Watching a friend or family member's life be destroyed by alcoholism is deeply distressing and frustrating. Usually, someone needs to enter a rehabilitation program to get help with an alcohol addiction. If you want to help, you first need to determine if the person is actually an alcoholic. Then, help your friend get the right treatment.
EditSteps
EditAsking the Person to Stop Drinking
- Look for signs of alcoholism. Someone who has an "alcohol problem" may not have crossed the threshold into full alcoholism. An alcohol problem can be addressed and overcome by someone on his own, but alcoholism is a disease that cannot be cured. This requires outside intervention to control.[1] Alcoholics usually show these signs:[2]
- Problems at work and school, such as showing up late or not showing up at all due to hangovers.
- Frequent blackouts after heavy drinking.
- Legal problems due to drinking, such as arrests for being drunk in public or drunk driving.
- Inability to leave a glass of alcohol half full or to be around alcohol without drinking it.
- Planning schedules around drinking and hangovers that follow.
- Relationships that have been harmed due to the person's alcohol use.
- Craving alcohol first thing in the morning and experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not drinking.
- Practice what you'll say. Once you've decided to talk to the person about his drinking habits, practice exactly what you'll say. Keep it brief, non-judgemental, and detailed. This will keep the other person from zoning off if you talk too long and keep him from feeling as though you're emotionally ganging up on him.
- Try to remember a few key sentences that are important to you. For example, you could say, "I love you and I'm worried that you're hurting your health by binging on the weekends. I'll support you in getting the help you need."[3]
- Talk to the person. If you've noticed some signs of alcoholism, have a talk with the person and tell him that you're worried.[4] Explain that his behavior is affecting other people and that it's time to stop drinking for his own good and the good of the family. Tell him about the problems that his drinking is causing.[5]
- Pick a time to talk when the person hasn't been drinking. Speaking in the morning is usually best. It's alright to talk if the person is feeling hungover. Bring up the fact that the person is harming his body by making it sick day in and day out.
- Don't argue or judge. When you're talking to the person about his drinking habits, don't start by accusing or judging the person. Avoid constantly nagging about the drinking problem, since this could just make it worse. Arguing will make it harder for the person to open up to you about the reasons for drinking.[6]
- Be willing to accept criticism. You may not like what you hear from the other person, especially if he mentions you as being a cause for his drinking. Listen honestly and be reasonable.[7]
- Try to understand the person. When you're talking about his drinking, be sure to ask if there are problems or things that stress him, leading him to drink. You should also find out if the person has a good support system. If not, you may want to suggest getting group help.[8]
- The person may not want to discuss the issue that leads to the drinking or might deny there's even a problem.[9]
- Don't force the person to stop drinking. Alcoholism is a complex disease, so forcing or shaming the person to stop drinking is unlikely to work.[10] In fact, it may actually lead the person to drink more.
- You need to understand that you cannot stop the person from drinking. But you can suggest and assist the person in finding help.[11]
EditBeing Supportive
- Don't drink around the person. This will make it much harder for the person to cut back on drinking.[12] It may also lead to unhealthy drinking habits within your own life. You can help the other person by meeting and spending time in places that don't serve alcohol. This will make it easier for the person to stop drinking.
- Talk to others. Ask people closest to the person if they've noticed any concerning behaviors or if they think the person has a problem. Avoid telling them the person is an alcoholic and be careful not to tell anyone who doesn't need to know. Don't risk destroying the person's privacy.
- If you think the person is an alcoholic, the time has come to get others involved. The problem is too big for you to tackle by yourself, and you must get outside help for the alcoholic as soon as possible.[13]
- Talk to the person. Remind him that you're worried, that you care about him, and want him to get help. Share your thoughts on what you've noticed and ask what you can do to help. Be prepared if the person doesn't want your help or avoids you for a while.
- If the person is open to getting help, offer to put him in touch with a professional. Have a list of resources ready to hand to the alcoholic. It should include contact information for local Alcoholics Anonymous groups,[14] the names of therapists and psychologists who specialize in helping alcoholics, and a list of rehabilitation centers.[15]
- Try to involve a professional. If the alcoholic refuses to go into treatment or even consider it, try to involve a therapist.[16] A therapist will have experience dealing with different types of alcoholics, and will work with you to create a plan for the alcoholic.
- A professional therapist will know how to handle defensiveness and other behaviors that may upset or confuse close family members.
- Be encouraging throughout the treatment period. If the alcoholic does agree to go to treatment and take steps toward sobriety, make it clear that you're supportive and that this is the best thing the person could be doing. Curb the person's feelings of guilt or embarrassment by showing that you're proud of him for getting help.
- Be prepared to support a relapse.[17] If the person attended a rehab center and has completed a course of treatment, he may be vulnerable when he leaves. For most people, treatment is never over and alcoholism is something the person must constantly deal with. The alcoholic's family and friends should continue to support the person, even if he relapses. Relapse happens with almost every alcoholic.
- Come up with soothing, non-alcoholic activities to do together. Make things. Ride bikes. Play cards. Pretend it's raining and hole up together. Bake cookies. Get out and experience the richness of life together. Go to museums. Go to the park and have a picnic.
- Encourage the person to attend AA meetings frequently and to get counseling when needed. Let him know that you're there to talk if he needs you.
- Take care of yourself.[18] Being a close friend or family member of an alcoholic is exhausting and can lead to feelings of helplessness and despair. Alcoholism is often called a "family disease," since its effects go so far beyond the life of the person with the alcohol problem. Take time to do activities that make you feel good and bolster your confidence and self esteem during this time.
- Consider getting therapy. It might be helpful to have someone to talk to about your feelings during this emotionally difficult time.
- Spend time with other friends and family members. You need to take breaks from dealing with the person's drinking problems. While you're focused on the well-being of your alcoholic family member, spending time with other people in your life can help take your mind off of things and restore your energy.
- Make sure you're dealing with your own personal issues during this time. Avoid focusing so much on the person with the drinking problem, that you hurt other relationships in your life or develop dependency issues of your own.[19]
EditTips
- If your friend is unwilling to admit to his problem, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Don't take it personally or feel responsible for his drinking.
- If this person is in any way part of your life, it's inevitable you've been affected by his drinking. Try going to an Al-Anon meeting or at least look up some Al-Anon literature. They have plenty of coping tips.
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EditSources and Citations
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