How to Know if a Hug Is Romantic

Decode the real meaning behind that hug from your crush

Hugs can be so ambiguous! If you received a hug from someone and you're wondering what it meant, we're here to help. We talked to romance and relationship experts to get the scoop on figuring out if a hug is romantic or platonic (some of the signs they shared are actually pretty surprising!). Keep reading to figure out what that hug really meant so you know how to move forward.

[Edit]How to Tell if a Hug is Romantic

If the hug is only a short, light squeeze, it's probably just a friendly gesture. But if the person hugs you tightly, puts their arms around your waist, presses your lower bodies together, or holds on for a long time, there's a good chance the hug is romantic.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Physical closeness

1. The tighter the squeeze, the more affection the person has for you. The affection of a tight hug can be friendly or romantic, though, so it’s probably best not to judge based on pressure alone. The exception is if they gave you a super limp or loose hug since that usually implies neutral feelings rather than romantic ones.^[1]
   
   • Consider how much space was between your bodies. Did they press their body against yours? If so, they might have romantic feelings for you. If they pressed their hips or pelvis against yours, they’re almost certainly into you.
   • A loose or rigid hug is a little different than a gentle hug. A warm, gentle hug could be a sign of tenderness or friendship.^[2]

[Edit]Arm placement

1. Did they use one or both arms to hug you? One arm around the neck or shoulder is usually a buddy hug. If they hug with both arms around your neck, consider other things like how tightly they squeezed you and what other body parts were touching during the hug. If they came in under your armpits and put both arms around your upper body, that’s pretty friendly.^[3]
   
   • On the other hand, putting both arms around your waist and pulling you closer can definitely indicate romantic feelings.

[Edit]Hand position

1. Generally, the lower the hands, the higher the physical attraction. If their arms encircle your waist and they press their hands against your lower back, that might be a romantic hug—especially if they draw your lower body closer to theirs. It’s harder to tell if they press their hands against your upper back, though, since friends often do that.^[4]
   
   • If they touch your butt or stroke your hair, they’re probably into you! Dating Coach Cher Gopman affirms that “a little bit of hair touching…is a sign of flirting.”^[5]
   • Gentle touches on the “hands, back, or any part of your body are also a good indication” that your hugger may want something more, adds dating coach and matchmaker Laura Bilotta.^[6]

[Edit]Body positioning

1. Is this a face-to-face, around-the-shoulders, or from-behind hug? Hugs from behind are usually romantic. A hug from behind is a really familiar gesture between two people who trust each other a lot. If you received this kind of hug from someone, you're probably already pretty close to them and reasonably sure that there are romantic feelings there.^[7]
   
   • If they approached you from the side and put one arm around your waist, this is definitely a "buddy hug." This kind of hug can be really sweet, but it doesn't necessarily indicate romantic feelings—although that doesn’t mean those feelings aren’t there!
   • A face-to-face hug with torsos touching can be more ambiguous. This stance is the standard hug position, so it may just be a polite, friendly, obligatory hug. However, physical closeness while standing face-to-face may also be romantic, so take into account the other factors below to suss out this hug’s meaning.

[Edit]Body language

1. Was their body rigid or did it melt into yours? A stiff or rigid hug indicated neutral feelings. If the hugger felt stiff or there was an all-around awkward vibe during the embrace, they may be uncomfortable with hugging or they may have felt obligated to hug you because everyone else was hugging.^[8]
   
   • However, if the other person felt loose, relaxed, and held you tight throughout the hug, it’s more likely that they have romantic feelings for you. They also may have been leaning closer to you in the moment before and after the hug.

[Edit]Contact between body parts

1. If only your upper body parts touch, the hug is probably neutral. If your upper bodies and chests touch, that's usually a friendly hug. If your chests and pelvises touch during the hug, though, there's probably some sexual attraction there!^[9]
   
   • It’s a little harder to tell if they give you a full-frontal hug and press their cheek to yours. The cheek press implies that you’re close to each other, but it can be a friendly gesture if you haven’t seen your friend in a long time

[Edit]Hand movements

1. Circular back rubs are more affectionate while patting is pretty neutral. It’s hard to judge on hand movements alone, but the back pat is usually reserved for friends, especially if they pat your back quickly once or twice. Slow circles or gentle caresses on your upper or lower back usually indicate there’s some romantic or sexual interest there.^[10]
   
   • A lot of back-patting usually means they’re consoling you or feel sad for you for some reason. It generally doesn’t indicate romantic feelings.

[Edit]Eye contact and smile

1. Prolonged eye contact and a wide smile often indicates interest. If your hugging partner holds your gaze for a prolonged period of time before or after a hug, they may be sending a signal that they’re interested in being more than friends. According to Gopman, “giving strong eye contact and showing that you're really present in the moment is a major signal for flirting.”^[11]
   
   • Romantic interest can also be expressed through “flirty eyes” that are “open a little wider than normal, almost giving an enthusiastic expression,” adds Bilotta.^[12]
   • Similarly, a wide smile before or after the hug can indicate how much they care about you. While you can’t judge romantic affection based on smiling alone, the bigger the smile, the happier the other person is to see you.
   • If the smiling continues well after the hug, they definitely feel affection for you, but it could be interpreted as friendly or romantic.
   • Little or no eye contact usually means that there aren’t romantic feelings. However, the other person could just have a big crush on you and be feeling nervous!

[Edit]Length and timing

1. The longer the hug lasts, the more likely it is that there are romantic feelings. Take timing into account, too. A quick squeeze is usually platonic. Friends often give each other hugs as greetings or when they part. If you’re in the middle of hanging out and the person reaches out to hug you, even just as a quick gesture, that’s usually more significant and could mean they're into you.^[13]
   
   • Friends usually hug to greet each other and to say goodbye, so you can’t really consider one of these hugs to be romantic.
   • However, if the hug lasts for more than a few seconds without the other person loosening their grip, that’s a stronger sign of potential romantic feelings.^[14]

[Edit]Reason for the hug

1. Hugging at special events is typical for platonic relationships. Special events can be happy (like a graduation) or sad (like a funeral), but either way, friends usually hug each other at these times. You can also tell by looking to see what everyone else is doing—if everyone is hugging at the event, don't assume the person has romantic feelings for you.^[15]
   

[Edit]Frequency

1. Have you hugged this person recently? If you just saw them yesterday and they hugged you, then, too, it's more likely that they have feelings for you. It's harder to tell if it’s been a while since you've seen them, though. A friend might give you a big, platonic bear hug if they haven't seen you in a while.^[16]
   

[Edit]Words

1. Outside of the hug itself, the person’s choice of words may reveal their intent. If your hugger lets out some words of affection before, during, or after your hug, those words may deepen the intention of the embrace and reveal whether or not it’s romantic or friendly. For instance, closing out a hug with “Nice seeing you” feels much more friendly and platonic than “Hey, that hug felt amazing,” a phrase that dating coach John Keegan recommends as a way to express romantic attraction after an embrace.^[17]
   

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Tips

• Also, hugging your partner can be a nice form of non-sexual physical touch, so both of you know that you value each other and each other’s bodies for more than just sex.
• Don’t assume a particular meaning behind a hug if you don’t know for sure. Body language isn’t an exact science! Everyone has different comfort levels with their bodies and physical touch, and different people give different types of hugs. If you’re not sure and really need to know? Just ask the person if they ever think about you romantically.
• There are some benefits of hugging someone romantically when you’re dating or in a relationship. Hugging in an intimate way can increase your bond, since being in prolonged proximity to each other can sync your breathing, heart rates, and nervous systems.^[18]

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
3. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
4. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
5. ↑ [v161196_b01].17 May 2019.
6. ↑ [v161292_b02]. 26 February 2020.
7. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/types-of-hugs/
8. ↑ https://time.com/5379586/people-hate-hugged-science/
9. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
10. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
11. ↑ [v161196_b01].17 May 2019.
12. ↑ [v161292_b02]. 26 February 2020.
13. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
14. ↑ https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/hugs.html
15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
16. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
17. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 18 November 2019.
18. ↑ https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/hugs.html

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