How to Breed Syrian Hamsters

Breeding hamsters to add to your current hamster family? Plan ahead and educate yourself before adding more fuzzy friends to your household. Hamster breeding is not something to take lightly. Make a firm commitment to your plan before going through with it.

EditSteps

EditPreparing to Breed Syrian Hamsters

1. Have a valid reason for breeding Syrian hamsters. You should have a clear plan in place about what you're going to do with all these babies. Some options include:
   • Keeping them as pets
   • Selling them as pets (though it's not likely to bring in much income)
   • Using them for snake food
   • Giving them away to good homes
2. Consider how you will enact your plan. You might think "I'll just give them away to good homes," but that's likely going to be harder than it sounds. Think hard about your market before breeding, or you'll have more hamsters than you have customers.
   • How will you advertise your hamsters? Good places to start include online, in the newspaper, and at the pet store.
3. Avoid breeding closely related hamsters. If you already own some hamsters from the same family, you don’t want to breed them together. When you allow brothers to mate with sisters, or fathers/daughters or mothers/sons, you create an inbred line of hamsters. Inbred lines can suffer from genetic flaws. For healthy hamsters, avoid inbreeding at all costs.
4. Buy an unrelated male and female hamster. If your current hamsters are related or if you don't yet have any, talk to several pet stores about where they get their stock. You only need one male and one female to get started. However, buy them from different suppliers to ensure the two breeding animals are not closely related.
   • You might also contact a hamster breeder directly.^[1]
5. Make sure that the hamsters are about the same age. Hamsters can start breeding as early as two months of age. However, it's best to let them grow to 4-6 months before breeding them. This improves the chances of a healthy litter.
   
6. Provide the hamsters with comfortable environments. You only want them to breed when you plan for it, so buy each its own medium-large hamster cage. Keep them separate unless you are actively trying to breed them. Keep the cages in the same room, but not close together. In each one, place:
   
   • A food bowl
   • An inverted water bottle
   • Exercise toys
   • Anything else you think will make them feel more at home
7. Move the cages together after a week. This will allow your male and female to see and smell each other. Let them introduce themselves, but don’t put them together yet. Another way to let them get to know each other is to put them into separate exercise balls. While you're watching, let them roll around in their pods, smelling each other and interacting safely.
   
8. Introduce the hamsters when they come of age. Once your hamsters are at least four months old, you can introduce them to each other in a third, neutral cage. If the female attacks the male, she is not ready to mate. Get him out of the cage as soon as possible to avoid injury.

EditMating Your Hamsters

1. Determine whether the female is in heat. You can't mate your hamsters if the female isn't going to be receptive to the male. She could go into heat every 4-5 days, though, by this age.
   
   • Gently stroke the female on the bottom. If her tail goes erect, she's in heat.
   • That means she's ready to mate with the male.
2. Do not place the hamsters together when the female is not in heat. Hamsters are territorial animals. If they don't want to mate, they'll likely ending up fighting instead. This could lead to injury, or even death. Check the female every day until she's in heat before placing them together.
3. Place the hamsters in the same cage when the female is in heat. Either gently place her in the male's cage or put both hamsters in a neutral third cage. Don't put the male in the female's cage, though, as she will likely fight him to protect her territory.
4. Supervise the mating process. If all goes well, the female's tail should go erect, and the male should mount her more than once. This may last for around 30 minutes, and the male will likely clean himself between attempts.^[2]
   
   • Be watchful for fights, even if the female seems receptive.
5. Separate them when they're finished. You'll be able to tell when they're done because they will seem suddenly disinterested in each other. When this happens, move the female back into her cage.
6. Make a record of the date. An important part of breeding hamsters is keeping good records, so you know what to expect. Either mark mating dates on a calendar or write them down in a notebook.
   • Hamsters hibernate when the temperature dips below 50°F (10°C). They will not breed at that temperature.^[3]

EditPreparing for Birth

1. Observe the female for a week. Sometimes, a hamster's behavior changes noticeably when she gets pregnant. Note if she's being strangely quiet, cleaning herself more, or eating and drinking more than usual. Another common sign is an instinct to gather up large nests. If you see these telltale behavior changes, she is likely pregnant.
2. Figure out when she will give birth. Syrian hamsters usually grow and carry their babies for 15-18 days before giving birth. Look up the date on which you last mated your hamsters and add 15 days to it. That is the earliest likely due date for your new litter.
3. Watch for physical changes in the female. You won't be able to tell she's pregnant for sure until just a few days before she gives birth. By ten days after the mating, you should be able to see her belly swelling clearly, just like with human pregnancies.
4. Provide her with nesting and bedding materials. A pregnant female will have a natural instinct to build herself a big nest. Give her extra bedding materials like paper towels or bathroom tissues so she can shred them up for her nest.
   • You might also offer a safe (non toxic, no ink, not sharp) bedding material like Pennine “Curl Up” Hamster bedding.^[4]
5. Prepare the cage for the birth and babies. Make sure you've cleaned the cage five days or so before the due date, and that there is extra food and bedding in the cage. Prepare ahead of time so you don't disturb the mother and babies for the first week after birth.
6. Do not handle the hamster close to her due date. You want to keep her as calm and relaxed as possible. Keep her environment quiet and soothing — dim or remove bright lights. Keep curious pets like dogs and cats away from her as she gets ready to deliver her babies.
   
   • Hamsters usually give birth without problems if you wait until they're old enough to mate (4 months).
   • The birth will likely happen at night when everything is quiet.
   • Litters can be as small as 4 or as large as 16 babies.^[5]

EditTaking Care of the New Litter

1. Don't disturb the new mother or her babies. Female hamsters sometimes eat their own babies if they get stressed out. It's very important to keep the environment as calm as possible. Though you might be eager to play with the babies, give the mother space and peace for their safety.
   
   • At first, the babies will look pink and hairless. They are born with their eyes closed.
2. Continue to care for her after the delivery. While you don't want to disturb her, you do still need to make sure she has everything she needs in her cage. For the first week and a half to two weeks or so, discretely refill the mother's food bowl and water bottle.
   • You don't need to provide the babies with anything at this point. They'll get everything they need from nursing.
3. Begin feeding the babies about one week after birth. Scatter small portions of broccoli, grated carrot, wheat germ, or tofu in their nest for them to eat.^[6] The mother will also store food in her cheek pouches, and bring it back to the nest to feed her babies.
   
4. Check for healthy development in the babies. A week after birth, they'll start to grow fur. You should just be able to tell what colors they are. The pups will also start making little noises at this age. One or two adventurous babies may leave the nest, but don't worry if the mother picks them up in her mouth and puts them back.
5. Clean the cage at two weeks. Enough time should have passed by now to let the mother settle into her new role, so you can give the cage a much-needed cleaning. It's also your first opportunity to handle the babies, which is an important step in socializing them to humans. By handling them at two weeks, you make them more comfortable with human interactions.
   • Get your hands "dirty" with the scent of the used litter before touching the babies. This prevents the mother from rejecting or attacking them later.^[7]
   • Move the hamsters into another cage one by one.
   • When cleaning the cage, avoid completely destroying the nest.
   • Hamsters will usually have a “toilet” area in the cage. Concentrate your cleaning there, and leave the nest more or less intact.
   • Of course, if the nest is soaked or filthy, go ahead and replace it with fresh materials.
6. Adjust the cage for the babies. While cleaning the cage, make a few changes to transition them into adulthood. Add a second food bowl to the cage. The mother's water bottle will be too high for the babies, so place a second one at a lower position. You could also place a raised platform under the mother's bottle so the babies can reach it.
   • Don't lower the mother's water bottle to the babies' height because then she won't be able to reach it.
7. Check the babies’ two-week development. At this age, the babies should have all their fur and be running about independently. Though they were born with closed eyes and ears, they should be starting to open up now.
   
8. Determine the babies' genders at around 3.5 to 4 weeks. This can be a tricky process. Look at the distance between each hamster's anus and genital opening. The distance on a male will be longer than the distance on a female.^[8] By four weeks, the males' testicles should also be noticeable, as should the nipples on the females' bellies.
9. Separate the males and females once you determine the genders. Hamsters have a lot of loose skin, and you can hold them by the scruff of their necks or by the loose skin down their backs. Don’t drop them, though, and be ready to return them to the cage if you start to lose your grip.
10. Double check the babies' genders. Not all hamsters mature at the same rate, so you have to make sure you gendered them correctly. For a few days after you separate them into male and female cages, keep checking gender every day. You might notice testicles one day that you didn't see before in a cage of baby “females.” If so, switch the baby to the correct cage.
    • If you are unsure about the sex of your babies, take them to your vet or an experienced hamster breeder for help. You want to avoid accidental breeding of siblings.
11. Get the babies used to human handling. Place your hand in the cage so they can smell it, and let them climb up into your palm if they want to. You can also scoop them up with a small cup and start gently petting them on the back.
    
    • The babies will be ready for their new homes after 35 days of age.^[9]
12. Line up customers early. Don't wait too long to start looking for people to take your hamsters, because 35 days goes by fast. Keep your customers updated as the hamsters approach 35 days in age, so they can prepare their own homes.
    
13. Sell the hamsters. Make sure you send them off to reliable homes with families that will love them. Provide the new owners with information on hamsters and hamster care. You want the babies to have the best new start you can provide.
    
14. Separate females after 2-3 months of age. If you keep any of the babies, know that the females are highly territorial. While you can house adult males together as long as there's enough food and space, adult females are terrible roommates. When they reach 2-3 months of age, separate all females into their own cages.

EditTips

• Don't clean the cage before the babies reach two weeks. If your scent gets on the babies, the mother might neglect or attack them. Don't touch them at all until two weeks have passed.
• Once the hamsters have mated, separate the male and female back into their own cages. Isolate the pregnant female away from noise and bright lights.
• Breeding hamsters is a big investment of time and money. Be sure you're committed to this before breeding your hamsters.
• Do your research before breeding hamsters. Talk to reputable breeders and a knowledgeable veterinarian.

EditWarnings

• When the babies are born, DO NOT TOUCH THEM. The mother could abandon or even cannibalize her own babies. Avoid loud noises, bright lights and commotion.
• Mother hamsters can have up to 20 babies or more, so make sure that you have enough bedding, food and space in the cage.
• Despite what pet shops say, an 80x50 hamster cage is the smallest acceptable size for a hamster cage. Make sure that the babies cannot escape, as they are much smaller than the adult hamsters. Using a cage with clear solid sides (like a fish tank) will prevent the babies from escaping or getting caught in wire floored cages
• Breed healthy animals with good temperaments. This increases the likelihood that the babies will also have good health and temperament.
• Do not allow anybody to buy a hamster if the cage they intend to put him/her in is smaller than 80x50cm.
• Have the information for a hamster-savvy vet who can answer your questions along the way. Develop a relationship with him or her before you start breeding hamsters.
• Line up customers before breeding the hamsters.

EditThings You'll Need

• Cages
• Lots of hamster food (depending on how many babies).
• Lots of bedding during the end of gestation so she can prepare the nest, and do her best before delivering the babies.

EditRelated wikiHows

• How to Keep Syrian Hamsters from Breeding
• How to Care for Hamster Babies
• How to Keep a Happy Hamster
• How to Care for a Hamster

EditSources and Citations

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We Know What Cat GIF Will Make You Smile Based On Your Birthstone

Behold the jewels of the cat gif mewniverse!

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15 Things You For Sure Never Noticed About Owning A Cat

You’ve gotta be kitten me!

They legitimately have no clue what babies are or what purpose they serve.

"Why is this naked cat here now??!"

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Cats can, and will, ignore you in order to sleep.

That whole time you thought they were listening to your problems? Napping.

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Sometimes, they turn back into their original box form.

vine.co

They find comfort in the solace of their baked brethren's home.

imgur.com

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This Little Animal Really Gets Into The Holiday Spirit

Surprise, it’s adorable.

These weensy little pine tree-lookin' things are called Christmas Tree Worms.

Flickr: globalvoyager

Yeah, they're worms. But that doesn't even matter because they're friggin' adorable.

These colorful fellows live on corals, and the Christmas-tree-like parts that you see are only a small part of their bodies. The rest is burrowed into the coral, and the lil' worm will retract itself into this burrow if it senses any outside danger. They're sedentary, so they won't move from their little burrowing spot once they've established it!

Flickr: globalvoyager

See? THEY ARE MINI CHRISTMAS TREES. IT'S CUTE.

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LOOK, IT'S LIKE A TINY FESTIVE FOREST.

Flickr: boogieswithfish

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Look at it. What is that? How can one animal be so reflective? Horse, tell me your secrets.

This horse, too. This horse has some powerful hair secrets.

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How to Stay Awake Without Caffeine

Staying awake when you are tired can be very difficult. Whether you are trying to work, get through a day after a sleepless night, or recovering from travel, it is possible to help yourself feel awake, alert, and energetic without having to resort to using caffeine or other medications. Getting a good night’s sleep every night is the best long-term solution to chronic fatigue, but there are also many other methods to keep yourself awake and alert.

EditSteps

EditChanging Your Environment

1. Go outside. Any change of environment can be good, but a walk outside in the fresh air and sunlight is invigorating. Take a break and walk around for a few minutes. Or, if you are able, move your work outside for a little while. ^[1]
   
   • If you cannot go outside, try opening a window for fresh air, or at least sitting near a window with curtains or blinds drawn back to let in natural sunlight.
2. Turn on the lights. Though natural light is the best, any increase in light can be a shot to your senses and give you a “wake up” surge. ^[2] If you are unable to access natural light, blue light that is present in LED screens has also showed benefits to wakefulness ^[3]
   
3. Take a break from screen time. Looking at screens like your TV or Computer can lead to visual and mental fatigue. Take a break from the screens and do something with pen and paper. Try stretching your vision by looking at things close up and then far away, alternating very quickly. ^[4]
   
4. Turn up the music. Pumping up the volume on your favorite jams and singing along will help you feel more awake. You may need to use headphones if you are in an office setting or if there are other people around. ^[5]
   
   • Be sure to select songs that are upbeat and peppy.
   • Get a bonus energy surge by dancing along with the music.
5. Turn the temperature down. Colder rooms are more likely to make you feel alert. Working in an environment that is hot and stuffy can make you feel like you need to nap. Turn down the thermostat and open a window if it is cool outside. If it is a hot day, try turning on a fan and the air conditioning if applicable. ^[6]
   

EditConsuming Energy-Boosting Foods

1. Drink water. Staying naturally hydrated with water will help you feel more alert. The act of drinking water interrupts other work, which gives you a “mini break,” and hydration helps your body function smoothly, which helps you feel awake. ^[7]
   
2. Increase your protein and healthy fat consumption. Foods that are high in protein^[8] and healthy fats^[9] provide sustained energy that releases slowly into your body.
   
   • These foods do not lead to a blood sugar or energy “crash” like sugary or caffeinated food and drink.
   • These foods also help make you feel full longer, which may help you avoid snacking on sugary foods.
3. Avoid sugar. Sugar, like caffeine, often leads to highs and lows in energy. Consuming sugar can lead to a “sugar buzz” with temporarily increased energy followed by a crash, where the sugar has worn off and you are left feeling exhausted. ^[10]
   
4. Eat breakfast every morning. While this may not help an immediate need for energy, if you have a chronic problem with feeling tired, eating a healthy breakfast every morning will help you feel more energetic. It gets your metabolism functioning smoothly and kickstarts your energy for the day. ^[11]
   

EditBoosting Your Physical Energy

1. Move around. If you are sitting down and working, try to stand up every 5-10 minutes. Do a few jumping jacks or a dance to your favorite song if you need a burst of energy to jump-start your productivity. Going for a short walk down the hall (or, better yet, outside) also helps. ^[12]
   
2. Go to the gym. If you consistently feel sleepy in the middle of the day or just after lunch, try getting in a midday workout. Exercise, though it expends energy, also boosts energy.^[13]
   
   • Hit the gym during your lunch hour.
   • Go for a brisk walk outside if you can’t go to the gym.
   • Find an office workout routine if you cannot leave work to exercise. This may include pushups, chair sits, lunges, and sit-ups. Just remember to close the blinds to your office window!
3. Do yoga or other stretching. Yoga, while calming, is also rejuvenating. Doing a few yoga poses that promote energy when you feel tired can give your body an energy boost. Here are a few poses to try: ^[14]
   
   • Camel pose: while on your knees, arch your back so that your heart and your chest are open forward. With your feet flexed and your toes grounded, reach back and hold your ankles with your hands, and let your head fall back to stretch your neck.
   • Warrior 2: do a deep lunge, with the forward knee straight above the ankle and the foot facing the wall in front of you. The back leg should be extended with the leg straight and the foot sideways, perpendicular to the forward foot. Extend both arms out in the directions of your legs and look forward, over your extended arm and forward foot. Be sure to alternate sides.
   • Chair pose: stand with your feet flat on the floor, shoulder-width apart. Then sink down into a squat, as though you were going to sit in a chair. Be sure to keep your back completely flat. Raise both arms up over your head, shoulder-width apart, palms facing each other but not touching and fingers spread. Hold for several seconds, then stand up. Rest and repeat several times.
4. Take a power nap. Ward off extreme fatigue by taking a short nap. Evaluate whether this option is appropriate for you based on where you are. This is obviously not an option if you are driving, and it may not be an option if you are at work. ^[15]
   
   • Try to sleep for at least 20 minutes.
   • Try other methods of staying awake to rouse yourself fully after you wake from your nap so you don’t feel even more sleepy.
5. Take a shower. Taking a shower is sometimes even better than taking a nap. It can refresh you and make you feel like you are ready for more work. ^[16]
   
   • A cold shower may be necessary if you are extremely tired. ^[17]
   • The temperature changes from taking a warm shower then stepping out into cool air can also help you wake up.

EditStimulating Your Mental Energy

1. Write down notes. If you find yourself feeling tired in a meeting—particularly one that is boring—try taking notes about what people are saying. The active participation of taking notes will help keep you mentally engaged with the ideas, which will keep you more alert.
   
   • You will remember the information more clearly.
   • It will look like you are paying careful attention.
   • You may find it helpful to look back at your notes later if your mind was wandering during the meeting.
2. Laugh at something comedic. Laughter is the best medicine for many reasons, and staying awake is one of them. Watching a funny video clip or listening to a humorous story and laughing out loud at it will help you be more alert. ^[18]
   
   • You can stimulate your thinking by engaging in something funny that interests you.
   • Laughing will offer a break and release from other things you’re doing that may be tedious or unpleasant.
3. Socialize with someone. If you have been working by yourself, engaging in a conversation with another person can help wake up your mind. Engaging in conversation and an exchange of ideas will get your mind working. If you can walk over to the other person, you will get a physical boost as well.
   
   • Talking fast may also help you feel more energetic. Try upping the tempo of your speech while chatting with someone. ^[19]
4. Find a happy place. Feeling happy makes people feel more energetic, so making yourself feel happy if you’re stressed or down will give your day a boost.^[20]
   
   • Keep your favorite photos of loved ones or pets nearby at work to give yourself a happy reminder.
   • Take a mental vacation to your favorite getaway, remembering or imagining the details of what it likes to be there.

EditVideo

EditTips

• If you are so tired that you question your ability to be safe (driving, operating machinery, etc) get to a safe place and nap, or pass your duties to someone who is rested.
• Never operate heavy machinery if you feel tired.
• Try a variety of methods to find what works best for you.

EditRelated wikiHows

• How to Stay Awake at Work
• How to Feel More Awake Without Coffee

EditSources and Citations

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How to Deal With Being Taken for Granted

From an early stage in your life, you are taught to respect others, and do kind things for them, such as offering hospitality or babysitting. However, in some cases, people begin to take advantage of your generosity and kind nature, expecting more from you than is fair or right. Such people may repeatedly ask you for favors and cause you to feel obliged, without returning any favors or showing you any respect. When the boundaries are crossed, it can be challenging to go back to asserting yourself. If you feel as if there are people in your life who take you for granted, it's time to protect yourself and reset those boundaries.

Steps

Examining the Problem

1. Acknowledge your feelings. It is important to acknowledge to yourself that you feel like you’re being taken for granted. You can’t process or address your feelings until you admit that they exist. Research has linked expressing and analyzing your negative emotions to a variety of mental and physical health benefits. Repressing your feelings will only make them worse in the long run.^[1]
   
   • There’s a difference between acknowledging your feelings and dwelling on them. Focusing on negative feelings without analyzing them or working to correct them can leave you feeling worse than when you started.^[2]
2. Know that you have the right to feel respected. Social and cultural pressures may encourage you to believe that it’s rude to say “no” to others when they ask you for things. You may also have been taught to feel that your work is less valuable than others’ and does not deserve acknowledgement. (This is particularly a problem for women, especially in domestic contexts.)^[3] These things can lead to you feeling taken for granted. Everyone has the right to be respected and appreciated, and it isn’t wrong to want to be treated that way.
   
   • It’s natural to be angry or hurt, and it can be easy to let those feelings take over. Keep your focus on being constructive, rather than venting your anger on the other person.
3. Think about why you are feeling this way. To address your feelings of being taken for granted, you need to examine what is happening to make you feel this way. Write out a list of the specific behaviors and events that are making you feel unappreciated. You may find things that you can ask the other person to change. You may also find things about your own communication that you need to work on. For example, you may need to practice more clearly communicating your boundaries.^[4]
   
   • Research has shown that “feeling unappreciated” is a common reason why employees leave their jobs.^[5] 81% of employees say that they are more motivated at work when their boss acknowledges their work.^[6]
   • Studies have also shown that people who feel lonely are more likely to accept unfair treatment and allow others to take advantage of them.^[7] If you feel taken for granted, it may be because you are afraid refusing a request would result in loneliness.
   • Try not to ascribe motivations to the other person. For example: imagine that you feel taken for granted because you frequently offer rides to a co-worker but they didn’t return the favor when your car broke down. It would be fine to write down “Jenny did not give me a ride to work when my car broke down, even though I often give her rides.” It would not be helpful to write something like “Jenny doesn’t care about me because she didn’t give me a ride to work.” Without talking to Jenny, you can’t know what she really feels or why she does or doesn’t do things.
4. Identify what has changed in the relationship. If you feel taken for granted, it may be because you once felt valued by the person who is now taking you for granted. It might also stem from the knowledge that you should feel appreciated but do not. Whatever the cause, identifying what has changed about your interactions with the other person can help you feel better. It can also help you find a solution for the relationship.^[8]
   
   • Try to think back to when you first started interacting with the other person. What did they do that made you feel appreciated? What is not happening that used to? Have you changed anything about yourself?^[9]
   • If you feel taken for granted at work, it could be because you feel like your effort is going unrewarded (e.g., you haven’t gotten a raise, you aren’t acknowledged on a project). It could also be because you don’t feel involved in decision-making.^[10] Think about what made you feel appreciated about your job and see whether anything has changed.
5. Think about the other person’s perspective. When you feel injustice in a relationship, whether it’s with a coworker or a romantic partner, it can be hard to consider the other person’s perspective. You feel punished and disrespected, so why should you try to understand why you are being treated this way? Trying to understand what the other person is feeling may be helpful to understanding what is happening. It may also help you work with the other person find a solution to the problem.^[11]
   
   • In the absence of personality disorders or other issues, people don’t usually set out to treat others badly.^[12] Accusing someone of being a jerk, even if you feel your opinion is justified, is likely to provoke the other person to respond with unproductive anger. When people feel accused, they often “tune out.”
   • Think about the wants and needs of the other person. Have they changed?^[13] Research has shown that sometimes individuals will use passive “distancing techniques,” such as not returning favors and not reciprocating demonstrations of affection or appreciation, when they are no longer interested in the relationship but don’t know how to leave.^[14]

Thinking About Your Role

1. Examine your communication. You are not responsible for others’ behavior, and you should not blame yourself when others are unkind or ungenerous. However, you can control your own actions. If you feel disrespected or ignored by others, you may be able to affect how they respond to you by changing how you communicate and act. The following are some attitudes and behaviors that may encourage others to treat you unfairly:^[15]
   
   • You say yes to everything another person (or any person) asks of you, even if the request is inappropriate or inconvenient.
   • You are not willing to say no or to ask for a revision of expectations out of fear that the other person won't like you or will find fault with you.
   • You do not express your true feelings, thoughts, or beliefs.
   • You express your opinions, needs, or feelings in an overly apologetic or self-effacing way (e.g., “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you...” or “It’s only my opinion, but…”).
   • You think that others’ feelings, needs, and thoughts are more important than yours.
   • You put yourself down in front of others (and often, to yourself).
   • You think that you'll only be liked or loved if you do what other people expect of you.
2. Consider your beliefs about yourself. Psychologists have defined a set of “irrational beliefs” that can cause hurt and discontent when you hold them. These beliefs often demand more from yourself than from others. They may also use “should” statements. Think about whether you have any of the following:^[16]
   
   • You believe that it is essential to be loved and approved of by everyone in your life.
   • You consider yourself a “loser,” “worthless,” “useless,” or “stupid” if others do not acknowledge you.
   • You use “should” statements frequently, such as “I should be able to do everything anyone asks of me” or “I should always try to please others.”
3. Recognize distorted thinking. In addition to having irrational beliefs, such as feeling like you should always be able to do anything anyone asks of you, you might also think about yourself in a distorted way. In order to deal with feeling taken for granted, you must confront illogical and distorted thoughts about yourself and others.^[17]
   
   • For example, you might believe that you are responsible for everyone’s feelings (an “internal control fallacy”). This is a common source of feeling taken for granted: you worry about hurting others’ feelings by saying ”no,” so you always say “yes” when they make a request. However, you are not doing yourself or the other person any favors if you aren’t honest about your boundaries.^[18] Saying “no” can be healthy and helpful.
   • “Personalization” is another common distortion. When you personalize, you make yourself the cause of something that you aren’t actually responsible for. For example: imagine that your friend has asked you to babysit so she can go to a job interview, but you have an important event of your own at that time that can’t be rescheduled. Personalizing this situation would make you feel responsible for your friend’s situation even though you are not. If you said “yes” even though you really needed to say “no” it might lead to you feeling dissatisfied, because you didn’t respect your own needs.
   • “Catastrophizing” happens when you allow your view of a situation to spiral out of control to the worst possible scenario. For example, you may feel taken for granted because you imagine that if you speak up to your boss, he will fire you and you will end up living in a box. In all likelihood, this won't happen!
   • One of the self-defeating beliefs that can keep you trapped in a cycle of feeling taken for granted is that you don’t deserve anything different. Believing that others will leave you if you displease them can lead to you keeping people in your life that don’t contribute to your happiness or growth.^[19]
4. Think about what you want. You know that you don’t want to feel taken for granted. But what do you want? It will be hard to see any change in your situation if you feel vague dissatisfaction but have no clear ideas on what would improve it. Try making a list of things that you would like to see change about the relationship. Once you know what your ideal interaction looks like, you’ll be able to take better action to get you there.
   
   • For example, if you feel taken for granted because your children only call you when they need money, think about the way you’d like your interactions to go. Do you want them to call once a week? When they’ve had a good day? Do you want to give them money when they ask for it? Do you give them money because you’re worried they won’t call you at all if you don’t? You need to examine your boundaries so you can communicate them to others.
5. Honor yourself. Only you can set a boundary and stick to it. You may feel unappreciated because you aren’t communicating your needs and feelings clearly, or it may be because you are interacting with a manipulative person. Sadly, there are people who will manipulate others whenever possible to get what they want.^[20] Whether the other person’s treatment of you stems from ignorance or manipulation, don’t assume that the situation will simply clear itself up. You need to take action.
   
6. Challenge your interpretations of interactions with others. You may feel taken for granted because you’re allowing yourself to jump to conclusions about how interactions will go. For example, you might believe that the other person will become hurt or angry with you if you tell them “no.” Or you might assume that because someone has forgotten to do something for you, they don’t care about you. Try to slow down and think logically about each situation.
   
   • For example: you often give your romantic partner gifts to express your love for her or him, but they don’t give you gifts in return. You feel unappreciated because you are tying the other person’s love for you to a particular action. However, your partner might care about you but not demonstrate it through the specific action you’re looking for.^[21] Talking with your partner could clear up this misunderstanding.
   • You could also look at how others have handled requests from a particular person. For example, if you feel that your boss is taking you for granted because s/he always gives you the extra weekend work, talk with your co-workers. How have they handled those requests? Have they experienced the negative fallout you expect for yourself? It may be that you’re getting the work piled on because you’re the only person who won’t stand up for yourself.
7. Learn to be assertive. Communicating assertively doesn’t mean you’re arrogant or unkind. It means that you clearly express your needs, feelings, and thoughts to others. If others don’t know what your needs and feelings are, they may end up taking advantage of you even if they don’t mean to. Research has shown that you can even express negative emotions without hurting others if you do so assertively, rather than aggressively.^[22]
   
   • Communicate your needs openly and honestly. Use “I”-focused statements, such as “I want...” or “I don’t like...”^[23]
   • Don’t over-apologize or demean yourself. It’s fine to say no. You do not have to feel guilty denying a request that you don’t feel you can accommodate.
8. Become comfortable with confrontation. Some individuals will try to avoid conflict at all costs. This may be because they are afraid of displeasing others. It could be because of cultural values (for example, people from a collectivist culture may not view conflict avoidance in a negative light).^[24] When your desire to avoid conflict means that you shut down your own needs and feelings, it becomes a problem.^[25]
   
   • Being open about your needs may result in some confrontation, but this is not always negative. Research has shown that conflict, when handled productively, can foster the development of skills like compromise, negotiation, and cooperation.^[26]
   • Assertiveness training may help you handle conflict better. Assertive communication has been linked to increased self-esteem.^[27] Believing that your own feelings and needs are as important as those of others may enable you to handle a confrontation without feeling defensive or like you need to attack the other person.
9. Seek help. It can be hard to battle learned helplessness and learned guilt on your own. Once the pattern forms, it can be hard to break, especially if you have had long-term dealings with someone who was in a position of authority over you and made you feel you had to obey all the time. Don't be harsh on yourself––these behaviors have formed as coping mechanisms, ways to protect yourself from harm and threat. The trouble is that they have now become poor coping mechanisms that keep setting you up for the same fall each time. Working through them will help you feel happier and safer.
   
   • Some people are able to make a decision to work through the issues alone, perhaps with the help of a good friend or mentor. Other people find seeing a therapist or counselor is beneficial. Do what feels most comfortable to you.

Working With Others

1. Start small. Communicating your needs and standing up for yourself probably won’t come to you overnight. You may want to practice standing up for yourself in low-risk situations before you try confronting someone in a position of authority or importance (e.g., a boss or romantic partner).^[28]
   
   • For example, if a co-worker asks you to bring him or her coffee whenever you go to Starbucks but never offers to pay, you could remind him or her about the cost the next time they ask. You don’t have to be insulting or aggressive when you do this; instead, just say something friendly but clear like “Would you like to give me cash to pay for yours, or would you prefer I put both on my debit card and you can buy the next round?”
2. Be direct. If you feel taken for granted by others, you need to communicate that to the other person. However, you don’t want to simply come out and say “You take me for granted.” Attacks and “you” statements shut down communication and can make a bad situation worse.^[29] Instead, use simple, factual statements to explain your discomfort.
   
   • Stay calm. You might feel resentment, anger or frustration, but it’s important to keep those emotions under control. While there may be plenty of negative emotions within you, focus on presenting a calm front and letting the other person know that you're not unstable or attacking but that you do mean business.
   • Stick with "I" language. It's easy to fall into the trap of saying things like "you make me miserable" or “you’re a jerk,” but all that does is make the other person defensive. Instead, stick with explaining how things impact you and start your sentences with such phrases as "I feel", "I want", "I need", "I am going to" and "I am doing this from now on".^[30]
   • If you’re concerned that enforcing a boundary may seem like you don’t want to help, you can explain the situation. For example, if a coworker asks for your help, you could say something like “I would normally love to help you with that project, but my son’s recital is tonight and I don’t want to miss it.” You can establish that you care about the other person without always caving to requests.^[31]
   • Don’t reward hostile or manipulative behavior with positive consequences. “Turning the other cheek” when someone abuses you may only encourage them to continue that behavior. Instead, express your dissatisfaction with that behavior.^[32]
3. Offer ways for the other person to resolve the issue. Others may not even realize that they’ve been taking advantage of you. In most cases, they will want to make the situation right once you bring it to their attention, but they may not know how. Offer ways for the other person to address the problem so that you both can feel positive about your relationship.
   
   • For example, if you feel taken for granted because your contributions to a group project haven’t been acknowledged, explain how your boss can remedy the situation. You could say something like “My name was the only one left off of that big project. I felt like my work wasn’t valued when that happened. In the future, I’d like you to credit all the team members.”
   • Another example: if you feel like your romantic partner is taking your love for granted because he or she doesn't express feelings clearly, offer some options that would help you feel appreciated. You could say something like “I know you aren’t into flowers and chocolates, but I would like you to occasionally express your feelings for me in a way that feels comfortable for you. Even a simple text during the day would really help me feel more appreciated.”
4. Use empathy when you interact with others. You don’t have to pick fights to stand up for yourself, and you don’t have to pretend to be an uncaring jerk to say “no” to others. Expressing that you care about the other person’s feelings can help ease tension in uncomfortable situations and make them more willing to listen to your concerns.^[33]
   
   • For example, if your romantic partner always leaves the dishes and laundry for you to do, begin by making a statement of empathy: “I know that you care about me, but when I always end up doing the dishes and laundry, I feel more like a housekeeper than a romantic partner. I would like you to help me with these chores. We could alternate days, or we could do them together.”
5. Practice what you want to say. It can be helpful to rehearse what you want to say to the other person. Write down the situation or behavior that has upset you and describe what you would like to see change.^[34] You don’t have to memorize this verbatim; the point is to become comfortable with what you want to express so that you can communicate it clearly to the other person.^[35]
   
   • For example: imagine that you have a friend who often makes plans with you and then cancels at the last minute. You have begun to feel taken for granted because you don’t feel like your friend respects your time. You might say something like the following:^[36] “Terrell, I want to talk to you about something that has been bothering me. We often make plans to hang out together and you end up canceling on me at the last minute. I feel frustrated by this because I usually can’t make new plans with such short notice. I feel like you are taking my time for granted because I always agree to hang out with you when you ask. Sometimes I even wonder if you are canceling because you don’t actually want to hang out with me. The next time we make plans together, I would like you to put them in your planner so you don’t double-book that time. If you really have to cancel, I would like you to call me more than a few minutes beforehand.”
   • Another example: “Sophie, I need to talk to you about babysitting. You asked me a few days ago if I could babysit your son next week, and I said yes. I agreed because I value your friendship and I want you to know that I’m there for you when you need me. However, I have already babysat for you several times this month, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m always on call. I would like you to ask other people to help out too, instead of always asking me.”
6. Use assertive body language. It’s important to make sure that your words and your behavior match up so you don’t send mixed signals to the other person. If you have to say no to a request or enforce a boundary, using assertive body language can help the other person understand that you are serious.^[37]
   
   • Stand straight and maintain eye contact. Face the person you are speaking to.
   • Speak in a firm, polite voice. You don’t have to shout to make yourself heard.
   • Do not giggle, fidget, or pull funny faces. While these tactics might seem like they would “soften the blow” of your refusal, they can communicate that you don’t mean what you’re saying.^[38]
7. Be consistent. Make it clear to the person that when you say "no", you mean it. Don't give in to any manipulations or “guilt tripping.” People may initially test your boundaries, especially if you’ve frequently given in to demands in the past. Be persistent and polite about enforcing your boundaries.^[39]
   
   • Avoid coming across as self-righteous when you maintain your boundaries by not over-justifying your actions. Too much explanation or insistence on your own perspective may come across as arrogant, even if you don’t mean it to.^[40]
   • For example, if a neighbor repeatedly comes over to borrow your tools but often doesn’t return them, you don’t have to make a long speech about your personal rights to decline the next time s/he asks to borrow something. Politely tell the person that you do not want to lend him or her any more tools until s/he returns the others s/he borrowed.

Tips

• Remember that you want to respect both the other person’s needs and your own. You don’t have to bully others to stand up for yourself.
• Do not make sacrifices for people unless you can really afford the time, effort, money, and so forth. Otherwise, you could end up resenting them.
• Be assertive while being friendly; remember to still be polite. Rudeness may just make the other person more hostile.
• Rational thinking and self-soothing can help you a lot if you're compelled to do other people's bidding out of fear of losing the relationship. Rational thinking helps you to stop making decisions based on fear about the other person’s reactions.
• Ask the other person what they are thinking and feeling. Don’t mind-read or make assumptions.

Warnings

• Do not confront someone you fear may become violent. If you have any fears that a person may react violently and you cannot get away from them, seek outside help, such as through a refuge, the police, counselors, family or friends not associated with this person, etc.

Related wikiHows

• How to Stop Being Indispensable
• How to Get People to Help You

Sources and Citations

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