The early stages of a relationship are super exciting, but they can also be a little awkward. You're still getting to know the person, so that means unexpected surprises and some awkward firsts. These things don't have to be negative, though, and they can even be opportunities to get closer. Here are some tips for navigating this mildly uncomfortable but totally normal stage of building a relationship.
[Edit]Steps
[Edit]Be your authentic self.
- It can be tempting to pretend to be someone you're not in this stage. Though you of course want to make your new partner like you, the best way to do that is to ultimately be yourself.[1] Relax and be open about your passions, interests, and hobbies in life (even if you worry about what they'll think of them). Dating someone new involves discovering each other's unique quirks.[2]
- If you're comfortable being yourself, the person you're seeing will start to feel more comfortable as well.
- Make sure you don't hide parts of yourself out of insecurity or fear your partner won't like it.
[Edit]Get comfortable with physical touch.
- Things like cuddling and holding hands can bring you closer. A study conducted by Oxford University's Department of Experimental Psychology found that physical touch is a huge component to building trust and connection in a relationship.[3] Hug your partner when you greet them on a date, give them a kiss on the cheek, and even just give them an affectionate touch on the shoulder. It'll help you get past the awkwardness in no time.
- If PDA isn't your thing or you need some time before you feel like being physically affectionate, that's totally alright. There are so many ways to get closer to a new partner. Only do what makes you feel comfortable.
[Edit]Make time for intimacy.
- Even if you have great chemistry, sex can be a little awkward in this stage. Talk to your partner about what you like, and ask them about their desires, too. Bring up things like contraception and STI testing to make sure that you're practicing safe sex. Try new things as you get to know each other, and take things at a pace that makes you both comfortable.[4]
- If you're worried about being vulnerable, bring up the subject when you're not currently getting intimate. This can help take the pressure off and make you feel a little more comfortable.
[Edit]Stay focused on your interests outside of the relationship.
- This helps you avoid putting too much pressure on the relationship. Keep up with your hobbies and remain invested in your passions, like your work or the classes you love. Don't change your interests to accommodate your partner or cancel plans to spend all your time with them.[5]
- Only focusing on the relationship early on can make it fizzle out fast. If you want your relationship to make it past the awkward stage, make sure you've got a life outside of it.[6]
- Keep making plans with your friends and family, too.
[Edit]Define the relationship when you're ready.
- The amount of time before this discussion varies among couples. Wait at least a few weeks to figure out what you want. If after some time you realize you want a serious relationship, share that with your partner and ask what they want, too. Before committing to a serious relationship, talk about your values, life goals, and definitions of monogamy (or non-monogamy) so that you both understand where the other is coming from. [7]
- Be direct and say something like, "I've really enjoyed getting to spend time with you the past few months. I'd love to see where this goes on a more serious level."
- You could also ask what they want. Try something like, "I like you and could see this really going somewhere. What are you looking for in a relationship?
[Edit]Address conflict directly.
- Don't hide your feelings or expect them to read your mind. If your partner does something that upsets you or hurts your feelings, tell them how you feel. Give your partner a chance to share their perspective, and try to come up with a mutual solution together. Addressing the first conflict can be uncomfortable, but staying calm and respectful can help you get through it even stronger than before.[8]
- Let's say your partner teased you about something that's important to you. Even if it was a joke, if it offended you, say something. Try, "I know you didn't mean anything by it, but that comment kind of hurt my feelings."
- Your partner may be really sorry and will now know not to tease you. If they don't respond well or continue to do it, think about if you two are a good match.
[Edit]Meet each other's friends and family.
- Relax and don't rush this part of the awkward stage. Once you're meeting the parents for the first time, ask your partner some background information, like if they're close with their family or if their parents are divorced, so you feel more prepared.[9] Talk to your partner about your relationship with your family before introducing them. When you hang out with your your partner's friends, try your best to be friendly and relaxed.
- When you meet your partner's parents, dress nice and consider bringing a gift to make a good first impression.
- Ask your partner if they have any fun facts about their family. These can be good conversation starters if you want to get to know their parents better.
- Give your partner's friends and family your full attention. Avoid being on your phone and focusing too much on just your partner when you meet. Ask questions, participate in the conversation, and try to have fun.
[Edit]Ask questions to get to know them better.
- Be curious about your new partner's life. Part of the awkwardness is that you are still pretty new to each other. Ask your partner about their life experiences, their interests, and their hopes and dreams.[10] As you start to get to know each other, your questions can get a little deeper. Ask them about their childhood and even their past relationships. Your interest will hopefully be a two-way street, and you'll both get more comfortable in no time.[11]
- If your partner mentions they played soccer growing up, ask them about it. Say something like, "You played soccer through college, right? What did you like about it?"
- You can even have fun with it by asking them questions about philosophy or funny scenarios, like what celebrity they would most like to have dinner with, living or dead.[12]
[Edit]Listen to your partner.
- Pay attention when your partner shares new things with you. Moving past the awkward stage involves really getting to know your partner. When they talk to you about their day or open up to you about what's causing them stress, make eye contact, listen to what they have to say, and put your phone down.[13]
- Make sure to listen to what they have to say instead of thinking of what you'll say in response.[14]
[Edit]Make plans regularly.
- Quality time is a huge part of getting comfortable with someone. Schedule fun dinner dates. Go see a movie and talk about it over coffee after. Take a long walk through a park. Do fun things together to bring you closer. As this new person starts to feel more familiar, you will relax and feel way less awkward around them.[15]
- Think of things you've both never done. Trying out new things together can bring you closer and give you fun shared experiences.[16] Take a cooking class together or even just pick a new place to grab lunch.
[Edit]Let your guard down.
- Getting over the awkward stage requires being vulnerable. Open up to your partner about a bad day and tell them about your experiences in life. As you continue to date and get comfortable, share more intimate details with them. Talk about past relationships, your childhood, and difficult times you've had in the past.[17] Taking this risk feels like a big leap of faith, but being open and honest with your partner is a huge part of getting closer to them.[18]
- It can hurt when you're vulnerable and don't get an affectionate response in return. Try not to let it get you down. Either they aren't ready to bring the relationship to that stage, or the two of you are looking for different things.[19]
- Remember that sharing yourself and being vulnerable is a brave thing to do, and it shows your capacity for love and connection. That's a positive reflection of you no matter how they respond!
[Edit]References
- ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/constructive-wallowing/202011/how-be-yourself-in-relationship
- ↑ https://youtu.be/X6Hk7hIAStw?t=114
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/20/start-low-and-go-slow-how-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-sex
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
- ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.rewire.org/define-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/constructive-wallowing/202011/how-be-yourself-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/meet-the-family-tips-for-leaving-a-good-impression/
- ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/questions-for-couples.html
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/questions-to-ask-boyfriend.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-you-and-me/201706/why-and-how-be-better-listener-in-your-relationship
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening#The-Art-of-Questioning
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
- ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/constructive-wallowing/202011/how-be-yourself-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/constructive-wallowing/202011/how-be-yourself-in-relationship
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