How to Know When to Say No

Knowing when to say no takes skill and practice. Learning these skill can help keep you safe, build and maintain strong and healthy relationships, and be able to identify the best opportunities that come your way while ignoring things that are a waste of your time and talents. In order to know when to say no, it is important to learn more about your personal limits as well as to understand how to identify opportunities that are too good to be true.

EditSteps

EditKnowing Your Limits

1. Reflect on your personal boundaries. Consider your physical, emotional, and mental boundaries. ^[1] Physical boundaries involve privacy, space, and your body. For example, what kinds of activities you are willing to engage in – in each of your relationships with others (hugging, shaking hands, kissing, etc.) – or in recreational activities (walking instead of running after knee surgery, or saying yes to waterskiing but no to skydiving). Emotional boundaries are where you set the line between your responsibility for your own feelings versus others’ feelings. Mental boundaries involve your thoughts, values, and opinions.^[2]
   
   • You might find it helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings about your personal boundaries. Then you can return to the list in the future to help you make difficult decisions.
2. Reflect on any times where you have said "yes" but regretted it. Take time to write down or otherwise reflect upon any times in the past that you have gone beyond what makes you feel comfortable. Ask yourself about the people involved and the situations where these things happened. Examining past events this way can help you to make better choices next time.
   
3. Listen to your feelings. Your feelings have a great deal to tell you about where you should set your limits. Anything that makes you feel resentment or discomfort should raise a red flag for you. Sometimes anger, too, can be the result of going beyond your personal limits.^[3] If a situation or personal interaction makes you feel resentful or a level of discomfort that is not reasonable, then ask yourself what is causing that feeling.
   
   • Do you feel taken advantage of or not appreciated? Are you responding that way because of someone else’s expectations about you? Feelings of resentment and discomfort can both be signals that you are not setting limits where you should.^[4]
4. Give yourself permission to stay within your self-defined limits. Many people who are learning about their own limits so they can know when to say no find that they experience feelings like self-doubt, fear, and guilt.^[5] Remember that it is not selfish to say no, and that saying no can be a way to take care of your health and well-being.^[6]
   
5. Try a "boundary building" exercise. These exercises can help you see what having "strong but flexible" boundaries – what experts say are the best kind – feels like. Psychologists have developed exercises you can use to help visualize your boundaries are so that you will know the right times to say no.
   
   • Choose a type of boundary you are interested in exploring – mental, physical, or emotional. Focus on this type of boundary while you do this exercise.
   • Close your eyes and imagine you are in the middle of a circle you have drawn around yourself. Make the circle as big or small as you want – give yourself the amount of space that feels best for you.
   • Imagine your circle turning into a wall. Make your imaginary wall out of anything you like – thick glass, grey cement, bricks and mortar – just make sure that your wall is strong.
   • Now imagine yourself having the power to be in control of the wall. You can melt a temporary hole to let something in or out, you can open a tiny window, or you can pull a brick out of the wall to make an opening. Think about being in control of your wall, and about being safe and powerful inside the circle you have built.
   • Stay inside the wall for one minute.
   • Repeat the exercise once a day.^[7]
6. Practice saying no. Knowing when to say no takes time and practice, and over time you can learn to hone your skills so that you are better able to recognize the situations where you can and should say no. Practice saying no clearly so that the person you are speaking to isn’t confused and thinks you will say yes later. Give a brief but clear reason for saying no, and be honest rather than using an excuse.
   
   • Be respectful when you say no – you can let the person or organization know that you value them and what they are doing but that you are not able to do what they ask.^[8]

EditIdentifying Your Personal Priorities

1. Identify your priorities. In order to make a good decision about when to say no, you will want to identify what your own personal priorities are in life. To do this, take some time to reflect on the top 10 things that you feel make your life worth living. Don't worry about choosing things you "should" choose - this list is about what makes you happy.
   
   • After completing the list, put it away.
   • A few days later, write another list (without looking at your first list). Put that list away.
   • Repeat again a few days later.
   • Look at all three lists and combine them into one. Note where ideas repeat, and combine items that seem similar to you.
   • Rank your priorities.^[9]
   • Use the final list as a resource to help you make decisions by asking yourself how different decisions might effect your priorities.
2. Say no when you already have too much to do. If you are feeling overloaded already, saying yes to one more thing can have very negative consequences for the work you are doing, for your physical and mental wellbeing, and for your relationships. Small things in your work might start to slip, you might get sick or have a breakdown, or your relationships with friends and family might suffer.^[10][11]
   
   • Remember that your health and well-being is ultimately more important than taking on another task.
3. Be realistic about your own capacities. Business experts say that people are often too optimistic about how quickly and well they will be able to accomplish something. Take the time to reflect honestly about whether or not you have the skills, abilities, and time to do what is being asked. Don’t say yes thinking that you can "change the rules" later on. Be clear and honest from the start with yourself and others so that you know when to say no – and know when the perfect time to say yes comes along.
   
4. Take the time you need to make the right decision. If you are not sure about whether saying yes is a good idea, honestly tell the person asking that you are not sure. Then take some time – even a few days – to reflect, research, and seek advice.^[12]
   
5. Make a pro and con list keeping your long-term goals in mind. Sit down and make a list – on paper, on your computer, or even on your mobile phone – of the reasons to say yes and the reasons to say no to the opportunity before you. Doing this can help you make a good decision because you will be able to see if the "great" opportunity you initially feel you can’t pass up is as great as it really seems.
   
   • When you look at your list, think about where you want to go in the future. If you say yes now, will that decision help you get where you want to go?^[13]

EditIdentifying Unprofitable Opportunities

1. Calculate the "opportunity cost" of saying no. If the opportunity is business-related or involves financial decisions – anything from whether to take on a new babysitting client to whether to get your groceries delivered instead of going to the store yourself – you will want to calculate the "opportunity cost."
   
   • Start by calculating how much one hour of your time is worth when you spend that hour doing paid work.
   • For each opportunity that presents itself, calculate how much the opportunity will cost as part of your decision about whether or not to say no.^[14]
   • For example. You are normally paid $15 per hour for your work. Having your groceries delivered costs $10, but going to the grocery store takes two hours. If you are choosing between picking up an extra two hours at work or doing the shopping yourself, you would probably choose the work hours ($30) and pay the $10 delivery charge.
   • Remember that opportunity cost should be only one part of your decision making process. It can help you to understand the financial aspects of a dilemma, but there are usually other issues to consider when making a complicated decision.
2. Decide whether you have the skills and abilities needed to say yes. If someone asks you to take on a task or a project you aren’t ready for, then you might not be able to do a good job. You might find it very stressful to complete the task or project, and the person who asked you might not be happy with the result.
   
   • If you say no now and keep working on preparing yourself, then next time you will be able to confidently say yes – knowing that you will do a great job. Or maybe the task or project is just not a good fit for you. Don’t set yourself up to fail.^[15]
3. Assess whether saying yes will jeopardize commitments you have already made. If you are already very busy, think about whether or not you have the time to do an adequate job of whatever is being asked of you. For example, if you are a busy student with many commitments already, then taking on a new part-time job or volunteer position might not be the best idea if it is going to compromise your ability to complete school assignments.
   
   • The same principle goes for people who are running their own business: if taking on a new client will mean compromising on the work you are doing for existing clients, then you will want to carefully consider your next step. Is it worth risking losing both clients because of shoddy work?^[16][17]
4. Ask yourself if the request is a realistic one. Sometimes people ask for a favour or seek out someone to do a job for them without really knowing what they need or without thinking through a reasonable way to make the request. If you are not sure the request is realistic – something that can be done – then do some research to find out.
   
   • Don’t say yes unless you are certain that the job really can be done the way the person is asking.
   • Don’t be afraid to say "maybe" or to negotiate a realistic way of accomplishing the goal.^[18]
5. Ask for advice. If you are not sure about whether to say no, ask a trusted advisor. If you are a student, that might be a teacher or professor. It could be a parent, or a friend or other family member. These people will help you to see "the big picture" and can often give you a fresh perspective on your dilemma.^[19]
   

EditTips

• Remember that knowing your limits and using strong but flexible boundaries is not something that you are doing to punish others. You’re not saying no because you want to hurt others. Keeping within your own personal limits is something that you do for your own well-being – to keep yourself safe and well in the present and for the future.
• Remember to be assertive, calm, firm, and courteous when you say no. If someone does not want to take no for an answer, you can let them know what the consequences of any actions they take will be if they choose to violate your personal boundaries.

EditWarnings

• Trust your instincts and remember to put your personal safety first when it comes to a situation that could be dangerous.

EditRelated wikiHows

• Be Independent
• Stop Caring About What Others Think of You
• Grow Up
• Tell Someone You Are Not Ready to Have Sex
• Protect Against an STD

EditSources and Citations

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How to Cook Sweet Potatoes

Sweet potatoes are a healthy, sweet alternative to regular potatoes. This wikiHow will show you several ways of cooking them.

• Prep time: 20 minutes
• Cook time: 45-60 minutes
• Total time: 65-80 minutes

EditKey Points

• Bake them in the oven at 400 °F (204 °C) for 45 - 60 minutes. More ↓
• Microwave them on HIGH, uncovered, for 8 to 10 minutes. ↓
• Cook them in a slow cooker on LOW for 4 to 6 hours in 1/4 to 1/2 (60 to 120 milliliters) of water. ↓
• Boil peeled and cubed sweet potatoes for 12 minutes. Drain the water, add some butter, then mash them. ↓

EditIngredients

EditOven Baked Sweet Potatoes^[1]

• 8 unpeeled medium sweet potatoes
• 8 tbsp. of butter
• Salt to taste
• Pepper to taste

EditMicrowave Baked Sweet Potatoes^[2]

• 8 unpeeled medium sweet potatoes
• 8 tbsp. of butter
• Salt to taste
• Pepper to taste

EditSlow Cooked Sweet Potatoes

• 8 unpeeled medium sweet potatoes
• 6 tbsp. of butter
• 1/4 to 1/2 cup (60 to 120 ml) water
• Salt to taste
• Pepper to taste

EditMashed Sweet Potatoes^[3]

• 8 peeled medium sweet potatoes
• 1/4 to 1/2 cup (60 to 125 ml) butter
• Salt to taste
• Pepper to taste
• 1/3 cup (80 ml) sour cream
• 1/4 cup (60 ml) milk

EditSteps

EditMaking Oven Baked Sweet Potatoes

1. Preheat the oven to . Line a rimmed baking sheet with nonstick aluminum foil.
   
2. Scrub the skin of the potatoes clean. Use a vegetable brush and running water to remove any dirt and grime off the skin of the sweet potatoes.
   
   
3. Pierce the exterior of each sweet potato. Use the tines of a fork to make holes in the skin of each potato, piercing the potato three or four times. Place the pierced sweet potatoes on the prepared baking sheet.
   
   
4. Bake the uncovered sweet potatoes in the oven. The sweet potatoes need to bake until they become tender, which will usually take between 45 - 60 minutes.
   
   
5. Soften the flesh. Place each sweet potato inside a clean kitchen towel. Roll the potato on the counter, pressing on it gently. Doing so loosens the flesh inside.
   
6. Cut open each sweet potato. Use a knife to slit open each potato from one end to the other.
   
   
7. Serve the sweet potatoes hot with butter, salt, and pepper. Each sweet potato should be topped with about 1 tbsp. (15 ml) of butter. Add salt and pepper to taste.
   

EditMaking Microwave Baked Sweet Potatoes

1. Scrub the sweet potatoes clean. Wash the exterior of each sweet potato under running water, using a vegetable brush to remove any stubborn dirt.
   
2. Pierce the skin. Poke into each sweet potato three to five times with the tines of a fork.
   
3. Place the sweet potatoes in a microwave-safe dish. You can also use a microwave-safe plate with a rim. Do not cover.
   
4. Microwave the sweet potatoes until tender. Set the microwave on full power and cook for 8 to 10 minutes. Pause the microwave halfway in between to flip and rotate the sweet potatoes to ensure even cooking.
   
5. Slice open each sweet potato. Cut an "X" in the top of each potato and gently press on the sides of the skin to push the flesh upward.
   
6. Serve with butter. Use about 1 Tbsp. (15 ml) of butter per sweet potato. Add salt and pepper to taste.
   

EditMaking Slow Cooked Sweet Potatoes

1. Wash the sweet potatoes. Scrub the skin with a vegetable brush under running water.
   
2. Poke holes in the skin. Use the tines of a fork to pierce the outside of each sweet potato several times, covering the exterior in tiny holes.
   
3. Place the sweet potatoes into a 5 or 6 quart (5 or 6 liter) slow cooker. The sweet potatoes can be piled up near the top, but you should still be able to cover the slow cooker with a lid without any difficulty.
   
4. Add 1/4 to 1/2 cup (60 to 120 ml) water to the slow cooker. A little water will help the sweet potatoes cook better, but there should not be enough water to cover them. You do not want them to boil in the slow cooker. Instead, the water is there to prevent the sweet potatoes from drying out and potentially burning.
   
5. Cook the sweet potatoes for 4 to 6 hours. Cover the slow cooker and set the heat to low, cooking the sweet potatoes until they become tender.
   
6. Slice open and serve. Cut the sweet potatoes open with a knife or fork. They should be tender enough to fall apart without needing to loosen the flesh using other techniques. Add 6 tbsp. of butter and salt and pepper to taste before serving.
   

EditMaking Mashed Sweet Potatoes

1. Peel and cube the sweet potatoes. Use a vegetable peeler to remove the skin from each sweet potato. Cut each one into 1/2-in. (1.27-cm) cubes. Place these cubes in a colander and rinse with running water to remove any traces of dirt.
   
   
2. Transfer the sweet potato cubes into a 4 quart (4 liter) pot. Fill the pot with enough water to cover the cubes. Add a dash of salt to the water.
   
   
3. Boil the sweet potatoes for 12 minutes. You can add a pinch of salt to the pot if you like. Cover the pot and heat the water and cubed sweet potatoes over medium-high to high heat, until they feel tender when pierced with a fork.
   
4. Drain the water. Pour the contents of the pot through a colander. Separate the water out and return the potatoes to the pot.
   
   
5. Add the butter to the sweet potatoes. You can add anywhere from 1/4 to 1/2 cup (60 to 125 ml) of butter, depending on how creamy you want the mashed sweet potatoes to be. Allow the butter to sit on the hot sweet potatoes until it melts, stirring as necessary to speed up the melting process.
   
6. Mash the sweet potatoes with a potato masher. Smash the sweet potatoes and butter together using the masher until the mixture becomes smooth.
   
   
   • If you do not have a potato masher, you can also use a hand-held electric mixer.
7. Add the remaining ingredients. Stir in 1/3 cup (80 ml) of sour cream and 1/4 cup (60 ml) of milk and add salt and pepper to taste. Continue stirring with a large spoon or fork until the mixture is creamy and thoroughly combined.
   
   
8. Return the pot to the oven. Cook the mashed sweet potatoes over low heat, stirring frequently, until the sweet potatoes are heated through. Then, serve them while they're hot.
   

EditVideo

EditTips

• Instead of flavoring your sweet potatoes with butter, salt, and pepper, you can also flavor them with cinnamon, brown sugar, paprika, and numerous other sweet and spicy seasonings. The seasoning you choose should depend on your own sense of taste.
• Aside from these basic ways to cook sweet potatoes, there are also numerous other ways to prepare them. You can slice them and bake them with a glaze, cut them into wedges and bake them as fries, or you can puree them and use them for baked goods like bread, pies, and cakes.
• Store your sweet potatoes in a cool, dark place before ready to use. Sweet potatoes decay and grow moldy rather easily, especially if stored poorly. Do not keep the sweet potatoes in the refrigerator, since refrigeration can cause sweet potatoes to lose their flavor.

EditThings You’ll Need

• Vegetable brush
• Baking sheet
• Nonstick aluminum foil
• Microwave-safe dish
• Fork
• Knife
• 5 or 6 quart (5 or 6 liter) slow cooker
• Vegetable peeler
• 4 quart (4 liter) pot
• Potato masher or hand-held electric mixer

EditRelated wikiHows

• Cook a Sweet Potato in the Microwave
• Use-Up-Left-over-Bolognese-Sauce-or-Chilli

EditSources and Citations

• Videos provided by Fablunch

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19 Dog Memes That Will Warm Your Heart

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How to Remove Calluses Naturally

Calluses are areas of hardened skin that usually develop on weight-bearing areas. Most calluses are on the feet and are caused by poorly fitting shoes or not wearing socks. The pressure of badly fitting shoes and the friction of going sockless can cause the skin to react, resulting in corns and calluses. On the hands, the most common causes are playing musical instruments or using any sort of hand tool--even a pen-- that causes pressure and friction. ^[1] For a healthy person, calluses can usually be treated at home using methods that involve softening the skin and rubbing away the callus.

EditSteps

EditRecognizing Calluses

1. Recognize what a callus looks like. A callus is a small spot of hardened, thickened skin that develops from pressure or friction. Most often, they occur on the soles of the feet or on the hands or fingers.^[2]
   
   • Calluses are not contagious, but they can become uncomfortable if they get too large.^[3]
2. Know the difference between a callus and a corn. Corns and calluses are terms that are often used interchangeably. They do share some similarities, but there are also some differences. Technically, corns are areas of hardened skin near a bony area. Corns are usually found on or between the toes. Calluses are not associated with bony areas and usually appear on weight-bearing areas.
   
   • Both corns and calluses are caused by friction, such as the foot rubbing on shoes or toes rubbing against each other. ^[4]
   • Another difference between corns and calluses is that the callus is all thickened skin, but a corn has a hard central core, surrounded by reddened and inflamed tissue.
   • Corns tend to be painful, while calluses are rarely painful.
3. Contact your physician if your callus is painful. If your callus becomes infected, inflamed or painful, you should talk to your doctor. It may require medical treatment.
   

EditSoftening the Skin

1. Soak the callus in hot water. The simplest thing one can do is to soak the feet in hot water. Take a medium-sized tub and fill it up with warm water, around 45°C (113°F) and while sitting on a chair or stool, immerse your feet in the tub for 15 to 20 minutes while you relax and read a book.
   
   • Add Epsom salts for additional skin softening.^[5] Soften the hardened skin by adding a half cup of Epsom salts for every gallon of water. Soak the affected area for 10 to 20 minutes.
   • At the end of this foot spa of sorts, you will find your calluses getting soft. Over a few days of repeating this procedure they will be soft enough for you to just scrape them off with your hand.^[6]
2. Massage castor oil into the callus. Castor oil can be used to soften skin and encourage new skin growth. Apply castor oil by massaging it into the callus. Then cover your feet or hands with old cotton socks or old cotton gloves. Castor oil will stain clothing, so be sure to choose something that can get stained. Cotton clothing is preferred because cotton is a natural fiber that will absorb the castor oil, but it will also leave some castor oil on the callus. Leave on for at least 30 minutes.
   
3. Cover the callus in Vitamin E. Take a caplet of Vitamin E containing 400IU and use a needle to poke a hole in the caplet. Squeeze out the Vitamin E and massage it into the callus. Use as many caplets as needed to cover the entire callus.
   
   • Leave the Vitamin E on the callus for at least 30 minutes.
4. Make an aspirin paste. Aspirin contains salicylic acid, which helps treat calluses. Make a paste by crushing six uncoated aspirin tablets in a bowl. Add a half-teaspoon of either apple cider vinegar or lemon juice to make a paste. Apply the mixture onto the callus. Wrap the affected area in a warm towel and leave it on for 10 to 15 minutes.^[7]
   

EditUsing a Pumice Stone

1. Purchase a pumice stone. Pumice is an extremely porous rock that forms during volcanic eruptions. ^[8] It can be used to gently rub off (exfoliate) the thickened skin of a callus. Once the callused area is softened, you’ll use a pumice stone to rub off the top layers of the callus.
   
   • Pumice stones are readily available at drug stores and grocery stores.
2. Moisturize the callused area. Use one of the softening methods to get your callused area ready. Moisturize by leaving on castor oil or Vitamin E for at least 30 minutes, or you can leave on one of these treatments overnight.
   
3. Rub the pumice on the callused area. Use the pumice after the moisturizing step to make it easier to gently remove the thickened skin. When your skin is softened, you won’t need to rub too hard. Use gentle, firm, single direction strokes, such as those similar to how you would file your nails or play a violin. With a steady hand and constant, minimal pressure, rub off the top layer of the calluses to bring about healthy skin from underneath.
   
   • Always remember that the callus is your body’s response to increased pressure and friction. Rubbing too hard may result in more callus formation.
4. Repeat this process every day. Be patient with the process of removing the callus. Use the pumice every day to remove a fraction of the callus. This may take a while, but will pay off in the long run.
   
5. Talk to your doctor if the callus won’t go away. If after one to two weeks, the callus is still present, call your physician for advice. The callus may require a medical procedure such as:^[9]
   
   • Surgical trimming
   • The use of urea (a cleaning agent that helps loosen skin^[10]) to soften and remove the skin cells
   • Orthotics to minimize pressure and/or friction
   • More extensive surgery
6. Don’t try to cut or shave the callus. Although the skin on a callus is hardened, you should remove the skin by rubbing it away. Do not try cutting or shaving the area. This can cause infections and laceration injuries. You can easily cut too deeply or at the wrong angle. You may require medical attention if you do this.^[11]
   

EditPreventing Calluses from Forming

1. Examine your skin regularly for calluses. Monitor your skin for changes that might indicate a callus is forming. If you can’t reach or see your feet, ask someone to help you. You can visit a doctor or podiatrist for a foot examination.^[12]
   
2. Stop the activity that’s causing the callus. If you are developing a callus from playing a guitar, for example, you can stop doing that activity. It may not be feasible to stop the activity, however. For example, if you have a callus on your finger from using a pen for writing, you may not be able to eliminate this activity from your daily routine.
   
3. Get shoes that fit properly. Many people develop calluses on their feet when their shoes don’t fit. Since calluses are the skin’s response to pressure or friction, you need to remove the source of the pressure or friction.
   
   • Get your feet measured. As you age, your feet will change size and shape, so it’s important to keep your shoe size current.^[13]
   • Try on shoes before you buy them. Sometimes, the fit will be different depending on the manufacturer, so pay attention to how the shoe feels on your foot, not the size marked on the box.
   • Make sure there is about ½ inch between your toe and the tip of the shoe.
   • Don’t buy shoes expecting them to stretch as you wear them. If they are too tight when you buy them, then go up a size.
4. Protect your skin from calluses. Wear gloves, socks and properly fitting shoes to protect your skin from calluses. Don’t walk around barefoot, as this increases the potential for callus formation.^[14]
   
5. Use moisturizing foot and hand creams. Using these lotions on your feet and hands before you wear your shoes or gloves to reduce friction can greatly alleviate your callus pain.
   
   • Alternatively, consider slathering them in petroleum jelly. Moisture will never be a problem again!
6. Use orthopedic shoe inserts. These or the donut shaped footpads specifically recommended for calluses are fantastic as they keep the callused area raised and cushioned, hence reducing friction by avoiding contact with footwear. They won't get rid of existing calluses, but they will prevent new ones from forming.^[15]
   
   • You can also make a foot pad out of moleskins by cutting two moon-shaped pieces and arranging them around your callus.

EditWarnings

• For people with diabetes or circulatory disorders, both corns and calluses can be significant problems. If you have diabetes or a circulatory disorder, talk to your physician before trying to remove a callus. Even minor cuts or injuries can cause potentially serious consequences such as foot ulcers.

EditRelated wikiHows

• Remove Corns from Your Toes
• Remove Dry Skin from Your Feet Using Epsom Salt
• Remove Warts Naturally Using Garlic
• Heal Cracked Skin
• Exfoliate Feet for a Pedicure

EditSources and Citations

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