Socially awkward moments that sometimes make us cringe from the inside out are a natural part of life. It happens to every one of us, especially during adolescence. However, a dramatic transformation occurs when we enter college; this is a time of self-exploration and coming into one's own. Learn how to break the awkward barrier at parties, in class, or simply hanging around the dorm room, even if you are shyer than the average person.
EditSteps
- Prepare conversation topics ahead of time. If social interaction stresses you out, think of a few topics that you are comfortable carrying on a conversation about. Before the party, come up with questions you might ask or responses you might give that surround these topics. Playing out possible conversation scenarios takes the edge off having to think on the spot at a college party. At a party it may (will) be loud so keep in mind that these conversations might be cut short or happen while you wait on line for beer or the bathroom. Suggested strategies and topics include:
- Have an anecdote or two prepared. This short story could stem from personal experience, an episode from your favorite TV show, a Vine you saw or someone’s obnoxious Instagram picture. Add in some humor if you can because a funny story always wins over a crowd. Humorous or not, these snippets from your personal life will flow easily because they are genuine and you are prepared to tell them
- Talk about current events. Everyone attending a college party is connected to social media, giving us common ground when it comes to current events. Unfortunately, at parties no one is going to talk about news or politics so keep the topics fairly general. Think of pop culture references or on-campus quirks that interest you and share them with the other partygoers. Mutual conversation points will help you survive a party.
- Think of topics that can be easily understood in a loud and over-stimulated environment. These topics might include: sports, celebrities, music, class schedules, or anything else that is simple and within your conversation comfort zone.
- Go to the party with at least one close friend. Even if you go to a party with your friends, you can still feel very alone. Bring a friend that you can rely on and stick with for the night. Bringing a trustworthy comrade makes college parties less stressful because:
- A friend is a great buffer for awkward conversations because they can pull you out of them or jump into them, either way they’re a lifesaver.
- A friend will make it less uncomfortable when you stand in the corner and don’t talk to anyone else. At least you have your pal with you and you guys can scope out the scene together, gossip, and find out where to move next.
- Your friend can be your bathroom trip companion or your dance partner. Whatever you need or want to do at the party you two can complete it together.
- Having a friend makes conversation flow more smoothly because you have someone you’re comfortable with to bounce ideas off of. It is much easier to be yourself when you’re with a best buddy who knows your quirks. With a good friend by your side, you’re likely to be more outgoing and willing to try new things.
- Wear an outfit you feel confident in. What clothes you wear to a party can determine whether you’re fidgeting all night or feeling comfortable and relaxed. Don’t feel the need to conform to the standards (or non-standards) of college party attire.- Wear an outfit that reflects you. If you feel confident in your outfit, feeling confident in your social skills is right around the corner. Here are ways to avoid dressing uncomfortably to a party:
- Don’t wear anything too thick because sweating may occur, increasing internal stress levels. In the winter, wear a jacket over your party outfit and hide the jacket in the kitchen cabinet if need be.
- Avoid wearing super tight and light-colored clothing. Once again, you will most likely perspire at a college party and a tight and light colored shirt will display sweat stains all too well. These stains may cause you to become self conscious and inhibit your social interactions.
- Try not to wear anything that strays too far from your comfort zone. If you don’t usually wear crop tops you will most likely not feel confident in them. Try to deter from extreme outfit choices and remain somewhere in the realm of casual, comfortable and classy.
- Hover around the food or game table. The food or game table is a social hot spot that always has a flux of people. If your friend is nowhere to be found, make your way over to the tray of mini sandwiches or current beer pong tournament. These two places at parties ease social anxieties and take the spot light off you. These stations help with socialization because:
- The snack and drink stations allow you to be occupied. You can be alone eating some food and sipping on a drink and it is completely normal. You can also be a single bystander watching a game, which limits necessary interaction.
- These places can also generate conversations. People love free food, so party goers will always make their way over to the chips and dip. If you are getting a plate of food at the same time as someone else, strike up a discussion about how great the punch is or how bad the quiche is. Watching a game can also spark conversation because you and other spectators already have the game as a mutual conversation topic.
- Watching a game can also result in you becoming a participant. Playing in a game is a great way of interacting with people in a fun and relaxed manner. If you are a superstar at the game there will be cheering and if you are bad there will be light-hearted laughing. Either way you are socializing.
- Stay Calm. At parties, you are most awkward when you’re obsessively thinking about how uncomfortable you feel. Your head swarms with thoughts of miscommunications and unheard punch lines over the blasting music. Just remember that these situations aren’t that serious and you don’t need to impress anyone. Some suggestions for staying calm are:
- Take a breather: If you feel yourself getting flustered, excuse yourself for a second. Go to the bathroom or step outside into the fresh air and gather your thoughts. Remind yourself that there’s nothing to feel uncomfortable about, it’s just a party.
- Stop worrying so much. Parties are not as big of a deal as they’re cracked up to be, so try and relax. When you begin to relax, your thoughts will flow more naturally and you will be able to be yourself without your anxious thoughts holding you back.
- Rely on your prepared conversation topics if you begin to feel nervous. Using these conversation topics you put on reserve can help you keep your cool in a time of near panic.
- Be interactive. There isn't any guaranteed way to make your nerves disappear. There will always be that moment where you must push past your anxiety, walk up to someone, and start a conversation. Fortunately, there are a lot of strategies that can take the edge off those feelings of inhibition, and make them easier to overcome. Here are some suggestions:
- Approach the people or groups that you are least intimidated by. If you recognize someone from your class, but the two of you have never talked, here’s your chance. Or, if you see someone who also looks a bit nervous talk to them to ease both of your anxieties. Once you’ve started talking to one person that is like climbing the ladder to the diving board, now you’re ready to jump.
- Give yourself a role at the party. Take it upon yourself to introduce people to each other, make or distribute drinks, or tell the DJ what songs people want to hear. Theses interactions require you to be more talkative and let your social side shine.
EditTips
- Always be happy with yourself. Someone's opinion of you at a party does not matter. All that matters is that you are pushing past your comfort zone, having fun, and staying true to yourself.
- Be brave! Coming out of your shell is not an easy task and it takes some courage to make that first move and talk to someone at a party. Just go for it and don’t look back.
- Don’t let preparing a topic ahead of time completely shut your brain off when new topics are discussed. Try to integrate the topics you’ve prepared into the topics being discussed, or simply try to speak freely! At a party, conversations rarely have boundaries.
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