It can be really tough if you've got a crush on a friend. Sometimes things get awkward and you might feel like your friendship has gotten off track. But if you really value this relationship, it's worth putting in some work to repair it. The main thing is to be willing to stay open to letting your friendship develop. Keep reading for lots of ways you can start enjoying your friendship again!
[Edit]Steps
[Edit]Reach out in a meaningful way.
- Don’t just send a text that says “hi.” If you really want to fix your friendship, make sure to indicate that to your friend. Give them a call to let them know that you’ve been thinking about them and ask how they are doing. Or you can send a text if that feels right. Just make sure you let them know why you’re reaching out.[1]
- You could say, “Hi, how are you? I wondered if you wanted to hang out and talk soon. Is that cool with you?”
- If they aren’t ready to work on the friendship yet, give them space. You can reach out again later.
[Edit]Make sure you want to be friends with them.
- You need to be willing to accept being just friends in order for it to work. Ask yourself if you are emotionally ready to be friends with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. Will you be upset if they mention someone new? Will you be tempted to try to flirt with your crush? If so, you might not be ready to jump back into the friendship yet. That's okay! Take time to process your feelings and make sure you're ready.[2]
- Let your friend know that you get where they are coming from. This will let them know that you really do want to repair the friendship.
- You might tell them that you are taking time to process your feelings and figuring out the best way for you to handle your emotions. You can add that you're also trying to better understand their perspective.
[Edit]Discuss what went wrong.
- Acknowledging the problem is the best way to start solving it. To truly mend your relationship, be honest about what needs to change. It’s best if you can meet face to face for this conversation, so pick a time and a place where you both feel comfortable. Break the ice by telling them that you want to have an open conversation.[3]
- Maybe the friendship went awry because your crush started to spend time with someone they’re dating. You could try saying something like, “I feel like we’ve drifted apart since Sam came into your life. I get that, but I want you to know that I’d really like us to get back to the way we were.”
- Or, for example, maybe your friend just stopped hanging out with you and you're not sure why. That can feel hurtful, but maybe they are dealing with something that you don't know about. Try saying, "Hey, you haven't been responding to my texts lately. Is everything okay? Let me know how you're doing."
- Your friend might have a different perspective on the issue, so make sure you’re willing to listen to their side, too.
[Edit]Offer a genuine apology.
- If you messed up, be the first to say sorry. It can be hard to apologize, especially when there are deep feelings involved. But if you were in the wrong, own it. This will let your friend know that you’re really committed to working on your relationship.[4]
- For example, maybe you got upset when your friend started dating someone new. Say something like, “I’m really sorry that I wasn’t more supportive of you. I pulled away because I felt awkward. I know that probably hurt, and I’d really like us to work on rebuilding our friendship.”
- Only say sorry if you mean it. Don’t apologize for something that you didn’t do.
[Edit]Be willing to forgive if you’re feeling hurt.
- Get ready to move on from the past in order to rebuild your relationship. Forgiveness is just as important as apologizing. It can be really tough to get over it if your crush accidentally crushed your feelings. But if this friendship is important to you, you need to be willing to move on. If they offer you an apology, receive it with an open mind.[5]
- This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to forgive right away. Just be open to the possibility of healing. Let your friend know that you’re still hurt, but you do want to mend the friendship.
- This doesn't mean that you have to forget what happened. You can be willing to forgive but see a need to set new boundaries going forward.
[Edit]Tell your crush how you feel about your relationship.
- Honesty shows that you’re serious about fixing the friendship. To move forward, you’ll need to communicate openly with your friend.[6] Ask if you can talk to them, and try to have an open, face-to-face conversation. This can be tough, especially if you’re still feeling raw. Be patient with yourself, but commit to being honest moving forward. Let your friend know how you feel and what you need from them.[7]
- It’s okay to let them know that you have a crush on them (if they didn’t already know). Just explain that you are comfortable being just friends.
- If you’re upset about something, share that with them. Honesty is an important part of a real friendship.
[Edit]Be willing to listen to their feelings.
- Being a good listener shows you’re committed to making this work. Friendship is a two-way street, so remember that it’s not all about you. Your crush might have some things they want to share with you, so listen to them with an open mind. Let them initiate conversations and take the lead sometimes.[8]
- Make eye contact when they talk and nod your head at times to show that you are really listening. Ask follow-up questions if you’re not sure what they mean or if you need them to elaborate.
- You can even say something like, “We haven't hung out much lately. Did I do something to bother you?”
[Edit]Keep your behavior friendly, not flirty.
- Treat them like you would treat any other friend. While it might be hard, resist the urge to flirt. That might mean no physical touch, like a hand on their leg or arm when they are talking. Try not to toss your hair, giggle, or go overboard with compliments. Those are traditional signs of flirting, so it's best to avoid them.[9]
- If they are flirting with you, nicely ask them to stop. Say, "If we really want to keep this friendship going, we've got to stop flirting. I hope you understand."
[Edit]Set appropriate boundaries.
- Limit the amount of time you spend together to create a little distance. If you are crushing on someone, your instinct might be to try to spend as much time around them as possible. But if you are trying to mend your relationship, it might be a good idea to take a step back. Cut back on the amount of time you used to spend with each other while your relationship heals.[10]
- This might sound hard, but try not to stress. You're not cutting them out of your life, you're just taking a breath.
- If you used to meet up once a week, try scaling back to once every other week.
- Maybe you used to text every single day. Try only hitting them up a couple times a week while you work things out.
[Edit]Try not to get jealous if they date someone else.
- Let your friend know that it’s okay if they start a new relationship. This might be the toughest part, but it’s super important. If you really want to be friends with this person, they need to be able to trust that you won’t ditch them if they start dating. You don’t have to listen to every detail of their crush, but you should be able to let them know that you’re cool with their choice to date.[11]
- You can tell them, “I get that you might start dating someone. I just want to let you know that’s not going to impact our friendship.”
- If you don't want to hear about their relationship, or you're not ready to be introduced to their new partner, it's totally okay to say that. Those are perfectly fine boundaries to set.
- If this feels too tough to you, you might not be ready to have a real friendship with this person. That is okay! Take some time to focus on yourself.
[Edit]Plan something fun to do together.
- Do an activity that you used to enjoy with each other to reconnect. After you’ve had the necessary tough talks, you deserve to have some fun! Ask your friend if they want to hang out and relax with you. Try doing something that you used to love doing together to remind yourselves how great your friendship really is.[12]
- Maybe you used to love going to movies together. Ask your friend if they’re up for a double-feature and offer to buy the popcorn.
- If music was something that you shared, ask them if they want to go check out a live show.
[Edit]Work on your friendship by putting in regular effort.
- Put effort into this relationship to help it grow. Friendships take work, just like any other relationship. It might take some time for you two to get back to a great place. That’s okay. Be patient and keep trying to connect with your friend.[13]
- Make it a point to check in with your friend and ask them how they are doing. You might want to do this once a week, or maybe even every couple of weeks. Do what feels right for you.
- Set aside time to spend with them on a regular basis. This is a personal decision, but make sure to not let several weeks or even months go by without hanging out. That could create distance, and that probably won't help fix the friendship.
[Edit]Tips
- It’s okay if this is an emotional journey for you. Lean on your other friends for support.
- Make sure this is a friendship that you truly want to commit to. If the person doesn't add anything positive to your life (like fun or support), it might be time to let the relationship fade.
[Edit]References
- ↑ https://www.symbis.com/blog/5-steps-for-mending-broken-friendships/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-can-relate/201202/saving-your-guy-gal-friendship
- ↑ https://www.symbis.com/blog/5-steps-for-mending-broken-friendships/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201409/the-9-rules-true-apologies
- ↑ https://www.symbis.com/blog/5-steps-for-mending-broken-friendships/
- ↑ [v161882_b01]. 11 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/8573/tell-someone-you-like-them/
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-makes-a-good-friend
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-liking-someone-you-cant-date/
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-liking-someone-you-cant-date/
- ↑ https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/news/a3761/being-friends-with-crush/
- ↑ https://healthscopemag.com/health-scope/reconnecting-with-friends/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-can-relate/201202/saving-your-guy-gal-friendship
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