How to Choose an Engagement Ring

Shopping for an engagement ring doesn't have to be a dreaded experience. With the right amount of knowledge about what to look for in a ring, coupled with your excitement about asking the girl of your dreams to marry you, this can be an enjoyable exercise matching your newly discovered ring expertise with the money you've got available to spend. In this article, you'll learn the most important things to consider when choosing an engagement ring for your beloved. See Step 1 to be on your way to choosing the perfect engagement ring for your bride to be.

Steps

1. Choose the right band. The band is the circular part of the ring that sits around the finger. It's usually made from gold, silver, or platinum, although it can be made from some other combination of metals. When you choose your engagement ring, it's important to have a sense of which band would be best for your lady. Plus, knowing your stuff can help keep you on your toes when you go out to buy a ring; you don't want to get taken advantage of because you don't know the difference between gold and white gold, for example. Here's what you should know about different types of bands:
   
   • Gold is yellow-orange in its natural state and is normally alloyed with another metal for durability. Some prefer the lighter yellow color of less-pure gold such as 14K or 10K.
   • White gold is gold alloyed with metals purposely to give the mixture an off-white color and must be plated with another metal--rhodium is common--for a bright silvery appearance. The plating wears off; some jewelers will replace their rings from time to time for free.
   • Platinum is hard, strong and naturally silvery but will dull slightly from a mirror finish over time with wear, which is not necessarily a problem. Since a gold setting will make a diamond look very slightly yellowish, it is a waste of money to buy a very high color grade diamond to put in it.
2. Choose the right setting and gemstone. The setting refers to the piece that holds the gemstone in place, which is attached to the band. The setting can be "pronged" or "invisible".^[1] Some rings combine a platinum setting with a gold band for the special background color of gold and the contrast, lack of diamond-tinting, and strength of platinum. A setting with a bezel, or at least six prongs for some redundancy, can be safer for a ring that is likely to be worn during significant activity. Here's what else when it comes to choosing the setting and gemstone that are perfect for your future wife:
   
   • Gemstone: The gemstone is the feature piece of the ring, usually a diamond. Occasionally, this is facetiously referred to as a "rock". The bigger the stone, the better according to many, although it's more important to go with your girlfriend's personality and preferences rather than assuming this. The gemstone doesn't have to be a diamond (see below) but reasons for deviating from this should be good ones!
   • The 4 C's: These are the carat, color, clarity and cut of the gemstone (usually a diamond).
   • The 5th C: Cubic Zirconia. A cubic zirconia can be beautiful and indistinguishable from a diamond except by a jeweler or other expert. It is softer than a real diamond so it may dull over the years. Lab Diamonds are another great alternative to traditional diamonds. Generally cost 5-10% of what a traditional diamond would, and looking just a beautiful, they definitely deserve some research. A rhodium-plated silver ring can be indistinguishable (except for the identifying mark an honest seller should put on the inside) from a rhodium-plated white-gold one. These can be a good option for a couple with little money up front. An alternative is a smallish real diamond (the price goes up very fast with size, so a very nice one of less than a half-carat, whose face area will be more than half of that of a one-carat diamond, will be a few hundred dollars) in a simple real gold ring.
3. Choose the right size. Choosing the ring size of the band is an important part of choosing the right engagement ring. One way you can figure out her ring size is by sneaking out one of the rings she wears a lot to have a jeweler figure out the size -- as long as she doesn't have time to miss it. You can take the less-reliable eyeball approach; an average ring size is about a 7, and you can try to get a sense of whether your girl's fingers are a bit bigger or smaller than average.
   
   • Of course, if you don't guess correctly, you can have it resized to make it larger or smaller. If you're unsure, going with a bigger size is the better option, because it's easier to size a ring down than it is to size it up; sizing a ring up can make the band look a bit too thin and can be more expensive. Also, if you propose with a ring that is too small, she won't be able to wear it at all until you have it sized, which can put a bit of a damper on the whole proposal thing.
4. Choose a good jeweler. The main thing to remember here is that expensive doesn't necessarily equate with being the ideal jeweler. Look for a store that makes you feel comfortable, where the staff are pleasant and helpful, and where the advice they provide gels with you. As well, be sure to look somewhere that fits within your budget range; this avoids the inevitable disappointment at finding something that would be "just perfect if it didn't cost so much". If you can, check that the jeweler is registered with a society, association, or organization that regulates, certifies, etc., jewelers, such as the National Association of Goldsmiths in the UK.^[2]. And it never hurts to go on Yelp or other review sites and to see what the clientele is saying. Here are some other things to think about as you choose a jeweler:
   
   • Ask around your married friends or your family for recommendations on a good, trusted jeweler. Obviously, this will mean they'll know what you're up to, although you can just say that you want to buy a nice piece of jewelry.
   • An online jeweler such as James Allen, Harry George or Blue Nile can be a good option if you're willing to accept a little less "hand-holding" for a better price. (You might consider this an advantage as a low-pressure sales environment, but a good retailer shouldn't pressure you, either.) Be sure to check that the jeweler has an excellent reputation because a customer could be at much greater risk of subtle fraud with diamonds and precious metal than with most other products.
   • Another thing to discuss with the jeweler is the ability to custom design the wedding ring to match the engagement ring. You might like to think ahead to this eventuality because it can be a stunning combination to have both rings matching well together.
   • If you're happier proposing first and shopping for a ring with your fiancée, take her preferences for the store into account as well. This is easier where you'd prefer that her choice and tastes are fully accounted for; it's just as romantic, but it means you'll need to provide a mock-ring for the engagement, and explain to her that you'd rather the two of you choose the ring together.
5. Find out what your fiancée would want. If you're purchasing the ring without her, choosing one will be will more difficult where the ring is a surprise because obviously you won't be able to ask her. Do keep in mind that nowadays, many women prefer to be part of a joint decision to purchase a ring, so if you find it really difficult to know her style and taste, provide a temporary ring and tell her that you'll choose the real one together. Some of the ways to try to work out her taste include:
   
   • Asking her about rings in general. If you're going past a jewelry store pretend to be interested in a watch. Then casually drop a comment about the styles of rings, saying you like a certain type and asking her what she likes. If you're very good, she won't notice the ruse. If you're not so good, she'll probably tweak but she still won't know when! Other ways of getting her to talk about engagement rings is to make a comment about a friend's engagement ring and to ask her preferences at the same time. You can say something like, "I think Mary's engagement ring was a bit flashy. What do you think?"
   • Ask her family for ideas. This will depend on whether or not you want them to know before she does, of course.
   • Another ruse is to have her friends take her into a store to ask her "just for fun". You'll need to have absolute trust in them to keep quiet and to pull this off. It's not a good option if you'd prefer to keep it quiet until the moment of the proposal.
   • Of course, if you're really open and comfortable about talking to her about marriage -- and after all, you should have some sense that she does want to get married to you -- then you can even ask her what kind of ring she would want outright. You can keep her guessing by asking her many months before you actually plan to propose, so she begins to feel like you were asking just for fun.
   • Sum up her tastes from the clothes she wears and her existing jewelry. You're in the best position to know whether she likes plain, fancy, patterns, large or small fashion statements. Is she traditional, classic, contemporary, or way out there? Use what you do know about her fashion preferences to your own advantage.
   • Is she an impassioned supporter of Fair Trade and human rights? Be sure to look for recycled gold and conflict-free diamonds as part of your choosing process.
6. Fix your budget. There is a tradition that holds that a man should spend two months of his salary on the engagement ring. Whether or not you do this will depend on your wish to conform to tradition. What does matter is that you select a ring according to what you can afford, so have a good idea of this amount before searching. If you're really low on cash but really want to propose, make sure that you're with a woman who understands that. If you're just dying to propose and don't think she cares about having an expensive ring, you can get her something you can afford and opt for something fancier at a later date. Though price should be a factor if it's important to the girl, you shouldn't let it stop you from proposing indefinitely.
   
   • One thing to think about is whether you or the girl have a ring in your family. If your grandmother handed her ring down to you and you think it'll suit your girlfriend's tastes (you can even try subtly showing it to her), then you can use it as an engagement ring. Just make sure that it really is what she wants, and that she feels special about owning something that was a part of your family, and doesn't think she got shortchanged.
   • Let your jeweler know your price range so that he or she can show you a variety of rings that fall within that range.
   • Keep in mind the possibility of having an engagement ring customized. Talk to the jeweler about the price options, the timing, and the styles that are possible.
7. Check the practicality of the ring. If your girlfriend is a real outdoorsy type, consider a ring that is able to cope with the wear and tear of constant activities. The higher the positioning of the gemstone on the ring, the easier it is for it to get caught on clothes, gear, hair, etc. and the greater likelihood that it'll get knocked about. Look for a lower gemstone setting for an active girl, and a higher setting for a fashionista or glamor girl.
   
   • Obviously your girlfriend can also remove the ring, but the desirability of the shape and size of the ring will often be proportionate to her outdoor interests, as a girl who is always on-the-go will be more likely to prefer a compact, less obtrusive style of ring than a girl who is highly fashion conscious and puts a lot of effort into preparing her outfits.
8. Check the durability of the band. The durability of the band is important, as constant rubbing and knocking from daily activities will eventually wear down the band. And office work is a killer, with paper acting as a mild abrasive on gold bands. If you can afford it, platinum is the preferred choice for wedding bands as it is more durable than gold.^[3] Titanium and steel are also fairly resistant, while the purer the gold, the softer it is and more prone to wearing.
   
9. Know your diamonds. Diamonds tend to be the traditional engagement ring choice, because they are enduring, and match everything. Diamonds are the hardest material that’s why it’s suitable as a gemstone for diamond solitaire engagement rings. They don’t lose their polish and they are resistant to scratching. The only way for diamonds to be scratched is by other diamonds. As engagement and wedding rings are worn daily people prefer diamonds which suit perfectly for every day wear due to its above mentioned properties. Only deviate from a diamond if you know that your girlfriend loves another stone much, much more, or has voiced her intense dislike of diamonds. When choosing a diamond, be aware of the first three of the "Four C's" as follows:
   
   • Carat: This refers to the unit measurement of the diamond, and refers to weight (not size). Every carat has 100 points. Engagement rings are often 1 carat but the ring you choose will obviously depend on your budget. A 1 carat ring on a limited budget may not rate very highly in other areas, taking away from its overall beauty.
   • Color: The color of diamonds varies considerably and most people prefer a very white colored diamond for an engagement ring. Colors are graded from D (colorless and rare) and most good quality diamonds will be around F and H and grades D to I are acceptable to buy as they are almost identical when mounted.
   • Clarity: Being natural, there will be inclusions in the diamond. The less imperfections, the greater the clarity and the more light is reflected from the diamond, causing it to "sparkle". Naturally, more clarity increases its value. Perfectly flawless diamonds with no internal flaws or surface blemishes are very hard to find as they are extremely rare. Fewer flaws in a diamond result in greater brilliance as more light is reflected.^[4]
     • The scale used to grade clarity goes from F1 for a flawless diamond, to VVS1 and VVS2 for very slight inclusions, to VS1 and VS2 for very slight inclusions, SI1 and SI2 for slight inclusions and I1, I2 and I3 for imperfect diamonds.
     • Diamonds are magnified by 10 times to judge their clarity so very slight imperfections are difficult to see with the naked eye. This means that there is a range of diamonds available even for more modest budgets. If you can see a mark without magnification, however, think carefully before you buy. The location and darkness of an imperfection of any given grade (though probably not any "VVS" inclusion, which is simply too small, and rarely a VS inclusion) can affect its visibility so it is safest to see the imperfection magnified or in a magnified photograph before buying.
10. Choose the right cut of diamond. There are different ways to cut a diamond, and the type of cut impacts the diamond's sparkle. The cut that produces the most sparkle is the round (or brilliant) cut, while radiant and princess cuts are good at hiding flaws. Other cuts include square, emerald, pear, marquise, cushion, asscher, and heart-shaped.^[5] The oval shape looks best with larger stones, and looks bigger than the round cut.^[6] A high-quality cut (not necessarily above "Ideal") is more important than weight or an extremely high clarity or color grade: a diamond, like a road reflector, shines light back out the direction it came in and breaks it up a bit in the process. Cut is considered the fourth of the big "4 C's" you should know about when choosing a ring.
    
    • If the sides are ground at the wrong angles (sometimes through less-than-perfect workmanship, sometimes to increase weight with extra width or depth) quite a bit of light will not shine back out the right way--much more than would be lost to a very faint yellowish or brown tint or a speck visible under a loupe.
    • It is also important to base your selection of diamonds based on objective data such as ASET or Idealscope images that you can acquire from your jeweler.^[7] This is particularly important if you are buying a diamond engagement ring online.
11. Purchase the ring. Collect it just before the proposal. That way you can avoid worrying about keeping it safely. Here are some things to keep in mind as you purchase your ring:
    
    • Ask for a certificate of authenticity and a warranty to accompany the ring. Certificates are very useful to collect with a diamond to find out exactly where they originated from. They are usually only available with the purchase of diamonds larger than just under 1 carat. For smaller diamonds, a certificate would add a considerable amount to the cost of the stone as you may end up paying an extra several hundreds of dollars or pounds to obtain one.
    • Insure! The ring is likely to be the most expensive piece of jewelry you have ever bought, and the most expensive piece of jewelry your fiancé (we hope) has ever worn. To prevent her from having to give it up for appraisal and insurance when she's just getting used to wearing it, get it done before you pop the question. Be sure to check that your insurance covers its loss, or ask for insurance from the jeweler's store if available. This is a crucial task.
    • Get ready to get down on one knee. it's time to propose!

Tips

• If you buy a ring without your girlfriend having any input into the decision, she may be unhappy with the shape, color, or other elements of it. Give this deep consideration as it's the ring she'll be wearing for the rest of your lives together. On the other hand, some girlfriends would be disappointed if you proposed without the ring already in place. Ask the jeweler if it's possible to make an exchange if she really doesn't like your choice.
• If your potential fiancée has a close sister or friend, take the sister/friend along for advice.
• You may prefer to have a different gemstone at the center of your ring. A three stone ring with diamonds on either side of a colored gemstone can make an impressive engagement ring. Rubies and sapphires are hard wearing but emeralds are more delicate. These stones are also a lot less expensive than the traditional choice of diamond. Again, clarity is important in these stones too and the color should be bright and intense.
• If purchasing a ring off the internet, only buy round settings. You won't be able to see flaws in other designs.
• Ring designs to consider include engraving, filigree, pave, micropave and milligrain.
• The choice of metal is one of personal taste. White Gold is the most popular choice at the moment, followed by Platinum and Yellow Gold.
• If she's close to her mom, her mom is likely to know what she'll like.
• The most popular metals used for engagement rings are White Gold, Yellow Gold and Platinum. These metals are all very durable and hence suitable for items of jewellery that will be worn for many years.
• A Claddagh ring is a traditional Irish engagement ring and can have diamonds added. If her Irish background is important to her, this is a romantic and beautiful choice.
• What metal to choose?
• Ask your girlfriend about the ring, but don't make it too obvious that you're planning on proposing. For example ask, "What types of rings do you like?" Don't ask something like, "If I were to propose, what kind of ring would you like?" That will make it too obvious.

Warnings

• Make sure your ring is covered by insurance, or of a cost that will not cause serious problems if you need to replace it out-of-pocket. Consider the periodic insurance cost when buying a ring costing many thousands of dollars. Consider a separate policy for the ring if loss of the ring would cause a disproportionate increase in the overall cost of a home policy covering it.
• Keep in mind that most 'tradition' having to do with diamond engagement rings has been fabricated by De Beers, a one-time diamond monopoly-holder, in order to boost their sales. This includes, but is not limited to the "two-months' salary rule."
• Don't be lured into thinking that white gold or palladium are anything like platinum.
• Make sure your ring comes with a warranty.
• Beware of jewelry marts, pawn shops, or downtown jewelry centers where quality is often poor and scoundrels are many. (Many of these businesses are perfectly legitimate, however.) Do research before you buy.
• Most places will offer financing.

Things You'll Need

• Ring finger size. A plastic band to check this confidently is inexpensive, or sometimes free from a jeweler.

Related wikiHows

• How to Buy a Cubic Zirconia Ring
• How to Engage Staff
• How to Know Where to Sit at a Wedding
• How to Design Your Own Engagement Ring
• How to Select and Buy Jewish Wedding Rings
• How to Make a Wedding Scrapbook as a Gift
• How to Overcome the Fear of Marriage
• How to Choose Flowers for Your Wedding Day
• How to Price Your Jewelry Designs
• How to Buy an Engagement Ring on a Budget
• How to Choose a Platinum Ring
• How to Propose Marriage
• How to Encourage Your Fiance to Spend Less on the Wedding
• How to Buy Solitaire Rings for Valentine's Day

Sources and Citations

• • James Love, The Groom's Guide, pp. 13-15, (2007), ISBN 978-1-84537-689-5 – research source, based on advice from jeweler Lance James.
• Videojug, Choose an engagement ring, http://ift.tt/1rjJQwp – research source and partial use of information, shared with permission.
• How to choose a design? http://ift.tt/1FGbgGF

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