/30/a-guide-to-evaluate-your-priorities-set-goals/?sh=1af9656c4c35
5. ↑ [v161450_b01]. 30 June 2020.
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
7. ↑ [v161450_b01]. 30 June 2020.
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/201004/what-are-the-most-popular-goals-in-the-world
10. ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/page6.html
11. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/glassheel/2013/03/14/6-ways-to-achieve-any-goal/?sh=554af1846406
12. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/glassheel/2013/03/14/6-ways-to-achieve-any-goal/?sh=696b20646406
13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
14. ↑ https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/the-9-obstacles-that-keep-you-from-achieving-your-goals
15. ↑ https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability/transcript?language=en
16. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/glassheel/2013/03/14/6-ways-to-achieve-any-goal/?sh=137b9bd46406
17. ↑ [v161450_b01]. 30 June 2020.
18. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/228279
19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
20. ↑ https://leavingworkbehind.com/how-to-set-goals/
21. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/flourish/200912/seeing-is-believing-the-power-visualization
22. ↑ http://www.ijiet.org/papers/389-N10002.pdf
23. ↑ https://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/january/resolutions-succeed-mcgonigal-010615.html
24. ↑ https://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/january/resolutions-succeed-mcgonigal-010615.html
25. ↑ [v161450_b01]. 30 June 2020.
26. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_help_students_develop_hope
27. ↑ https://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/january/resolutions-succeed-mcgonigal-010615.html
28. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201407/the-problem-perfectionism-how-truly-succeed
29. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2014/09/alarming-new-research-on-perfectionism.html
30. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_neuroscience_of_good_coaching
31. ↑ https://leavingworkbehind.com/how-to-set-goals/
32. ↑ https://www.success.com/1-on-1-how-to-set-a-goal-and-achieve-it/
33. ↑ https://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/january/resolutions-succeed-mcgonigal-010615.html
34. ↑ https://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=113
35. ↑ https://www.actionforhappiness.org/take-action/set-your-goals-and-make-them-happen
36. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/successful-people-who-failed-at-first-2014-3
37. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/15-people-who-failed-before-becoming-famous-2012-10

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