Liking yourself is one of the main keys to living a more fulfilling and happier life! It takes a bit practice and work to get there, but with some practical tips about cultivating self-acceptance and reframing how you think about yourself, you'll be well on your way to liking yourself.
Steps
Learning the Fundamentals of Liking Yourself
- Cultivate self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the biggest component of learning to like yourself. This basically means that you accept yourself on a neutral level, that you don't say things like 'I would like myself if...' or 'I will accept myself once I've...' Self acceptance means being okay with who you are right at that moment.[1]
- Don't keep score on your failures and successes. You can learn from both, but you have to reframe your habit of assessing and reassessing your worth based on what you've managed to do and what you've failed to do.
- Reframing how you think is the hard part. When you're dealing with a situation where you've failed in something, for example, instead of beating yourself up over your failure, look at it from a neutral point of view. Say 'here's what happened,' 'here's what I learned from this situation' and 'here's how I am going to apply it to the future.' Don't start putting negative or positive markers on the situation.
- Build your confidence. Confidence is another key part in liking yourself, but it's an incredibly elusive trait. Part of being confident is not comparing yourself to other people, as someone is always going to be better at you in certain areas, in looks, in accomplishments. Confidence comes from within, not from how you measure up to other people.
- Don't judge others. When you're walking down the street pay attention to your thought patterns. Are you judging everyone you pass based on how they look, or how their manner is? If that is the case you're probably also harshly judging yourself. Turn those thought patterns around and, whenever you start with a negative thought, put a positive one in its place. For example, if you're down on someone about their appearance, notice their eyes or their fab sweater, instead.
- Don't compare yourself to others. Comparing yourself to other people is one of the most depressing and most futile activities and it is basically guaranteed to make your self esteem take a hit. So whenever you find yourself starting to do that, STOP! Replace that negative thought with a neutral one (instead of 'she's got better hair than I do,' change it to 'We both have really dark hair').
- Fake it until you make it. You can fake confidence in yourself and that can trick your brain into thinking you actually are confident. It basically changes your thought patterns (neuro pathways). Basically that means, act like you like yourself and you will trick your brain into believing it.
- Let go of perfectionism. Nobody in the world is perfect and if you are determined to make yourself perfect, and that you aren't good enough until you're perfect, you're never going to be able to like yourself. You aren't perfect, you are never going to be perfect, and that is okay.[2]
- There's nothing wrong with trying to better yourself. How else would you learn to play a musical instrument, or learn 4 languages? But you have to keep it in perspective. You can't rate your self-worth on bettering yourself.
- Make a list of what you're good at. This list can encompass anything you want it to from you being really good with animals, to being a 4 star chef. It's a reminder that you have accomplished things and that you do certain things well. When you're feeling down about yourself, pull out that list and remind yourself that you already are awesome, even if you aren't perfect.[3]
- Learn gratitude. People who cultivate gratitude are more likely to help out others, to be less envious of others (especially less envious of material possessions), and they tend to have lower levels of stress and depression. Practicing gratitude will help you to be grateful for who you are and what you have to offer.[4] [5]
- Keep a daily gratitude journal. Record a couple things that have happened during the day that you were grateful for. They can be as simple as 'I had food to eat today' or 'I have access to the internet.' When you're being negative towards yourself, open up your gratitude journal and remind yourself what you're grateful for.
- Have daily gratitude discussions. Talk with trusted people about what you're grateful for (you can even say you're grateful for them!). This will help reinforce what you're writing in your gratitude journal.
- Be healthy. Being healthy isn't just about looking good, it's about caring for your body. Making sure that you're doing right by your body means that your brain will be more able to deal with the stresses of life, which in turn make it easier to like yourself.
- Eat right. Try to avoid sweet things and lots of processed foods (if you can). Get plenty of fruits and vegetables and protein. Limit your carbohydrate intake (but don't get rid of it entirely!). Talk to your doctor about what foods are best for your body (as each person's needs are different).
- Get enough sleep. Sleep makes everything easier. It boosts your immune system, and helps alleviate depression and illness. Try for about 8 or 9 hours of sleep each night and if you can't get that, try to catch at least one nap during the day.
- Drink water. Your body needs a lot of water to function properly and dehydration can lead to headaches, fatigue, and limited mental faculties. Try to drink at least 3 liters of water each day.
- Get enough vitamin D. This little vitamin is found in capsules, as well as in the sun. And as anyone from a part of the world that doesn't get much sun can tell you, vitamin D can change your whole mental playing field. Get more of this to help deal with mental issues and to build your brain's ability to like yourself.
Liking Yourself Day to Day
- Laugh! Laughter has great long term and short term benefits that can help you in the process of learning to like yourself. In the short term it can do things like increase the endorphins in your brain, cool down your stress response and stimulate circulation to help reduce stress. In the long term, it can make it easier to cope with difficult situations, relate to others, and it can help improve your mood.[6]
- Get together with a long-friend and reminisce about hilarious events that you both experienced.
- You could put on a movie that you find funny, or read a funny book. Just find a few moments in your day to have a good laugh.
- Exercise. Exercising releases endorphins and serotonin in the brain, chemicals that boost your mood and make you feel good, which in turn helps you like yourself more. Likewise, exercise helps keep you healthy, which also helps make you like yourself more (since, how many people like themselves when they have a cold?)[7]
- There are loads of different ways to exercise and it doesn't have to be a pain to do it. You could take dance lessons, or practice yoga. You can go for runs, or take walks (which is a great way to get to know the place in which you live).
- Learn a new skill. Learning to do something new is a fantastic way to help you learn to like yourself. It puts you outside your comfort zone AND it shows you what you can accomplish, which can be a real self-esteem booster.
- Look around in your community for free workshops. You can usually find anything from cooking classes to glass blowing tutorials. Check the flyers at your local library, or peruse your community's events calendar.
- Getting outside your comfort zone is something that will happen to you a lot in your life. If you can control certain instances of it, for practice, you'll find that you're better able to feel confident in yourself and your own abilities when life throws you a curveball.
- Help others. A key quality that makes people likeable is how they treat others. This means big things like helping out at a local homeless shelter (or animal shelter) and it means little things like treating every person you talk to with respect.[8]
- One easy way to treat others well is by not gossiping about them. Spreading rumors, especially malicious ones will make you feel worse, because you will be worrying that people are doing the same to you, and they will make others really dislike you, which is a self-esteem blow in itself.
- Do courteous things for people like: opening doors for them (whatever their gender), giving your friends a hand when they need it (giving them a ride to the doctor, doing something small like bringing them food when they're sick).
- This is not to say that you have to help every single person, or that you become a doormat and only say yes to everything. Remember that you have to treat yourself as well as you treat other people, which means respecting your own boundaries.
- Learn to be comfortable alone. When you learn to be happy by yourself, you'll find that you end up feeling more at ease with yourself, and in uncomfortable situations, where you might otherwise have felt lonely, or embarrassed (for instance, when you don't know anyone at the party you're at).
- If you're by yourself don't instantly drag out your phone and start texting, or calling all your friends. Instead, pay attention to your surroundings. If you're at home, do a simple activity like drinking a cup of tea and feeling present.
- If you're out and about (at a coffee shop, or at a party), remind yourself that your worth is not based on who, or how many folks, interact with you.
- This is also true if you're single, instead of in a relationship. There's no shame in wanting to be in a relationship, but when you start defining your worth based on whether you're single or not, that's when it becomes a barrier to liking yourself.
- Pamper yourself. Especially if you're having a bad day, or a day where your self-doubt has hit a high, take yourself out for a nice treat. Do a little shopping, eat that amazing chocolate cake from your favorite coffee shop, or simply relax in a nice, hot bath.
- This will let you take a time-out from your worries and the stresses that are causing your doubt. Once you've recharged you can jump back into life feeling more relaxed.
- Pampering yourself is also important because it reminds you of the importance of your time and of your health. When you take a break, you are finally getting to put yourself first (rather than work, your significant other, your friends, family, school, etc.).
Tips
- Think of the good times you've had, to smile and laugh all over again. Flip through photo albums as well. Don't be sad because it's over, smile because it happened!
- To boost your mood, treat yourself to some sugar, wear bright colors and listen to some upbeat music.
Warnings
- You won't love yourself instantly, especially if you've spent a long time hating or being uncomfortable with yourself. So cut yourself a break if you're having difficulties.
Related wikiHows
Sources and Citations
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from How to of the Day http://ift.tt/IJJxsG
via Peter
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