How to Deal With Egomaniacs

Egomaniacs are the kind of people who always have to be right. They can't accept other people's opinions. All they do is talk about themselves. They are critical and quick to anger, and they tend to hog the spotlight. Egomaniacs can make you miserable, but with just a few psychological tricks, you will be better able to deal with the self-centered jerk at work, school, or even home.^[1]

Steps

Dealing with the Egoist At Work

1. Change your perspective. You do not need to constantly engage with this person. The situation can be tricky when the egomaniac is someone you work with, but by remaining calm and diplomatic, you can maintain your sanity and productivity.
   
   • When you feel an avalanche of self-praise coming on, subtly shut down the conversation by avoiding eye contact, withdrawing verbal affirmation, and acting disinterested or bored.^[2]
2. Maintain your sense of confidence. Remember, just because the egomaniac claims she can walk on water, that doesn’t mean it’s true. You will have an easier time dealing with her bragging if you remind yourself that you are capable and successful.
   
   • If your boss is the egotist, she will probably have a hard time giving you the support and encouragement you need, so look elsewhere for a mentor.^[3]
3. Avoid feeding her ego with compliments and validation. The egomaniac is actually very insecure and craves affirmation and attention. Don’t be the person she relies on for proof of her worth.
   
4. Check your own ego. When confronted with another person’s constant assertion of self-worth, your own insecurities or pride can get the best of you. Is this person really worth your time and energy?
   
   • Don’t let her bait you into an argument or long-winded conversation about her latest exploits.^[4]
5. Manage your employee’s need for control. If you are the boss, and one of your employees is the egomaniac, offering your subordinate options might mitigate her need to assert herself or challenge you. Focus on the positive, and keep her focused on solutions.
   
   • You might try killing her with kindness, so to speak. Strategic use of praise and compliments can be a great motivator for a narcissistic employee.^[5]

Dealing with the Egomaniac in Personal Relationships

1. Recognize toxic friendships. If you’ve been friends for a long time, it might be hard to see that the egomaniac isn’t really an exciting, larger than life personality. She is just obsessed with herself. Egomaniacs can often be the life of the party, so many people are, at least initially, drawn to them.
   
   • If your friend isn’t interested in you, or never gives you a chance to talk, it might be time for a change.
2. Talk to an egomaniac friend calmly about how you feel. Let her know that her behavior is hurting you and that you’d like to make some space in the relationship for your needs and feelings. You might say, “I care about you and our friendship, but I feel like we spend a lot of time talking about your feelings. I would like to share some of my experiences with you, but I’ll need you to listen.”^[6]
   
   • There is a range of egotistical personalities, some more fixable than others, so pointing out a friend’s bad behavior might fix the problem.
3. Cut ties with your self-centered friend if she dismisses your concerns or is a negative presence in your life. You are not required to maintain friendships that are detrimental to your happiness and well being. If the relationship seems truly toxic, cut ties and try not to feel guilty.
   
4. Flip the script and focus on yourself when you find yourself married to an egomaniac. Narcissism in intimate relationships can be especially difficult. Egomaniacs lack empathy, so a romantic partner can feel unloved and lonely.
   
   • Think about what needs you are fulfilling by partnering with an egoist. Often, it is a lack of self-worth or co-dependency.^[7]
   • Review your own childhood. A narcissistic parent might have trained you to deny your own needs in favor of someone else.
   • Take control of the situation by respecting yourself and working on your own sense of self-esteem.^[8]
   • Do some activities that you are interested in, whether it's reading, gardening, or watching your favorite movie. Remember that you matter, too.
   • When your partner begins another self-centered outburst, calmly say something like, "I understand that that you are really excited about your idea, but I've been listening to you talk for a while. I'd like you listen to some things that I have to share." Or, "It makes me feel like you don't care about me when you talk over me and ignore the things that I say. I need you to listen more."
   • Approach your partner as an equal, not a superior.^[9]
   • Couples counseling might be a good option.
5. Get help if you find yourself in a controlling, manipulative, or physically abusive relationship. Some egoism amounts to selfishness or arrogance, which is annoying and obnoxious. But a small number of people, usually men, are extreme in their narcissism and actually have a personality disorder (called narcissistic personality disorder, NPD).
   
   • True narcissism can be part of an overall abusive personality. It’s important to recognize this for what it is and get help.^[10]
6. Create a healthy sense of self within a narcissistic family. An egomaniac affects everyone around her, particularly within a household. Spouses suffer, and children grow up feeling inadequate, and often end up narcissistic themselves.
   
   • Counseling might be appropriate when an egotistical parent is wreaking havoc on the self-worth of the rest of the family. While it may be difficult to get the offender onto the therapist’s couch, other family members can get help.
   • Work to establish healthy boundaries for yourself and your children.
   • Don’t expect the egomaniac to change without professional help, so set realistic expectations.
   • Offer sincere positive recognition when appropriate. Focus on the characteristics that you truly admire.^[11]

Warnings

• In extreme cases, narcissism can be dangerous.
• Some signs might indicate a dangerous or abusive personality: an almost desperate need to protect or promote her ego; no regard for personal boundaries; lack of empathy; she justifies anything she does, no matter how hurtful.^[12]

Sources and Citations

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via Peter