How to Mingle With People

Mingling with people you don't know very well isn't easy to do, especially if you're not into small talk - and really, who is? But if you want to get to know other people, you've got to start somewhere, and mingling in a social setting can often lead to deeper relationships.The guy you mingle with at a party could become your best friend, or the woman you introduce yourself to at a business function could help you get your next job - you'll never know if you hide out in the corner! If you want to learn how to mingle and actually enjoy it, see Step 1 and beyond.

Steps

Finding People to Talk To

1. Scan the room for someone you know. It's a little easier to mingle when you already have an "in," like a friend, coworker or acquaintance who can introduce you to a few other people. If you don't know anyone else at the party or event, that's totally okay - you can definitely still mingle. However, there's nothing wrong with leveraging your existing relationships to help you ease into a slightly awkward social setting.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • Don't make it too obvious that you're looking for people you know. You don't want to come off as closed off to making new friends. Do a quick scan around the room to see if you already know people.
   
   
   • If you see someone you know, but they're talking to someone else, wait for a bit of a lull before catching their eye and walking over.
   
   
   • When you get the chance to talk to the person you know, resist the temptation to talk to that same person the whole time. You'll miss out on getting to know other people, and you may even seem unfriendly to the rest of the crowd. Ask the person you know to introduce you to others, and don't be shy about putting yourself out there.
   
   
   
   


2. Look for smaller groups. When you're in a room full of people you don't know very well, it can often be easier to walk up to a smaller group of people than a big one. Look for groups that seem to be having friendly, casual conversations. Check out people's body language: if they're standing practically shoulder to shoulder in a huddle, they may not be open to meeting new people. If their body language is friendly and they seem more accessible, go ahead and walk up to them and introduce yourself.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • It might feel awkward, but everyone does this at parties and social gatherings. The vast majority of people will be really friendly and welcoming to you.
   
   
   • If people ignore you or somehow seem unwelcoming, you can politely excuse yourself and find another group to join.
   
   
   • Steer clear of people who seem to be having an intense one-on-one conversation. That'll increase the chances that your presence could bring about an awkward silence.
   
   
   
   


3. Make yourself seem available. The alternative to walking up to other people is making yourself seem like you're open to meeting new people. Stand near the middle of the room, rather than hanging out near the edges. Have a pleasant look on your face that tells people you're approachable. Chances are someone will walk up and say hello so you don't have to.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • When someone does approach you, be courteous and friendly.
   
   
   • It might help to stand near a point of interest in the room - the food table, the bar, the giant ice sculpture in the middle of the room. That way, you can talk about it as a way to start a conversation.^[1]
   
   
   
   


4. Help other people mingle, too. There are bound to be a few people at the party who don't know anyone else and feel awkward about mingling. Seek out these fellow travelers and introduce yourself to them. They'll be grateful for your kindness, and who knows - you might end up with a new friend with whom you have a lot in common.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • If you're in a conversation and someone else walks up, include them! Don't be standoffish.
   
   
   
   


5. Talk to a lot of different people. Don't be one of those people who gets comfortable talking to one person and never tries to get to know other people at the party. You'll give other people the impression that you're a bit aloof. If you want to be seen as a social person open to making lots of new acquaintances, speak to as many people as possible.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   


6. Know how to extract yourself. If you get trapped in a conversation with someone who decides that the business cocktail party you're at is a good place to have an intimate discussion about each other's marriages, you'll need to find a way to extract yourself. There are a lot of ways to do it - just be friendly and polite!
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • You can disengage by excusing yourself to use the restroom or get a drink.
   
   
   • You could also say something like "Oh, Jaime just walked in! Let me introduce the two of you" so you can involve someone else in the conversation.
   
   
   • You could say "I'd love to continue talking about this another time."
   
   
   
   

Knowing What to Say and Do

1. Smile, first of all. It's the easiest, most expressive way to show strangers that you're a nice person. If you don't make the effort to smile, the majority of people won't risk coming up to you to talk, because you're not making it seem easy. Smiling doesn't come naturally for everyone - for many, a more solemn look feels more comfortable. If you're one of those people, you'll need to get out of your comfort zone a bit and put on a smile so people will want to make friends.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • Make sure your smile looks genuine. Smile with your whole face, including your eyes - not just your mouth. Think Julia Roberts, not jack-o-lantern.
   
   
   • Practice smiling before you go to a party. Not only will it give you an impression of how your smile looks, so you can make adjustments, it will put you in a good mood, making you more likely to want to smile.
   
   
   
   


2. Introduce yourself. Start by saying "hi," then stay your name. It's as simple as that, and most people will respond in kind. Follow your introduction with a few follow-up questions to get the conversation going. Here are a few suggestions:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • "What brings you here tonight? I'm friends with Cheryl from college."
   
   
   • "This music is fantastic, isn't it? I love this band."
   
   
   • "Are you part of the wikiHow crowd? I've heard great things about your company."
   
   
   • "Have we met before?" (just kidding, don't use that old one-liner - unless you really think you've met!)
   
   
   
   


3. Make eye contact and shake hands. Your demeanor and body language are as important as what you say. Making eye contact is central to connecting with people for the first time. Meet the other person's eyes with confidence as you extend your hand, and give a firm (but not too tight) handshake. This will get your conversation off to a great start.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • Try not to look down too much, and don't slouch. Having an air of confidence will make you seem interesting and hold the other person's attention.
   
   
   • If you're mingling with people you already know, use the appropriate gesture to acknowledge whatever level of intimacy you have with them. You might give someone a hug, kiss on the cheek, pat on the shoulder, and so on.
   
   
   
   


4. Assume rapport. This means that even if you just met someone for the first time, you should treat them like you're already great friends. It puts the other person immediately at ease, and often helps get the conversation past awkward silent moments and speeds up the warming up process. Be very friendly, kind and respectful, and the other person will want to keep talking to you.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • Try skipping over typical "getting to know you" topics and launching into something more interesting. For example, instead of asking "what do you do?" You could ask the person's opinion on an important current event.
   
   
   
   


5. Show interest in the topic at hand. When you're entering a group discussion or making friends with someone new, it's important to express interest in what they're talking about. Even if you now absolutely nothing about it, you can ask questions and be interested in learning more.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • Don't pretend you know something about a topic when you don't. People are happy to answer questions, and they won't judge you for not knowing as much as they do. It would be worse to get caught in a lie.
   
   
   • Try to steer the conversation toward something you have in common, so you can both contribute equally.^[2]
   
   
   
   


6. Talk about yourself a little. Sharing a bit about yourself can help warm up a conversation. If you're too reticent to express yourself, how will people ever get to know you? Talk about your work, your hobbies, your interests and your opinions. Share as much as other people share. Remember to stay upbeat, positive and pleasant.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • That said, you don't want to go overboard and monopolize the conversation with details about yourself. It should be a give and take, with both people contributing and listening in equal parts.
   
   
   • Avoid complaining or being negative (especially about the party, the host, or the food), even if you aren't in a great mood.
   
   
   • Definitely avoid making off-color jokes or talking about highly sensitive subjects, like illness and death. You could end up offending people.^[3]
   
   
   
   


7. Don't worry too much about being funny and smart. If you're genuine and charming, there's no need to be the life of the party and wow people with your intelligence. You can crack a few jokes, sure, but don't make it your goal to be an attention-grabber. Giving people individual attention, assuming rapport, and sharing yourself with others will end up getting you much farther.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • Don't judge others on how funny and smart they are, either! Treat others at the party as you'd like to be treated - with respect and kindness.
   
   
   
   

Getting the Most Out of It

1. Don't just see people as a sea of faces. When you walk into a room full of strangers, it can be hard to figure out how to break in. Watching people you don't know talk and laugh with each other may seem intimidating. But each person there is an individual, just like you, and they're all just trying to get to know people and have a good time.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   


2. Be genuinely interested. A lot of people dread having to make small talk with strangers, but there's another way to look at mingling. If you can come to the situation with a real desire to get to know people, meeting and chatting with them will suddenly seem a lot more interesting and enjoyable.Think of each party or gathering as an opportunity to meet people with all sorts of intriguing histories, interests and passions. Engaging with and connecting to other people is fun - that's why people have parties in the first place!
   
   
   
   
   
   
   


3. Don't be self conscious. When you enter a room full of people, try hard to get out of your own head and stop worrying so much about how you come off to others. If you're busy obsessing over your appearance or what to say, you'll miss out on the chance to really connect with people. Everyone else is in the exact same position as you!
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   • It can help to make sure you're dressed appropriately for the occasion - that way you won't be worried about how you look the whole time.
   
   
   • Make sure you're running on plenty of sleep - it's a lot harder to mingle when you're exhausted.
   
   
   • Eat a meal before you go. You'll feel more energized, and you'll be less likely to eat or drink too much at the party.
   
   
   
   


4. Exchange contact information with people you connect with. If you're lucky, there will be a few people at the social gathering you'd like to get to know better. Don't be afraid to exchange numbers so you can hang out at a later time! And next time you both find yourself at the same party, you'll have someone to talk to.

Tips

• Don't be a social climber. Treat everyone there as someone worth getting to know.


• Don't boast at all. Some hate people who boast and you may be kicked out of the group.

Sources and Citations

Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found

from How to of the Day http://ift.tt/YBK22U

via Peter