How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Spouse

Marriage is the ultimate bond between two partners. You made a vow to love one another for better or for worse, but sometimes things become strained. Perhaps you had a bad fight, you feel yourselves drifting apart, or you may have simply reached a point where you realize you need to improve the relationship. Relationships require work and commitment to keep your love for one another strong, and marriage is no exception. With a little effort, some understanding, and a bit of patience, you and your spouse can improve your marriage and remember why you pledged your love to one another.

EditSteps

EditWorking on Communication

1. Listen to your spouse. Often times couples that have been together for a long time take the things that are said for granted. For example, your spouse might tell you that something you're doing has been bothering him/her, but you might assume that it's not a big deal because you've been together for so long. However, little things add up, and when your partner feels invalidated or unheard, that can lead to bigger trust and intimacy issues down the line.^[1]
   
   • Start with spending quality time with your spouse. Quality time is time that you reserve unconditionally and completely for your spouse. No matter what happens, you reserve this time for your spouse. Phone rings? Hang up and shut it off in front of your spouse. Mean it. And then ... listen. Sit together, watch each other, enjoy each others presence and enjoy being together. At least once a week for 30 - 60 minutes. And while you're at it, remember why you married your spouse.
   • If your spouse tells you there is a problem, you need to take that statement seriously. Work on solving the problem, either alone or together, but make sure you take your partner's concerns seriously.
   • Address your partner's needs. If your spouse is telling you what he or she wants from the relationship, you need to put in the effort to make it happen or work together to find a compromise.
2. Be open and honest with each other. Honesty is tremendously important in a relationship, especially if you're married. You want to feel that you can trust your spouse, and you want your partner to feel the same way. But honesty and openness extends beyond just telling the truth; it also means not withholding information, and not holding back when there's something you want to address.^[2]
   
   • Never lie to your partner. Even a small lie, like saying something doesn't bother you when it secretly does, can eventually boil over into resentment and arguments.
   • Open up and let yourself be vulnerable with your partner. Tell your spouse your secret hopes and dreams, your deepest fears, and other things that you keep hidden.
   • Let your partner open up and be vulnerable with you. This can help build trust and foster a stronger sense of intimacy and affection.
3. Work on compromising. Compromising can be difficult, especially when emotions are running high after an argument. However, needing to be right for 30 seconds isn't worth the strain that argument could put on your relationship down the line. It's normal to disagree or even argue from time to time, but you need to be willing to let go of your side in the name of compromising and collaborating.
   
   • Don't think of arguments as something that need to be "won." This is dangerous thinking, as it pits you and your spouse against each other.^[3]
   • Let go of things that aren't worth fighting over. Even if you weren't in the wrong, it's not worth the stress and frustration of an argument.
   • Be willing to cede an argument. Just because you think you're right, it doesn't mean arguing your point any further will get you anywhere, so work on dropping it before it escalates.
   • Compromise makes your relationship stronger. When you both set aside your needs, including your need to be right, you can work together as a team for the betterment of both partners.^[4]
4. Use "I" statements. When you and your spouse have a disagreement, it's important to avoid using accusations or insults. One way many spouses inadvertently hurt their partners is by using "you" statements instead of "I" statements. Using "I" statements can help convey the way you're feeling and promote a productive, positive conversation, instead of hurting your partner's feelings.
   
   • A "you" statement conveys blame to your partner. For example, "You're always late, and you make me look bad as a result!"
   • An "I" statement reframes the conversation in a way that focuses on the feeling, not on pinning blame or guilt. For example, "When you don't keep track of the time and we have somewhere to be, it makes me feel like you're not taking my feelings into consideration."
   • An "I" statement has three components: a concise and non-accusatory description of the specific behavior you're having problems with, your feelings on that behavior, and the tangible, concrete effect your partner's specific behavior has on you.^[5]
   • The behavior component should stick to the facts of the situation, your feelings should be directly related to that behavior, and the effect should either specify the consequences or support your feelings on the matter.^[6]
   • The goal is to be as specific as possible and stick to the issue at hand. Don't drag up other unrelated issues or feelings, just focus on the tangible effects of the current problem.
5. Never yell at your partner. Many people begin yelling without even realizing it. When you have an argument, your emotions may be running high, and you might feel very passionately about the thing you're debating. However, yelling at your spouse will only have one of two results: either your partner will yell back, and you'll be screaming at one another, or your partner will become fearful of you. Either way, it's a damaging situation that can put a huge strain on your relationship.^[7]
   
   • It may feel relieving in the moment to yell and let out your frustrations, but your emotions will be running high.
   • You're more likely to say things that you don't mean when you yell, and you won't be able to take back those hurtful words later when you're calmed down.
   • Avoid talking about important things when you (and/or your partner) are upset. Take a walk, or simply excuse yourself from the room for 5 or 10 minutes, then restart the conversation when you're both calm.

EditRekindling the Romance

1. Change up your routine. Whether you've been married for two years or twenty years, it can easily feel like you and your partner have fallen into a rut. Routines form because they are convenient and they make it easier to navigate your day-to-day life, but falling into ruts and routines in your relationship can slowly kill the romance without you even realizing it.^[8]
   
   • If you usually eat in most nights, try going out for a date night. If you typically make your own separate meals, try cooking a meal for your partner and eating together.
   • Do something exciting together that you and your spouse wouldn't normally do. It doesn't have to be anything crazy, but it should push you both to have fun and get excited together.
   • Take a romantic vacation together, or just plan a fun and exciting day together - even if it just means going to a carnival or an amusement park.
2. Flirt with one another. When you and your spouse were dating, you probably flirted with one another all the time. So why did you stop? Most couples get comfortable with one another, which is obviously a good thing. But the downside of getting comfortable is forgetting how to turn on the charm, often because you haven't had to in several months (or even years).^[9]
   
   • Make eye contact.
   • Smile at your partner and act giggly.
   • Use romantic body language, and mimic your partner's body language.^[10]
   • Stand facing one another, avoid crossing your arms, and lean in towards one another when you speak.
3. Increase your physical contact. Physical contact is an important component of intimacy. Physical contact makes you feel desired, and it can make you feel comfortable and closer with your partner. If you're already very intimate and have a lot of physical contact, then keep doing it. If you've lost that part of your relationship, make an effort to bring it back.^[11]
   
   • Physical contact doesn't just mean sex (although many people do consider sex a healthy part of marriage). It can mean holding hands, snuggling, embracing, kissing, or any other kind of affectionate contact.
   • Your partner probably wants physical contact as much as you do, but may be too shy or worried that you don't also want it.
   • Don't stress over physical contact, just initiate it. Your partner will appreciate it, and it will help you both feel closer to one another.
   • Remember that feelings often follow actions. If you put forth the effort and try to make a romantic evening for one another, the romantic feelings will follow.^[12]
4. Make time for intimacy. If you've been married for a while, you probably both feel overwhelmed from time to time with trying to balance your work life and your home life. This can be even more daunting if you have kids. But making time for intimacy without any distractions (kids, work calls/emails, etc.) can do wonders to bring back the spark in your relationship, especially if you make it a consistent priority week after week.^[13]
   
   • Spending time with one another, especially with physical contact, often sets the stage for sex and will make you both feel closer to one another.
   • If you have to, schedule time for intimacy and/or sex. Experts advise that even setting aside 30 minutes for some intimate time alone can do wonders for your relationship.
   • Drop your kids off at a babysitter's, or if they're old enough to be out alone you can give them money to go see a movie or shop at the mall. That will buy you some alone time with your spouse.
   • Turn off your cellphones when you're being intimate together. Nothing kills the mood like your partner getting dragged into a long work-related phone call.
   • Intimacy isn't just a one-time thing. You'll need to work hard to make time for it every week, or several times a week, or however often you and your partner need it.
5. Convey your sexual preferences. This relates to being honest and open in your communication with one another. Some people are afraid to convey their desires to others, even to a spouse. However, your preferences are nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed of. Talk to your partner about what your sexual preferences or fantasies are, and ask your partner about his or her preferences. And no matter what you or your partner want, be mutually respectful of one another's needs.^[14]
   
   • Feeling like your sexual preferences aren't being met can make sex unfulfilling, which over time can feel almost like a chore.
   • The best way to mutually enjoy sex is to communicate to your partner what you like or don't like, and ask your spouse to do the same.
   • Be willing to explore new things together in the bedroom so that you and your partner are both having your needs met. Plus, trying new things in general can lend a spark to your relationship, and you might find you both enjoy your new routine.
   • Being respectful of your partner's needs doesn't mean putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation. It's okay to have boundaries and to expect your partner to respect those boundaries.
6. Consider seeing a couple's therapist. Some people have the impression that couple's therapy is only for people who are on the verge of divorce. However, that is simply not true. Couple's therapy can help you and your spouse work on communication skills, find ways to feel more intimate, and work through any difficulties that arise in your marriage.^[15]
   
   • There's no shame or stigma in seeing a therapist. Couple's therapy can help you and your partner at any stage of your relationship.
   • If you or your partner experience little to no sex drive after previously having a sex drive, your therapist may refer you to your primary physician to see if there are any medical explanations.
   • Sometimes certain medications can reduce sexual urges or the ability to perform sexually. Other times there may be an emotional reason why a person's sex drive decreases.
   • Be honest and open with your therapist and with your doctor to address any intimacy issues you're experiencing.

EditStrengthening Your Marital Bonds

1. Express gratitude for the little things. A big risk in long-term relationships is taking one another for granted. No matter how much you love and appreciate your spouse, there's always a risk that you might get so accustomed to one another that you forget to be grateful for all that your partner does. If you make an effort to express gratitude, your partner will almost certainly do the same.^[16]
   
   • Say thank you when your spouse does something for you, whether it's cooking a meal, fixing a broken cabinet, or just picking something up for you at the store.
   • Letting your partner know that you appreciate the little things will make your spouse feel appreciated, and your partner will be more likely to continue doing nice things for you (and vice versa) in the future.
2. Take the time to notice your partner. Another facet of taking your partner for granted is forgetting to compliment one another. You may think that your partner knows you love him or her, and that may be true. But nothing brings a smile to your face like hearing that someone finds you attractive and desirable, so work to make one another feel special as often as possible.^[17]
   
   • It doesn't take much to notice your partner. Compliment your spouse on an attractive outfit, a recent haircut, any developments after beginning a new workout routine, and so on.
   • Try to praise your partner for his/her efforts in front of others. Bragging about your spouse's accomplishments when he or she is too shy to can really make your spouse feel loved.^[18]
3. Go on a date with your spouse. As your relationship goes on, you might find that it's harder to make time for a date, or to go out and have a romantic evening alone. This can be particularly troublesome if you have children. But having regular date nights spent alone with your spouse can bring back the excitement and the passion that you felt for one another when you were actually dating, and that passion is important in sustaining a long-term marriage.
   
   • Commit to spending the night alone together. Get a babysitter for your kids, or have them sleep over at a friend's house.
   • Choose a romantic restaurant. If you have a favorite place to go or if you can recreate your first date, even better.
   • Get dressed up for one another. Try to impress your spouse as though you were still just dating and not yet married.
   • Take a romantic walk after dinner, or go see a show together. Focus on making it an intimate evening alone together.
4. Make sure you feel fulfilled. In addition to feeling your sexual needs are fulfilled, it's imperative that you feel like your life has meaning and that you've accomplished something. It may come as a surprise, but experts agree that having your own personal goals and accomplishments separate from your spouse can actually strengthen your marriage.^[19]
   
   • When you feel like your own personal goals are being fulfilled, it's easier to devote yourself to your partner.
   • If you're very career-driven, take time for your career. If you're an artist, work on your art. If you're athletic, train for a marathon.^[20]
   • No matter what your partner's goals and accomplishments are, it's important for you to have your own goals. You and your spouse should be supportive of one another, and should celebrate each other's accomplishments.

EditVideo

EditTips

• If you feel jealous, don't make a scene. Talk in private with your significant other, and make sure to say something like: "Look, you know I love you and I trust you, but I can't help it and I do feel jealous of you and that other person. I'm sorry for it". Your significant other should understand and explain the situation so that you won't feel jealous anymore.
• Always show affection. Kiss or hug one another and tell your spouse that you love him or her.
• Go out together. Have a date, whether it's at a fancy restaurant or a hot dog stand. The important thing is that you make time to go out together and talk with one another.
• Respect your partner. Never do anything to betray your spouse's trust, like lying or cheating on them.
• Be nice to your partner's friends, and try to socialize with them a little. Every time you see them, say hi and talk a bit. Friendship is probably important to your spouse, so getting to know his or her friends will go a long way in strengthening your relationship.

EditRelated wikiHows

• Build a Good Relationship With Your Husband
• Improve Your Relationship with Shopping

EditSources and Citations

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How to Recycle Biodegradable Waste

Biodegradable waste is animal or plant matter that breaks down naturally with exposure to microorganisms, heat, and oxygen. Recycling biodegradable waste into a nutrient-rich, usable material is often called composting. The material created through composting can later be added to soil. Since it is not always convenient to compost your own organic waste at home, public services and private organizations are now making it easier than ever for urban and suburban residents to recycle their biodegradable materials.^[1]

EditSteps

EditCollecting Biodegradable Materials

1. Gather organic food waste and scraps. Collecting compostable material requires little additional work—you simply place organic items, such as food waste and scraps in a collection container separate from your trash can. While you may purchase a designated indoor compost bin, many people collect their food scraps and waste in repurposed plastic food containers, trash cans, or compostable bags. After preparing or eating meals, place your food scraps into a compost collection bin.
   
   • Acceptable items include table scraps, fruit, vegetables, and eggshells. These items are considered “green” waste as opposed to “brown” waste.
   • If you are participating in a public or private program, only place approved compostable materials in your bin.
   • If you are composting in your backyard, do not save meat and fish products for your compost pile—these items attract rodents and pests.
   • Store your collection bin under the kitchen sink, on the kitchen counter, in your fridge, or in your freezer.^[2]
2. Collect green manure. If you are composting in your backyard, your pile should include about 50% green waste or manure. These items, which introduce nitrogen into your pile, serve as a catalyst to the compost process. Table scraps and food waste are just two forms of green manure. Other green waste items include:
   
   • Grass clippings
   • Clover
   • Buckwheat
   • Wheatgrass
   • Coffee Grounds
   • Tea leaves or tea bags
   • Store these items in an outdoor yard waste bin.^[3]
3. Set aside brown waste for your compost pile. Brown waste should make up the other 50% of your compost pile. The brown waste adds carbon to your compost pile. You may find brown waste items both inside your home and outside in your yard. These items include:
   
   • Shredded newspaper
   • Shredded paper
   • Shredded brown paper bags
   • Dead branches
   • Twigs
   • Leaves
   • Straw
   • Untreated sawdust^[4]

EditParticipating in a City Composting Plan

1. Contact your city's waste management facilities. Cities across Europe and the United States have committed to reducing or eliminating their residents' waste. In an effort to achieve this goal, these cities have established curbside composting programs. For more information on your community’s public program or to determine if your city provides this service, call your city’s waste management facilities of visit its website.
   
   • Inquire about the cost of the service.
   • Ask if the city provides indoor and curbside collection bins.
   • Ask how frequently the city picks up compostable material. Do they collect it twice a week, once a week, every two weeks, etc.?^[5]
2. Sign-up for your city’s composting program. When you contact your city's waste management facilities or search its website, inquire about or look for instructions on signing-up for the service. Every city’s sign-up process will be slightly different. To join the program, you may need to fill out an online form or send in a paper copy of the contract.^[6]
   
   • Before opting into the city program, renters, especially those in apartments, should contact their landlords.
   • If your building already participates in the city’s program, your landlord may be obligated to provide you with all of the necessary equipment and information. They may also be required to provide tenants with a central composting location.^[7]
   • If your complex is not currently involved in the municipal composting program, head up the initiative to join the composting movement.^[8]
3. Receive a composting starter kit and guidelines. Once you have joined the program, your local municipality may provide you with the equipment and educational resources you need to start composting. The equipment provided may include an indoor collection bin, an outdoor bin, and/or compostable bags. The city may also provide you with a set of instructions, a list of approved biodegradable materials, and a list of unaccepted organic materials.
   
   • The indoor collection bin is typically intended for your kitchen. Many people store this bin under the kitchen sink or on their kitchen counter. Line your inside bin with a compostable bag, newspaper, or a brown paper bag to keep it clean. If you are concerned about the smell or mess, you may also freeze or fridge all of your compostable food materials.^[9]
   • The outdoor collection bin is emptied by city workers. If you live in an apartment building, you may be required to share this outdoor collection bin with other residents.
   • If the city does not provide an indoor composting bin, you can find composting containers at many kitchen supply stores or purchase one online. You can also use takeout containers, food containers, pails with lids, or lined trash cans with lids.
   • Read the guidelines for your city's composting program. Make note of the correct procedures and your city’s approved compostable materials.^[10]
4. Collect your compostable materials throughout the week and place them outside on collection. Throughout the week, place your organic materials into your indoor compost bin. You can also collect biodegradable materials in your home office, bathrooms, and bedrooms. When your biodegradable collection bins are full, add the contents to your outdoor compost bin. On your a designated compost pick-up day, leave your outdoor bin at the curb each week. Once the bin is emptied, bring it in from the curb.
   
   • Your city may have specific requirements regarding the placement of the pin.
   • If you live in an area that receives a lot of snow, you may have to shovel a path from the street to your bin.
   • Officials may contact you if you fail to comply with the city’s procedures and rules.^[11]

EditComposting Your Biodegradable Waste at Home

1. Select a composting container. In order to compost in your backyard, you need to build or purchase a composting container. This container should be placed in a shady location that is near a source of water. Types of containers include:
   
   • Homemade Containers: Construct your own round or square composting container out of fence posts and wire mesh siding, fence posts and lattice, or brick and wood. Build a structure that is at least three feet wide and three feet deep.^[12]
   • Compost Bins: This product, also known as a compost digester, is enclosed on the top and sides. Its open bottom sits directly on the ground. While these bins are small and inexpensive, it is difficult to turn the compost pile inside of them.
   • Compost Tumblers: These rotating composting containers are the most effective and mobile bins on the market. The rotating drum makes it easy to turn and aerate the compost. The drum also serves as insulation, which keeps the composting materials at the ideal temperature year round. The center paddle helps to aerate the compost and prevents the materials from clumping.^[13]
2. Layer your organic materials inside the container. Begin your compost pile in late spring or summer when it is hot and slightly damp. Organic materials must be placed thoughtfully and carefully in the compost pile. A well laid out compost pile will promote drainage and aeration while deterring clumping and rotting. Place your biodegradable materials in thin, even layers.
   
   • Place brown waste, specifically twigs and straw, on the bottom of the pile to encourage drainage. This layer should be a few inches thick.
   • Add alternating layers of moist and dry green and brown waste. Keep this layers thin to avoid clumping. Moist items include food scraps, food waste, coffee grounds, and tea bags. Dry items include straw, twigs, leaves, and untreated sawdust.^[14]
3. Maintain a moist, covered, and well turned compost pile. In order for the microorganisms to breakdown the green and brown waste into compost, the pile must remain moist, warm, and well aerated. Monitor your pile frequently.
   
   • Your compost should maintain the moisture of a damp sponge. If it is too dry, add water to the pile with a hose or let the rain water it naturally. If it is too wet, your organic materials may rot instead of compost.
   • Your compost pile should retain an interior temperature between 135° to 160° F. You can monitor the temperature with a thermometer. Covering your compost pile with a lid, carpet squares, wood, or a tarp will help regulate the temperature of the pile.^[15]
   • In order for the compost process to work, your pile must have a sufficient amount of air. Add oxygen to your pile by turning it every two to four weeks. You can turn the pile with a pitchfork or rotate your compost tumbler.^[16]
4. Add green manure and bury new materials ten inches down and turn the compost. When your compost pile is well developed, you can introduce new green waste and green manure to the compost. These products add nitrogen to the pile. The nitrogen serves as a catalyst for the composting process.
   
   • Use a pitchfork to add and mix in green manure to your pile. Acceptable green manure items include grass clippings, buckwheat, wheatgrass, and clover.
   • Bury new vegetable, fruit, and food scraps at least ten inches below the top of the pile.^[17]
5. Add the finished compost to your garden. Once the material at the bottom of your pile is a rich dark brown, the compost is ready for use. This can take anywhere from two months to two years.
   
   • Open up your composting container and empty its contents onto the ground.
   • Add the compost to your garden, vegetable patch, or orchard.^[18]

EditExploring Alternative Methods of Recycling Your Biodegradable Materials

1. Subscribing to a private composting service. If your city does not offer a public composting service, search for a private composting business in your area. Select a business and a plan that is within your price range, meets your needs, and fits into your schedule. Once you sign-up for the service, the business will typically provide you with a composting bin or bags.
   
   • Many services will take the full bin and leave you with a sanitized bin.
   • If you do not produce much food waste, find a service that will pick up your compostable materials every two weeks or once a month.
   • If you are interested in using compost in your yard, select a service that provides you with compost for free or at a discounted rate.^[19]
2. Bring your compostable materials to a composting collection site. Instead of paying for a public or private composting service, bring your organic materials to a designated biodegradable waste drop off site. These sites may be operated by the city, private organizations, or nonprofits. Before bringing your materials to one of these locations, make sure all of the items in your compost bin or bags adhere to the site’s standards.
   
   • Find these drop off sites through a quick internet search.
   • Instead of paying for your city’s composting service, you may be allowed to bring biodegradable materials to a drop-off site yourself.^[20]
3. Donate your organic materials to local farmers or community gardens. Giving your biodegradable materials away is an excellent ways to support the farmers and systems that produce food for your community. Contact farmers and community gardens in your area to see if they accept organic donations.
   
   • This is a great option for business and restaurants looking to cut costs while giving back to the community.
   • Some farmers and gardens may already have drop off boxes for composting donations.^[21]

EditVideo

EditThings You'll Need

• Compost bin
• Compost guidelines
• Countertop compost container
• Rake
• Hose

EditSources and Citations

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Which Pair Of Animals Are You And Your BFF?

Find out which animal duo sums up your relationship.

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This Eight Cat Picture Test Will Reveal A Deep Truth About You

Let these cats stare into your very soul and tell you something about the person you really are.

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This Adorable Dog Is Living Its Best Life At A Baseball Game

It me.

A lot of people find baseball games boring.

Mitchell Layton / Getty Images

But you wanna know what's definitely not boring? THIS.

CSN / m.mlb.com

Yesterday, two Phillies fans brought their pupper to a spring training game.

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And like, just look at this fuzz bucket basking in the sun!

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---

View Entire List ›

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How to Do Indian Meditation

Meditation is when a person trains the mind to be more self-aware, to look inward, or to reach an altered state of consciousness. It’s an ancient practice with a rich history in India, where both Buddhist and Hindu traditions use it. Meditation has real benefits and can improve your quality of life, whether you do it to relax or for bigger spiritual reasons. Try some of these simple, effective techniques to get started.

EditSteps

EditDoing Vipassana Meditation

1. Sit on the floor or in a chair. Find a place where you can sit comfortably for at least ten minutes. It could be indoors or outside. What matters most, however, is that it is quiet and free from distracting noise like music, television, or people talking.^[1]
   • Not all noise is bad in the Vipassana tradition. Ambient sound like cars or the ticking of a clock can actually be points for you to focus your mindfulness.
   • Ideally, wear loose clothing and remove your shoes.
   • Sit on the floor or on a pillow. You can take a number of postures like the half-lotus, full lotus, or cross-legged. Make sure that you are upright, with an unsupported and straight spine.
   • If you have back pain, it is also OK to sit erect in a chair.^[2]
   • Your posture should be upright, but not too tense. You will want your mind and body to be relaxed, while the effort to remain upright should energize your meditation.^[3]
2. Put your hands on your lap. Now, place your hands one on top of the other on your lap, palms facing up. Traditionally, your right hand should rest on top of the left. It may also be helpful for beginners to close their eyes.^[4]
   • Try not to clench your hands or make fists.
   • Closed eyes will help you concentrate. But concentration is not key to Vipassana meditation and you may find it best to open them if, as sometimes happens, you see disturbing images.
3. Focus all your attention on breathing. Turn your attention to the rhythm of your inhalation and exhalation. Some people find it helpful to focus on the rise and fall of their abdomens, for example, an inch or two above the navel. Follow this motion with your mind, from beginning to end.^[5]
   
   • If you’re having trouble following the rise and fall of your abdomen, place your hand atop it.
   • You might also try focusing on the feeling of air as it passes through your nostrils and touches the skin on your upper lip. This practice is a bit more advanced.^[6]
   • “Sharpen your attention” to these movements. Be aware of the sensations involved from start to finish. Don’t try to split the act into parts but experience it as one continuous motion.^[7]
4. Notice – and release – other sensations and thoughts. While you are meditating, focus on the “primary object” of your attention, i.e. your breathing. If your mind wanders to a “secondary object,” though, like a thought, a sound, or a feeling, focus on that object for a moment.^[8]
   • Don’t resist secondary objects. The idea instead is to let them move past you. Pause for a second or two and give them abstract mental notes. If you hear a barking dog, label it “hearing.” If you feel an insect bite, label it “feeling.”^[9]
   • Once you have noted an object, let it go and return to the primary object of your breathing. Noting thus allows you be aware of the surrounding world without being attached. The sensations should rise and pass over you.
   • This detachment is supposed to help you appreciate the impermanence of the world, and the emptiness of self.
5. Start slowly and increase your meditation. How long should you try to meditate? There’s no right answer, except that some is better than none at all. However, aiming for 15 minutes a day at first is a doable goal. Work up from there.^[10][11]
   • Slowly lengthen the time you meditate by about 5 minutes per day each week, until you reach 45 minutes.
   • There will be days when you’re too busy to put in 45 minutes of meditation. That’s OK. But try to set aside some time, however short.

EditBeing Mindful with Anapanasati

1. Find a good, quiet place. Like Vipassana meditation, Anapanasati is about quiet mindfulness. The first step, then, is to find a suitable location. The Buddha recommended three: the forest, the foot of a tree, or an isolated or empty spot.^[12]
   • Silence is essential to Anapanasati, especially for beginners. For you, a quiet room might be best. A secluded woods or beach might also work well.
   • Silence will help you to develop concentration. If you cannot find complete silence, aim for somewhere that is quiet and private.
2. Sit upright. People can meditate in several different postures, like standing, reclining, sitting, and walking. Sitting is the best for Anapanasati. Ideally, you should take a cross-legged position with both feet turned up and resting on your thighs, i.e. the lotus position.^[13]
   
   • Don’t worry if you can’t take the lotus position. It is also acceptable to sit half cross-legged, with one leg slightly bent.
   • You should also sit erect. Your torso should be upright but not tense or rigid. Imagine that all the bones in your spine are linked together.
   • As for your hands, they should lay gently on your lap. Like in Vipassana, the right hand is traditionally atop the left with the palms up.
   • Your eyes can be closed, half-closed, or open – whichever is most comfortable – and your head should be tilted downward, your nose perpendicular to the navel.
3. Focus on your breath. The focus of your mindfulness in Anapanasati will again be breathing. Turn your mind toward the rising and falling, the inhalation and exhalation of your breath. Follow the sensations involved and be aware of them.
   
   • Be especially mindful of the place when the breath enters and leaves your nostrils. This will be a spot just under your nose or above your upper lip. Center on the spot where the breath touches the skin.
   • Be aware: when you breathe in, recognize that you’re breathing in. Likewise when you are breathing out. However, don’t try to control or hold back your breathing. As your awareness of breathing increases, it will become less willful.^[14]
4. Begin with “counting.” There are eight graduated steps in Anapanasati meditation, each one working up to nirvana. The basic and most rudimentary level is “counting.” Counting is intended for those with no background in the technique. People with experience in meditation may not need it and can begin with the second level.^[15]
   
   • Fix your attention on the tip of your nose, as said. Now, count the movements of your breath. For example, you might count the first inhalation as “one, one” and the first exhalation as “two, two.” Continue to the tenth breath (“ten, ten”) before returning to “one, one.”
   • If you lose track, start again at “one, one.”
   • The counting itself is not meditation. It instead helps to calm the wandering mind, by making you aware when you become distracted and lose the count.
5. Pursue further “steps” to develop your practice. In Anapanasati there are eight total steps. To get further in the technique, you will slowly be able to move into higher levels. “Following” comes next. Once you have calmed your mind with counting, you should be able to mentally track or “follow” the course of your breath without keeping track.
   • Following just means to follow the breath with the mind. You do not deliberately breathe in or out, but only remain aware that it takes place. Try to see the beginning, the middle, and the end of each cycle of breaths. This practice is called "experiencing the whole body."
   • “Contact” and “Fixing” come next. These both require stronger concentration and are harder to attain. People who reach this level may feel they have stopped breathing altogether, because they are so calm that it’s hard to feel the action of the breath. They must keep focused on the spot under the nostrils. Many report calm, joy, or even powerful visions.
   • Very few people make it to the upper steps of the technique. “Observing,” “turning away,” “purification,” and “retrospection” will take you to higher paths of self-awareness.
   • If you want to achieve these higher grades, you will most likely need to find a spiritual master to guide you. Consider attending a meditation retreat – monasteries and other centers around the world host such retreats, in many cases as a free service to the community.^[16]

EditTrying Mantra Meditation

1. Choose a mantra. Mantra meditation comes from the Hindu tradition and involves the meditative repetition of a single word or phrase. This is the “mantra.” The purpose of the mantra is to give you a focus of attention, like breathing in the Vipassana and Anapanasati techniques. First thing, choose your mantra.^[17]
   • You might pick any word or one that inspires you. Simple is better!
   • Some ancient mantras are “Om,” “Om Mani Padne Hum,” “Ham-sah,” or “Namo Amitabah.” Modern mantras might be “peace,” “love,” or “one.”^[18]
   • Picking a non-English mantra might actually help, because you will have fewer connections to it. It will not distract you from your meditation.
2. Pick a good time and location. Obviously, there is no right time or place to do your mediation. The choice is a personal one. However, some people find that mantra mediation has its best results if done first thing in the morning, after working, or during your low point in the afternoon at around 4 o’clock.^[19]
   • As for places, make sure to have a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed. For instance, try your bedroom, your backyard, or a quiet park, woodlot, or beach.
   • The key is to minimize distractions. The quieter and fewer people, the better.
3. Sit down and close your eyes. You don’t have to sit cross-legged or in the lotus position for mantra meditation. Find someplace comfy to sit upright. If you’d like, support your back with a cushion or the wall or even sit in a chair.^[20]
   • Lying down is not recommended for this type of meditation – you can easily fall asleep.
   • Close your eyes and sit still for a half a minute or so. Get accustomed to your environment and draw in several deep breaths.^[21]
4. Chant your mantra. After a few deep breaths, resume your normal breathing and start to chant your mantra. Some people are comfortable doing this aloud. Otherwise, repeat the word silently in your head without moving your tongue or lips.^[22][23]
   • Don’t force things. The repetition of the mantra should be relaxed and gentle.
   • You also don’t need to worry about coordinating the mantra with your breath. Let both come as naturally as you can.
   • Some people find it helps to imagine that the mantra is being whispered in their ear, rather than coming from their own mind.
   • Stay fixed on the mantra and don’t try to empty your mind. When your attention wanders, just bring it back to the mantra and your breathing. Don’t worry if this happens – it’s normal. What’s more important is that you realize when you start to wander and refocus.^[24][25]
5. Start slowly and work your way to longer sessions. Try to repeat your mantra for 5 minutes at a time to start. Gradually, you should be able to go for up to 20 to 30 minutes, several times per week. Other people alternatively aim for a certain number of repetitions, traditionally 108 or 1008.^[26]
   • Some people use cellphone alarms as timers, while others sit with a clock in view. It really doesn’t matter. Do whatever works best for you.
   • When you wind down, stop saying the mantra and sit silently for a few more minutes to relax. Let yourself slowly re-enter your normal activities. Otherwise, you may feel groggy like you’ve gotten up from a nap.^[27]

EditTips

• It is better to concentrate on your meditation technique rather than the results.
• Meditation is a process for achieving a healthier state of mind. Meditation should not be used simply because one feels restless, but because one wishes to hone her mental abilities.
• It is recommended that you meditate every day.
• At first you might not be able to concentrate easily, but the more you practice, the easier it should become as your mind learns to steady itself.

EditRelated wikiHows

• Perform Mantra Meditation
• Chant Mantras
• Do Active Meditation

EditSources and Citations

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How to Import from China into the USA

Importing items from China can be an affordable way to acquire materials for use in manufacturing or products for sale. However, importing items on your own requires establishing relationships, setting up shipping, and navigating the regulatory channels of US Customs. Get started on your way to importing from China by taking steps to set up your import process and planning ahead.

EditSteps

EditFinding a Supplier

1. Make sure you can legally import your chosen item. Most items will be allowed, but there are certain guidelines that must be followed for some types of items. The United States imposes stricter guidelines on agricultural products, for example. Additionally, Chinese laws may prohibit the export of certain items, like animal by-products or fake designer clothes and accessories. Check with the laws of both countries before making an order.^[1]
2. Make a list of Chinese exporters, or suppliers, who can provide you with your product. Fortunately, Chinese exporters actively seek out import partners in the US through online forums and trade websites.^[2] You can find suppliers using online outsourcing directories or professional sourcing companies. Some good places to start include:
   
   • Alibaba.com.
   • China.cn. China.cn is an outsourcing directory with thousands of Chinese products, providing buyers with complete contact information for each listed supplier. The website also offers buying and selling leads, tradeshow information, and trading resources for buyers and sellers. China.cn is located at http://www.china.cn.
   • Analema International. Analema International is a professional sourcing company providing buyers with services such as help identifying suitable suppliers, assistance negotiating with suppliers, and quality inspections both during manufacturing and before shipment.
   • Export agents in China are very commonly hired by Chinese exporters. Some of these export agents are also 3rd-party suppliers, while others just provide export services.
3. Contact each supplier on your list. Once you have a list of exporters, you can begin asking questions in order to narrow it down to the supplier who is right for you. Some things you will want to ask each exporter to provide you with include:
   
   • Client references. A reputable supplier should be able to provide you with client testimonials and references. Once they do, be sure to check them.
   • Business licensing information. You want to be sure that any company you do business with is properly licensed and in compliance with all applicable trade laws in order to avoid future legal problems which may affect your business.^[3]
   • Manufacturing and staffing information. Be sure you understand the exporter’s relationship to the manufacturer. Do they manufacture the product themselves? If not, do they get paid by the manufacturer as well?
   • The name and location of the factory producing the product. If an exporter refuses to provide you with the name and address of the factory where the product is manufactured, they may not be a reputable supplier.
4. Investigate the product. Request information regarding the experience of each factory in producing your particular product. You should also ask for samples of the product. Unless you will be manufacturing your own new product, the supplier should be able to provide you with samples of the product so that you can get a better idea of the quality and know ahead of time exactly what you are paying for.
   • Cost is not the only the consideration when choosing a supplier; quality may be just as important, and the manufacturer’s experience can be a good indication of the quality of work.

EditMaking an Order

1. Make a trip to meet with your supplier. If at all possible, it's best to schedule a visit to your supplier in China. This will help you establish a relationship with the supplier and get a sense of how well their business is operated. This provides a better opportunity for negotiation than working on a deal over the phone.^[4]
   • The website should offer the supplier's physical addresses and contact details. If this information is absent, ask for their contact details and if they don’t mind you coming in and checking on their offices. This shouldn’t be a problem at all if they are not hiding something from you.
   • Visiting trade shows is a great way to see suppliers face-to-face without traveling to China.
2. Obtain a business visa. In order to enter China, you will need to apply for and receive a Chinese M visa, which is the visa specific to business activities. You can apply for this visa at the nearest Chinese consulate. In order to get the visa, you will have to submit the required documentation and items, which includes:
   • A valid passport from your current country of residence.
   • A black and white photocopy of the picture page of your passport.
   • Black and white photocopies of previous Chinese visas you have obtained (if any).
   • A recent, passport-style photo of yourself.
   • A completed visa application form (available at the Chinese Embassy's website).
   • An invitation letter from the supplier you are meeting.
   • A fee of approximately $140, plus any additional service or administrative fees.^[5]
   • It may take three weeks for your visa to be processed and shipped once you have applied for it. However, you may be able to pay for expedited service. Ask the consulate for details.^[6]
3. Negotiate a deal with the supplier. Remember that business interactions with Chinese exporters are governed by Chinese culture and customs, and different negotiation skills and tactics may be required. Some things to keep in mind when negotiating with Chinese suppliers include:
   
   • The focus is on relationships. Chinese do not do business with companies, they do business with people, and each business deal creates a new relationship with the other party. Chinese exporters are therefore not likely to jump into a deal until they have had the opportunity to get to know you a little.
   • Reliance is on moral influence, not legal practice. Chinese executives tend to rely more on a party’s moral obligation, rather than its legal one. This does not mean you should ignore the wise business practice of having a signed contract, but you should let your desire to get a signature on a contract take a back seat to building a trusting relationship where each party will feel morally obligated to perform, even if they did not have a signed contract.
   • Hierarchy is important. Shaking the hand of a low ranking executive first or calling a high-ranking executive by his first name can jeopardize interpersonal relationships and affect a Chinese executive’s willingness to negotiate. Pay close attention to how executives address each other and follow their lead.^[7]
4. Begin placing your orders. Each company will have a minimum order amount and a basic shipping agreement. Most exporters expect orders of at least 10,000 units, depending on the item in question.^[8] The most common types of shipping arrangement for Chinese exports to the U.S. include:
   
   • Carrier air mail. This service is best for samples and smaller orders, but can be costly. Check with companies like DHL International, UPS, and EMS to set up an import shipping account.^[9]
   • Sea freight. For larger orders and bulky items, or to save money, you can use sea freight to import your items. This type of order is shipped as either a full container load (FCL), which is a full shipping container for your items, or a less than container load (LCL), which allows your shipment to share space in the same container with other shipments. FCL shipments are cheaper per cubic meter but require a large order to make the cost worth it.^[10]
5. Pay for your products. To place your order, you will have to pay a deposit on the value of your order. Usually an initial deposit of between 30-50% will be requested by a Chinese manufacturer to get your product/order into production. The remainder is paid upon delivery of the goods. Never pay the entire amount of the purchase price upfront. If there is a problem with the order, you may not be able to get your money back.
   • Remember that the wholesale cost of your product is not simply the recorded cost of the item on the order, but the total cost of having it shipped to you, including taxes, tariffs, shipping, and insurance fees.^[11]
   • A letter of credit is commonly used in trade with China. Go to your bank to get detail formality and cost.
   • Payment for Chinese exports is most often made by credit card, but many Chinese suppliers also accept other forms of payment, such as cash, check, or even PayPal.
   • You need to have a good estimate of the landing cost before you make your order. Landing cost = cost of the goods + transport costs by forwarder + import duties (if any) + local transport costs + cost of service providers (inspections, agents, etc.).
   • There may be many hidden costs and you can consult an import management company, but the best way to avoid bad surprises is by making a first order of a small quantity, and collect all costs and fine tune your landing cost estimate.
   • Use escrow services for payment whenever possible. Escrow companies allow a buyer to deposit funds with an independent third party, to be delivered to the seller once he or she has fulfilled his or her end of the supply and shipping agreement.
6. Avoid payment fraud. Some importers may experience this type of fraud when placing their orders. It typically involves their payment for orders being sent to the wrong bank account, which can leave both the supplier and the importer out of a large amount of money. Reduce your risk of this type of fraud by following two simple steps:
   • Don't send your payment to a bank account that isn't registered under the name of the company you are ordering from.
   • Don't send your payment to a bank account registered in a different city from your supplier, even if the name on the account is similar.
   • Otherwise, you will simply lose your money and have virtually no legal recourse to get it back.^[12]

EditGetting Your Items Through Customs

1. Hire a customs broker. Locating and hiring a licensed customs broker can make your importation process much easier. This professional facilitates communication between you and the government, fills out and files necessary paperwork, and can help you navigate import regulations. They can also help estimate import costs and how long the import process will take. Just make sure that you can cover their fee with the sale of your imported products.^[13]
   • Neglecting compliance can be very costly. This may force you to pay expensive and unexpected customs duties, such as the anti-dumping duty, as well as risk delaying your customs clearance. This will cost you expensive storage fees at a railway station or container yard. Avoid these expenses by hiring a qualified customs broker.
   • Find a certified broker by searching on the website for the National Customs Brokers and Forwarders Association of America.^[14]
2. Acquire necessary permits and licenses. Work with your customs broker to identify which licenses and permit you need, if any. Apply for them through the appropriate US government channels and wait for your application to be accepted before placing an import order.^[15]
   • You will need a specialized license to import items that fall under certain categories, such as food products, plants, animal products, prescription medication, trademarked items (brand name or designer goods), and copyrighted items (CDs, DVDs, etc.).^[16]
   • The specific licenses needed for each good may come from different government agencies. You can find which licenses you need by visiting the US Customs and Border Patrol's website and searching for "licenses and permits."
3. File the Import Security filing (ISF). The ISF is a document is a document specific to items shipped by sea freight that provides advance shipment information to US Customs. This document should be filed 24 hours before shipment sets sail. If this is not done by either you or your broker, you may have to pay a $5,000 fine. The data points required on the ISF are:
   
   • Identities of the buyer and seller.
   • Importer of Record number.
   • Consignee numbers.
   • Country of Origin.
   • Ship to party.
   • Harmonized Tariff Schedule of the United States number (if your Chinese supplier has some export experience, he should have the harmonized schedule code, or HS code, for your product).
   • Manufacturer or supplier information.
   • Container stuffing location.
   • Consolidator.^[17]
4. Get your product through US Customs and Border Protection (“CBP”). For help with this, contact a service port of entry near you. Ask to speak with a CBP import specialist assigned to the product you are importing. Import specialists can provide you with product specific requirements, advisory duty rates, answer your questions about filing an entry, and can assist you with preparing and filing the required paperwork. You can locate a port of entry and its contact information by visiting the CBP’s website.
   
   • You should be aware of any entry requirements specific to the particular product you are importing, including those of federal agencies besides CBP.
   • For more information about getting your product through U.S. Customs, read Basic Importing and Exporting at CBP's website: http://ift.tt/1SyYgIO.
5. Submit initial import documents. Once the goods are received by the port of entry, you (or your customs broker) have five days to submit the first round of required import documents. These must be accepted by customs before further documentation can be filed. Required documents include:
   • Bill of lading.
   • Packing lists.
   • Commercial invoice.
   • Certificate of origin.
   • Customs bond.
   • Inward cargo manifest or immediate delivery form.^[18]
6. File additional documents. After the first documents are accepted by the port of entry, you or your broker now have ten days to file two additional required documents. These are the entry summary (US Customs Form 7501) and any relevant invoices that can be used to value the shipment.^[19]

EditTaking Possession of Your Items

1. Pay your import duties. Your import duties will be calculated using the value of your shipment as estimated by customs officers and the shipment's grouping on the harmonized tariff schedule. The value of the shipments includes the price paid, commissions incurred from the purchase, royalty fees, license fees, packing costs, and the value of assists (specialized machinery or molds used in the manufacturing process). Your duties are then determined by using the tax rate specific to items of your shipment type on the US Government's Harmonized Tariff Schedule.
   • Tariffs may vary by origin as well. For example, liquor (alcoholic beverages containing over 20 percent but no more than 50 alcohol by volume) is taxed at a standard rate of 8.4 cents per kilogram and an additional 1.9% of total value. However, this fee is waived when the items are coming from certain locations (including Canada and Singapore).^[20]
   • If any of your filed documents are inaccurate, you will need to file corrected documents before you can pay your duties.
   • Your duties are due within ten days of the receipt of your initial import documents.^[21]
   • Your customs broker should be able to help you estimate the cost of your duties before you import the goods.
2. Arrange for pick-up and transport. Contact a commercial cargo company to arrange to have your shipment picked up at the port of entry and shipped to your warehouse or local resellers. Cargo companies can be located by consulting your local yellow pages or favorite online phone book.
   
3. Check your shipment for accuracy and damage. Once the items have made it to you, look at the packaging and items themselves for any damage sustained over the course of the trip. If there is significant damage, you may want to rethink your choice of shipping method or urge your supplier to better prepare your items for shipment.

EditWarnings

• Search online for the name of any supplier you are considering. Watch for results from websites that track scam suppliers and disregard the supplier if others have had bad experienced with them.^[22]
• During the initial contacts, wholesalers should request to see a business license or sales tax ID. These are required by legitimate wholesalers. Deceitful or fraudulent wholesalers, however, may not ask for this documentation.

EditRelated wikiHows

• Find Local Freight Forwarders in China
• Find a Supplier in China
• Haggle in China
• Find a Great Live Auction
• Manage Multimodal Transport from China to Singapore
• Import China Teas Into USA

EditSources and Citations

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18 Kinda Weird But Really Funny Animal Tweets That Will Make You Laugh

IT HAS BEEN SUMMONED.

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This Baby Porcupine Looks So Soft That You'll Want To Hug It

Can we cuddle?

An adorable prehensile-tailed porcupine named Clover was born on St. Patrick's Day at the Binghamton Zoo in New York, and it's too cute to handle.

Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park / Via Facebook: binghamtonzoo

Clover was born to mother Zoey and father Mattie.

Clover's sister, named Norwan, and Zoey, munching on sweet potato.

Via Facebook: binghamtonzoo

Clover, like all porcupines, was born without sharp quills. The soft quills will harden gradually and will be fully formed when the porcupine is 10 weeks old.

Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park / Via Facebook: binghamtonzoo

The baby porcupine, known as a porcupette, currently weighs less than a pound, the zoo said.

Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park / Via Facebook: binghamtonzoo

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