As a parent, you surely love your children very much, but you can still become frustrated with your children at times: Sometimes they are precious with their abundance of "I love you mommies/daddies," and at other times, they are throwing themselves on the floor at the store because they want that Spider-Man toy that was denied, or destroying the house while you're on a business call. You may end up arguing with your kids and reprimanding them, yet the exact same scenario occurs a week later. How can you solve this problem?
Steps
- Understand why the child is engaging in the inappropriate behavior. It will all boil down to understanding the acronym A-B-C. This stands for antecedent, behavior, and consequence.
- This three-term pattern comes from the science of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA). The antecedent (A) refers to precisely what occurred immediately before the child started behaving badly, and the consequence (C) refers to what occurred immediately after the child's bad behavior (B). Understanding this concept is very important, because it will help you identify what triggered the child's bad behavior and also what is positively reinforcing the behavior— that is, what is increasing the likelihood that the behavior will occur again. Most of the time, behavior is maintained or amplified by the parents' reaction to a child's behavior.
- Track some of these events in order to analyze the pattern of the behavior. This will help you understand what you will have to do in order to change the behavior. For instance, your child might engage in property destruction (taking all toys out of the toy box and throwing them down the stairs) every time you are on the phone. This makes you always feel the need to tell him/her "Stop that!"
- This provides you with key information. It's telling you that every time you are the phone, your child is getting your attention by throwing toys down the stairs, and that, as a consequence, the child receives your attention.
- The fact that this continues to occur every week, says that your verbal reprimand is serving as a form of positive reinforcement which, in this scenario, is you saying, "Stop that!".
- By understanding and viewing the world in A-B-C's, you will be more likely to change your behavior in order to effect a change in your child's behavior.
- Visualize some proactive strategies and make them your first line of defense. If you can prevent the behavior from occurring at all, you are golden! Proactive strategies work by preventing the behavior from occurring in the first place.
- In the scenario with the child throwing toys down the stairs when you are on the phone, it might be worthwhile to have activities that will maintain the child's attention during the phone call. You may want to give him or her access to a preferred TV show or movie (a movie that has engaged the child for a long period of time in the past).
- Give your little one a snack to go along with this activity. Most importantly, brief your child on the contingencies well ahead of time, by saying something Iike, "Mommy will be on the phone for 10 minutes. I have put in your Ice Age DVD and have some yummy apples and juice for you. When I am done talking on the phone, I will come cuddle with you and finish watching the rest of the movie with you."
- Arrange yourself in the physical environment so as to decrease the likelihood of problem behavior. For example, if you are planning to conduct a business call, don't do it near the room where the child is watching his video. Move into another room at bit further away where the child can't see or hear you. If possible, think about setting up that call on a day when someone else is there to entertain the child.
- Don't give empty promises. It is of extreme importance to follow through with what you have promised. If you say you will sit with your child afterwards, make certain to do so. If everything goes as planned, be sure to provide copious praise and engaged attention as well as conferring access to their preferred items.
- Teach the appropriate behavior that obtains the same result as the problem behavior. In the case of the child throwing toys when you are on a business call, the equivalent replacement skill would be the child appropriately asking for attention.
- The child might learn to say, "Mommy come with me, please." and learn to wait (patiently) when mommy says "OK, five more minutes" and sets a timer. Timers work very well as a concrete signal that access is open to you or, for that matter, anything else. The concept of time is totally abstract for young children and using time creates doubt and uncertainty while activating mental turmoil: The child continually wonders when the channel to you might actually be opened super-charges the child mind, but a timer cleans this up wonderfully. (Have several available.)
Tips
- If you deny access to your attention (or access to a treasured item or activity) because your child engages in inappropriate behavior, you can expect a torrent of unwanted behavior.
- This is explained by realizing that this is an extinction scenario. While trying to extinguish a behavior pattern (make it extinct), you often see what is known as an extinction burst. In simple terms, an extinction burst is an instance of much more intense unwanted behavior, especially prevalent when control is first applied.
- Even when the burst is over, you may see the phenomenon of spontaneous recovery. In spontaneous recovery, the behavior comes back (like a shadow of the former burst) at a reduced or much reduced intensity. Be prepared to recognize the spontaneous reversion to a mild form of the unwanted behavior and quick to address it.
- If you do decide to try to make unwanted behavior extinct by applying negative reinforcement, it is important that you carry through 100% of the time. Giving in to an extinction burst will surely reinforce the intense behavior and you will then have to deal with a more intense behavior than when you started. Failing to catch and address any spontaneous recovery may allow the behavior to return in a more entrenched form.
Warnings
- Do not attempt to implement any of the above recommendations if the behavior is an behavior that is of a dangerous nature to the child or another person. Please contact a board certified behavior analyst for assistance in matters such as self-injury or high intensity aggression toward others.
Sources and Citations
- Cooper, J.O., Heron, T.E., Heward, W.L.(2007) Applied Behavior Analysis.Pearson Education, Inc: Upper Saddle River, New Jersey
- Latham, G.I. (1994) The Power of Positive Parenting. P & T ink:North Logan, UT
from How to of the Day http://ift.tt/WWIHCV
via Peter
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